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My question: Did anyone not feel angry toward their wayward spouse? It’s been a month since my husband confessed his various indiscretions and I feel no anger toward him at all, just devastation.

My husband and I have been living together for 12 years, married for 10 and have four beautiful children. My husband had an emotional affair with a work colleague which led to sexting and phone sex. He disclosed this relationship to me four weeks ago and immediately ended it. He then confessed to a “porn addiction” and the deceitful things he has done to feed this addiction over the past couple of years.

He is very remorseful. He has deleted the porn, cut all personal ties with this other person and done everything in his power to show me that he loves me, is committed to me and our family and that this will never happen again. He’s texting and calling me all day, coming home from work early and spending more time with the kids.

All neatly tied up and I just can’t stop crying.

I am a very strong person. I have been the strength behind our family since day 1. I do need to be in control and often steer clear of situations out of my control. I also believe I am very morally bound and would never accept infidelity from my husband.

Ever since learning of this relationship and all of the awful details that have followed over the past four weeks I am a different person. I can’t think straight. I can’t stop crying. I hate going out of our house and avoid talking to friends or taking phone calls. I am not angry with him at all and I don’t understand why. I am just so desperately sad.

I do have days when I feel better and I think I can deal with this and we can move forward, then suddenly I feel my heart is bleeding and I cry again. I’m not a big crier and it is difficult for me to feel so out of control. I need somebody to tell me how I am supposed to feel and what I am supposed to think because I just can’t figure it out.

I know now that my husband could do whatever he wants for the rest of our lives and if it hurts me I’ll just cry. Some days I’d like to slap myself and tell me to snap out of it but I can’t.

I love my husband and have never had any desire to leave him. I believe he is now telling me the complete truth and would never do anything like this again. I think my problem is the “again”. Before, I knew he would never do anything like this at all. Now he has and I am the one who is broken.

Did anyone else become a spineless wus when they realised they were deceived?

Veta.
 

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There are stages. The anger will come. It takes 2-5 years to recover completely from an affair. Your journey has only begun.

Has he given you the passwords to all of his online accounts?

The password to his cell phone if it's password protected?
 

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My question: Did anyone not feel angry toward their wayward spouse? It’s been a month since my husband confessed his various indiscretions and I feel no anger toward him at all, just devastation.

My husband and I have been living together for 12 years, married for 10 and have four beautiful children. My husband had an emotional affair with a work colleague which led to sexting and phone sex. He disclosed this relationship to me four weeks ago and immediately ended it. He then confessed to a “porn addiction” and the deceitful things he has done to feed this addiction over the past couple of years.

He is very remorseful. He has deleted the porn, cut all personal ties with this other person and done everything in his power to show me that he loves me, is committed to me and our family and that this will never happen again. He’s texting and calling me all day, coming home from work early and spending more time with the kids.

All neatly tied up and I just can’t stop crying.

I am a very strong person. I have been the strength behind our family since day 1. I do need to be in control and often steer clear of situations out of my control. I also believe I am very morally bound and would never accept infidelity from my husband.

Ever since learning of this relationship and all of the awful details that have followed over the past four weeks I am a different person. I can’t think straight. I can’t stop crying. I hate going out of our house and avoid talking to friends or taking phone calls. I am not angry with him at all and I don’t understand why. I am just so desperately sad.

I do have days when I feel better and I think I can deal with this and we can move forward, then suddenly I feel my heart is bleeding and I cry again. I’m not a big crier and it is difficult for me to feel so out of control. I need somebody to tell me how I am supposed to feel and what I am supposed to think because I just can’t figure it out.

I know now that my husband could do whatever he wants for the rest of our lives and if it hurts me I’ll just cry. Some days I’d like to slap myself and tell me to snap out of it but I can’t.

I love my husband and have never had any desire to leave him. I believe he is now telling me the complete truth and would never do anything like this again. I think my problem is the “again”. Before, I knew he would never do anything like this at all. Now he has and I am the one who is broken.

Did anyone else become a spineless wus when they realised they were deceived?

Veta.
I think you will feel a variety of "roller coaster emotions" over the course of your healing process. I feel like I am bipolar from day to day. It has been two months for me. Just allow yourself all the time you need to process your emotions.
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It took several months before I got angry. It's a good thing too. It gave us a chance. My wife got reinvested in time to take up the slack when I faltered.
 

