[EnjoliWoman]

I read an awful lot of NMMNG comments and see a lot of nice guys who post and aren't appreciated. I 'get it' that sometimes a woman wants to be 'taken' sometimes or wants the man to be decisive or protective but I would give anything for a "nice guy".

I'm sure it's my history but being married for 13 years to a narcissistic, type A (type H, actually) Alpha male just completely turned me off to Alphas.

Am I the only woman who LIKES the idea of a nice guy? Someone considerate, helpful and thoughtful. Some other woman's trash is my treasure.

 

[Acorn]

It's a terminology thing. I think a lot of women like nice guys, but it's better to think of the NMMNG "nice guy" as a doormat.

Not too many women like a doormat.

 

[Dollystanford]

I think that's right
Despite what some would have you believe 'nice guy' does not mean 'p*ssy whipped sap'
I want a man to treat me with the same respect I treat him - no more no less

any alpha type who thinks he has to treat me like sh*t to get my attention can do one

 

[The Middleman]

I don't know about others but, I went through a good portion of my life as a "Nice Guy" (trying to please everyone and always wanting to be liked) and it didn't serve me well in my relationships or career. I still can't figure out how I got my wife to marry me and stay with me so long with how I behaved during the first 15 years of our marriage (depression, anxiety, no self confidence). What changed me was some career coaching and self help that I went through to improve my earnings prospects. That and getting away from my immediate family did the trick. Both of those were a 180 for me. Now I think I'm very much an A Type (hopefully not an AH type) and I really think my wife respects me more for it.

 

[Mavash.]

I'm married to a nice guy and to be honest with you even I didn't know how to deal with one when I finally got him. Yes I'd had a string of bad boys before him. You'd think being with a nice guy is easy but I assure you it's not.

Most put your needs above theirs which sounds good in theory but when they begin to feel resentment towards you for it - its a problem.

Most won't tell you how they feel so you'll feel emotionally neglected.

Most won't tell you when something bothers them so you'll have to become skilled at mind reading and pray again that resentment doesn't creep in before you figure out what's wrong.

Many won't be highly sexual because they have so much shame connected to sex. Oh they are VERY sexual all right but they hide it from those closest to them out of fear.

Others become passive aggressive because they are bored, unhappy and angry. But again you won't know any of this but you will be treated badly in an underhanded way.

In a nutshell the classic nice guys are nothing but nice. Read NMMNG and you'll see exactly what I mean.

 

[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

No, I love my husband. He's very nice and extremely supportive when it comes to me. I do the same in return. My husband drops everything when I need/emergencies and stays by my side for however long it takes. I'm always telling him how much I appreciate him and emailing fun and flirty things. I'm truly very lucky to have such a wonderful husband. Even though he's a really nice guy, he's nobody's doormat. He's confident, secure and he always has put my needs before his own.

 

[ScarletBegonias]

I read an awful lot of NMMNG comments and see a lot of nice guys who post and aren't appreciated. I 'get it' that sometimes a woman wants to be 'taken' sometimes or wants the man to be decisive or protective but I would give anything for a "nice guy".

I'm sure it's my history but being married for 13 years to a narcissistic, type A (type H, actually) Alpha male just completely turned me off to Alphas.

Am I the only woman who LIKES the idea of a nice guy? Someone considerate, helpful and thoughtful. Some other woman's trash is my treasure.

After enough of what i think can be considered "super alpha male" types to last me a lifetime,I crave the nice guy.

I don't know much about the whole Alpha discussion,it all sounds like a lot of over thinking at times. Hopefully I don't get roasted for expressing this but I wish men would be themselves and women would be themselves alsf course,if you have mental problems,you need to get help for that before you can be a suitable partner for anyone. If asked my answer wouldn't be "i must have an alpha male!" because truthfully,I haven't read enough about it to know exactly what it is other than knowing what other people think about it.

I need a man to treat me as great as I treat him. That includes all the compliments,all the sweetness,all the loving gestures.It includes the thoughtfulness and affection,time,devotion,and appreciation.

I don't need a protector.I don't need a provider.I expect my man to be secure enough to know it's ok that we share responsibilities in all aspects of life.I don't like traditional male/female jobs in the home...if I'm taking the trash out and handling my foster dogs,feel free to empty the dishwasher without feeling like you've lost your man card.

I need a partner for wild monkey sex,sweet slow loving making,friendship and affection.I need someone I can trust.Someone who earns respect rather than demanding it.Someone who understands I will take care of my appearance and body for as long as able so I expect I would be bright enough to pick a man who shows they do the same.They should do it not for me but for themselves because I'm certainly not taking care of my lovely body for anyone but me.

