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Hello, All!

We've been married for nearly 20 years.

To THIS very day I have to hint, hint, and hint until I tell him, "Would you PLEASE schedule a trip for us??"

Why?
I, as a woman, would really appreciate a surprise weekend away.
However, that never happens. We do have a young teen still at home. If we go anywhere, we all go, and it's usually camping.

I think it's important for a husband and wife to get away sometimes. But, we don't. I have practically begged off and on for years.

NOW, things have changed.
I was dx'ed with a disease last year AND lost my job. So, money is tight. He knows I'm pretty easily entertained. I don't care if we go to a nearby town (well, at least 30 miles away) for a weekend at a 2 Star Hotel. Actually, we prefer camping, so that would be even better. LOL

During his time off he's always going to do something. Running over to so-and-so's or running into town to do whatever. I know what he does is important (vehicle maintenance, for example) but sometimes I think some things can wait. And, where is the time for me? His wife of nearly 20 years? I know - selfish, right?

Then there is the financial aspect. He mentions periodically how he's burned out and wants to find another job/career that would also include an increase in pay. HOWEVER, I have told him numerous times to get a resume together, or I'd help him, and get out there!! But..nothing. He just stays where he's at making minimal, we're getting by, so I think he just lolls along.

We're in a rut.
Having this disease and being financially strapped is taking a toll.
Then, I get a bit melancholy thinking, "Well....maybe you should've done something (scheduled some alone time) when we HAD money and I was healthy.." So, that all makes me sad. My point is: Don't put the important things off because we're not guaranteed the next day.
I'm proof.

I know I'm all over the map.

I have wanted to talk to someone, but don't like airing dirty laundry or letting others know we are having problems. Well, I am. He's not getting it. At all.

This forum popped up when I google'd "marriage forums" so here I am. Anonymous. Maybe. I guess.

Just good to vent to strangers sometimes.
Thanks for listening.
 

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Hello, All!

We've been married for nearly 20 years.

To THIS very day I have to hint, hint, and hint until I tell him, "Would you PLEASE schedule a trip for us??"

Why?
I, as a woman, would really appreciate a surprise weekend away.
However, that never happens. We do have a young teen still at home. If we go anywhere, we all go, and it's usually camping.

I think it's important for a husband and wife to get away sometimes. But, we don't. I have practically begged off and on for years.

NOW, things have changed.
I was dx'ed with a disease last year AND lost my job. So, money is tight. He knows I'm pretty easily entertained. I don't care if we go to a nearby town (well, at least 30 miles away) for a weekend at a 2 Star Hotel. Actually, we prefer camping, so that would be even better. LOL

During his time off he's always going to do something. Running over to so-and-so's or running into town to do whatever. I know what he does is important (vehicle maintenance, for example) but sometimes I think some things can wait. And, where is the time for me? His wife of nearly 20 years? I know - selfish, right?

Then there is the financial aspect. He mentions periodically how he's burned out and wants to find another job/career that would also include an increase in pay. HOWEVER, I have told him numerous times to get a resume together, or I'd help him, and get out there!! But..nothing. He just stays where he's at making minimal, we're getting by, so I think he just lolls along.

We're in a rut.
Having this disease and being financially strapped is taking a toll.
Then, I get a bit melancholy thinking, "Well....maybe you should've done something (scheduled some alone time) when we HAD money and I was healthy.." So, that all makes me sad. My point is: Don't put the important things off because we're not guaranteed the next day.
I'm proof.

I know I'm all over the map.

I have wanted to talk to someone, but don't like airing dirty laundry or letting others know we are having problems. Well, I am. He's not getting it. At all.

This forum popped up when I google'd "marriage forums" so here I am. Anonymous. Maybe. I guess.

Just good to vent to strangers sometimes.
Thanks for listening.
Having an outlet to vent can help. having a place where you can ask for advice from others in a somewhat anonymous way can also be helpful. Both of those are possible on this forum.

I take it your health problems preclude you from any sort of work to help the family income.

It clearly sounds from what you've shared that your husband talks a good game about a new job but prac tically speaking has no interest in doing that.

Rut indeed.

After 20 years it will be hard - but not impossible - to get out of the rut.

There are any number of things a couple can do that are not expensive.

I'd suggest starting small - an evening or afternoon together. Maybe start with something that interests him and find something related that the two of you can do together.

My folks and my wife and i both like to take a nice drive on uncongested country roads to enjoy the scenery, drive to an out of the way place.

You mention liking camping so you must like the outdoors. If your health permits, can the two of you go on a day long or even half day or even a couple hour hike?

Young teens usually want a bit more time alone or with friends and as the teen years progress that usually also progresses so there should be opportunity to find for the two of you.
 

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Whats stopping you from organizing/budgeting a trip? You expect him to be a way he clearly isn't, so if it's important to you, why not ensure your own happiness?
 

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I too came here looking for an outlet to vent or rant or whatever. Why? Because my family and friends don't want to hear me vent about my relationship.

Now, I completely understand where you are coming from. Alone time with your fiancé/or wife/husband is A MUST!! Marriage takes work. Tremendous efforts on both fronts is what it takes to not merely survive but to thrive. It's very important for both couples to find alone time, to keep the relationship fed well.

I know how it feels. My fiancé and I just had our first DD about 3 months ago and alone time can be a very very rare thing. I'm starting to think couples alone time is more important to me than it is to my fiancé. It just doesn't happen anymore.

As for your situation, explain to your H how important couple time is. He needs to understand the marriage takes effort and needs to be fed to thrive. I'm sorry I don't have anything more to say or to add to probably what you already know or tried.
 
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