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Hi Veta and welcome.
So sorry for your situation. I can feel your sadness in your post.
First of all I want to say that your marriage has a good chance of surviving your Hs EA. It's a good thing that H came to you and has confessed everything and it sounds like he is trying to make amends. My H never confessed to his A. I had to find out from the exOws Husband. There were so many lies from him over the course if the year that it almost destroyed me.
I still don't have all the details and never will, but that's my bag!

Anyway, to your original question, I felt, and still feel the same as you do, just incredibly sad. I think I cried for a whole year. H and I are reconciling now, we are 11 months in and all I still feel about the A is sadness. I think I had 2 angry outbursts in the early days ( smashed my wedding photo) but apart from that, no anger.

I wonder if the anger is going to come one day, as I know it's all part of the process but it just doesn't come!
Keep posting. We are here for you!
DG
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My question: Did anyone not feel angry toward their wayward spouse? It’s been a month since my husband confessed his various indiscretions and I feel no anger toward him at all, just devastation.

My husband and I have been living together for 12 years, married for 10 and have four beautiful children. My husband had an emotional affair with a work colleague which led to sexting and phone sex. He disclosed this relationship to me four weeks ago and immediately ended it. He then confessed to a “porn addiction” and the deceitful things he has done to feed this addiction over the past couple of years.

He is very remorseful. He has deleted the porn, cut all personal ties with this other person and done everything in his power to show me that he loves me, is committed to me and our family and that this will never happen again. He’s texting and calling me all day, coming home from work early and spending more time with the kids.

All neatly tied up and I just can’t stop crying.

I am a very strong person. I have been the strength behind our family since day 1. I do need to be in control and often steer clear of situations out of my control. I also believe I am very morally bound and would never accept infidelity from my husband.

Ever since learning of this relationship and all of the awful details that have followed over the past four weeks I am a different person. I can’t think straight. I can’t stop crying. I hate going out of our house and avoid talking to friends or taking phone calls. I am not angry with him at all and I don’t understand why. I am just so desperately sad.

I do have days when I feel better and I think I can deal with this and we can move forward, then suddenly I feel my heart is bleeding and I cry again. I’m not a big crier and it is difficult for me to feel so out of control. I need somebody to tell me how I am supposed to feel and what I am supposed to think because I just can’t figure it out.

I know now that my husband could do whatever he wants for the rest of our lives and if it hurts me I’ll just cry. Some days I’d like to slap myself and tell me to snap out of it but I can’t.

I love my husband and have never had any desire to leave him. I believe he is now telling me the complete truth and would never do anything like this again. I think my problem is the “again”. Before, I knew he would never do anything like this at all. Now he has and I am the one who is broken.

Did anyone else become a spineless wus when they realised they were deceived?

Veta.
Like you, I felt no anger toward my fww. Heartbreak, fear I was losing her; depression but no anger.
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My question: Did anyone not feel angry toward their wayward spouse? It’s been a month since my husband confessed his various indiscretions and I feel no anger toward him at all, just devastation.

...Ever since learning of this relationship and all of the awful details that have followed over the past four weeks I am a different person. I can’t think straight. I can’t stop crying. I hate going out of our house and avoid talking to friends or taking phone calls. I am not angry with him at all and I don’t understand why. I am just so desperately sad.

...I love my husband and have never had any desire to leave him. I believe he is now telling me the complete truth and would never do anything like this again. I think my problem is the “again”. Before, I knew he would never do anything like this at all. Now he has and I am the one who is broken.

Did anyone else become a spineless wus when they realised they were deceived?

Veta.
hi veta:

so sorry that you are here with us. the way that you describe your devastation sounds very much like the falling-apart that i (and many of us here) went through.

you are not spineless. you are traumatized. you have just had your whole reality snatched away from you by (of all people) someone whom you loved and believed in.

i also cried and cried. i felt desperately lost and sad about so many things -- the loss of my belief in my H and his integrity, the mistakes that i had made in my marriage (which were many and real) -- plus, like you, i still loved my H.

i am now 10 months away from my first dday and working on R. not 100% there yet, but doing well. we are both in counseling, which has really helped us.

as others have told you, the anger will come :) until then, don't tell yourself that you are supposed to feel one way or the other. let yourself feel how you feel -- but do make an effort to care of yourself in every way that you can. i did not take care of my physical health and that only made everything else worse.

we are here for you...
 
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