It might not work for anyone here.But these are a few things that I need in order for a relationship to keep an open heart,open mind,and open legs

I NEED the nice guy.There's a firm difference between being the nice guy and being the doormat guy.If I'm wrong,the nice guy will tell me in a reasonable way and help me understand his point of view. If I'm wrong,a doormat guy won't say a word...everyone loves being right but no one wants a yes man. Nice guys ARE NOT yes men.They simply know how to express themselves better than any other type of man IMHO.

 

[CandieGirl]

I'd take a nice guy over one of those alpha bulldogs anyday.

 

[ATC529R]

Men and women are NICE when they are happy.-except for the real A holes anyway.

and the nice girl who tries to please everyone (like my wife) is NOOOO friggin picnic!

putting up with we have to go to this function and that because we were invited and it's the right thing to do.

asking you 5 times what you want. I really don't care, what I really want is for her to just make the decision etc...

 

[Tall Average Guy]

I agree it is a disconnect involving what a "nice guy" is. Mavesh hits it on the head when she writes about the bad type of "nice guy". This is the guy that thinks that being nice enough will get them loved. That people will see these sacrifices and appreciate them. The problem is that it does not work over the long haul. When one person is always sacrificing, the other has a naturally tendancy to just accept that. That breeds disrespect and resentment.

I think (hope) what most women want is a nice man. A man who is generally nice, treats them well, and will sacrifice for them. But they also want a man who knows what he wants, is true to himself, makes his needs clear, and who stands up for himself when she treats him bad (because as a human, there will be times when she does, just like there will be times when he does).

 

[Emerald]

My exH is Super AlphaMan & I left him. However he was a very aggressive alpha & very few people, let alone women, like that type of personality. I like nice guys, not doormats.

I see lots of posts from nice guys whose wives treat them like sh_t & frankly those wives are b_tches.

Maybe if the nice guys would "alpha up" a bit, the wives would be nicer but I doubt it. In most cases, the wives would just get b_tchier & that is NOT the desired result.

People need to be very careful when selecting a partner to marry. If the woman is entitled, spoiled, b_tchy no matter how hot she is, a nice guy should think very carefully before marrying her or he will wind up here posting about it.

Of course the above is not gender specific, but the post is talking about nice guys.

 

[DayDream]

I've run into "nice" guys who are really just too lazy and wimpy to think for themselves. They need a woman to do all the thinking for them. So they let her pick the restaurant, what they are going to do that weekend, etc.. The "anything you want" quickly turns into, "I have to make all the decisions,".

 

[EnjoliWoman]

OK, I get it. But I still think there are a lot of nice guys who just aren't appreciated. Nice guys - not doormats, not whipped.

 

[Tall Average Guy]

My exH is Super AlphaMan & I left him. However he was a very aggressive alpha & very few people, let alone women, like that type of personality. I like nice guys, not doormats.

I see lots of posts from nice guys whose wives treat them like sh_t & frankly those wives are b_tches.

Maybe if the nice guys would "alpha up" a bit, the wives would be nicer but I doubt it. In most cases, the wives would just get b_tchier & that is NOT the desired result.

People need to be very careful when selecting a partner to marry. If the woman is entitled, spoiled, b_tchy no matter how hot she is, a nice guy should think very carefully before marrying her or he will wind up here posting about it.

Of course the above is not gender specific, but the post is talking about nice guys.

While there is certainly some of this, I think a lot is due to human nature. When nice guys constantly sacrifice so that their wife likes them, it becomes the norm. This is no different than anything else.

To give an example, my wife and I commonly have a snack after the kids go to bed. It may be nothing more than some cheese and crackers, but just a little something to nibble on. One of my "nice guy" habits was to get her snack and put her stuff away when we were done. This was back when our sex life was having problems and I was trying to pick up slack to show how nice I was (though I did not realize conscuously at the time, I was also hoping she would see that and want to have sex because I was so nice). The problem was it became a habit, and she would be get mad if I did not do it. I remember her being upset one evening when she went to bed earlier than I did because I had not picked up her stuff. What started out as a nice gesture became the norm, and anything less was seen as poor behavior.

Now, I don't think my wife is a b1tch, but I do think I was training her that she was above me. I fixed my behavior, and she now appreciates when I offer to do things (and offers to do things for me now as well). So while I think some women are naturally b1tches, I think that some men have trained their women to be that way.

 

[Mavash.]

I agree it is a disconnect involving what a "nice guy" is. Mavesh hits it on the head when she writes about the bad type of "nice guy". This is the guy that thinks that being nice enough will get them loved. That people will see these sacrifices and appreciate them. The problem is that it does not work over the long haul. When one person is always sacrificing, the other has a naturally tendancy to just accept that. That breeds disrespect and resentment.

For the record I see through my husband now. I see that yes all he wants is for me to love him. I think I've come a long way in convincing him that I WANT to meet his needs all he has to do is ask.

Lately he's been doing just that....speaking up and asking for what he wants. Because I'm trying to 'train' him to do this more I jump when he asks. I'm not just giving lip service to the part where I want to change this dynamic in our marriage.

I've always loved and adored him but felt this disconnect because he wasn't happy. He wasn't happy because I wasn't showing him love in the way HE wanted it. Now that he's telling me what he wants (and I'm giving it to him) he's happier which in turn is making me happier. Win/win.

 

[Faithful Wife]

Enjoli...I'm interpreting what you're saying as "I want a Good Man".

Due to the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, the phrase Nice Guy has a specific meaning these days, and it refers to a man who is not a good man at all.

Of course, just having alpha traits doesn't make a man a good man, either.

A Good Man can be alpha, nice, and emotional all at the same time.

 

[CrazyGuy]

You can be a nice guy without being a doormat. You can be a nice guy and still be protective.

I was always a nice guy because that is the way I want to be treated, with respect. Does not matter if I know you or not, treat everybody the same. Nice guys can provide protection, piss one off and find out. I would have been happy to put my life on the line to save my wife or my sons.

As a nice guy I do not care what other people think of me,I just care that I am doing what is right. I know what is important. Unfortunately for me though the only person I do care how she thinks of me does not think nice things. That is what messes up a nice guy. I only want one person to like me, type A's need a crowd and say look at me, like me, in my opinion.

 

[The Cro-Magnon]

props to machiavelli

I read an awful lot of NMMNG comments and see a lot of nice guys who post and aren't appreciated. I 'get it' that sometimes a woman wants to be 'taken' sometimes or wants the man to be decisive or protective but I would give anything for a "nice guy".

I'm sure it's my history but being married for 13 years to a narcissistic, type A (type H, actually) Alpha male just completely turned me off to Alphas.

Am I the only woman who LIKES the idea of a nice guy? Someone considerate, helpful and thoughtful. Some other woman's trash is my treasure.

NAWALT

 

[KathyBatesel]

I read an awful lot of NMMNG comments and see a lot of nice guys who post and aren't appreciated. I 'get it' that sometimes a woman wants to be 'taken' sometimes or wants the man to be decisive or protective but I would give anything for a "nice guy".

I'm sure it's my history but being married for 13 years to a narcissistic, type A (type H, actually) Alpha male just completely turned me off to Alphas.

Am I the only woman who LIKES the idea of a nice guy? Someone considerate, helpful and thoughtful. Some other woman's trash is my treasure.

I am married to the most thoughtful, nicest man I have ever met, but I dislike the kind of person that I call a "nice guy" - a euphemism for the passive aggressive type that tries to control their partner through displays of weakness or kindness. "Nice guys" are anything but nice! They're controlling and manipulative.

In my mind, there's the "nice guy" and then there is a "good man." It's one of the topics I wrote about on my blog because the men who do this feel like they're left in the dust. The good men, on the other hand, are snatched up quickly and never have to wonder.

 

[Caribbean Man]

I am married to the most thoughtful, nicest man I have ever met, but I dislike the kind of person that I call a "nice guy" - a euphemism for the passive aggressive type that tries to control their partner through displays of weakness or kindness. "Nice guys" are anything but nice! They're controlling and manipulative.

In my mind, there's the "nice guy" and then there is a "good man." It's one of the topics I wrote about on my blog because the men who do this feel like they're left in the dust. The good men, on the other hand, are snatched up quickly and never have to wonder.

:iagree: with everything said here 100%.

Both you an Mavash have the correct interpretation of " nice guy."

Absolute NO woman wants to be married to a man who carries the " nice guy " label.
Nice guy = passive aggressive.
A lot of women are confusing " nice guy " with "good man."
A good man is one who has the qualities YOU look for and admire in a man, and more.
A " nice guy" is basically a dangerous, covert liar.

A nice guy is the equivalent of that girl in the office or group of friends who is always extremely obsequious and pleasant, but goes behind your back and sleeps with your man , or steal your promotion .
A " good man " does stuff to please you because he finds fulfillment and joy in pleasing you. A good man can respectfully disagree with your point of view , and work it out quite amicably.
A " nice guy" will pretend to go along with everything you say , while secretly resenting your dominance. He will smile and laugh with you,whilst secretly planning exactly how to get even with you.


In my opinion ( which may be flawed ), women who are dominant, tend to want " nice guys " because they think that they can be easily controlled.
In other words , a " nice guy " offers to them " the path on least resistance" in a relationship.
With a " nice guy " they can do whatever they want and be only accountable to themselves.
But a relationship takes hard work and sacrifice. Any relationship where only one person is doing all the " heavy lifting " cannot work.

A " good man " will hold you accountable for your actions, support your goal and ambitions, give you the respect you deserve , while at the same time expressing his needs and desires.

So maybe you ladies at confusing " nice guy " with " good man."