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Why does whether or not a person is a christian or not have to be the basis for why a marriage is not working?
You are right, however you mis read the thread.

Jenny:
I believe in the power of God and have been praying often. Thank you for replying
MrsLV:
Do you both share your faith in God?
Sharing a common bond often helps a relationship.
Religion~ Not only does this help glue couples together but it gives them an identity. It helps open new ways of communicating and sharing. Because of church schedules it shows families there is nothing wrong with MAKING time to be together. I hear so many times we never have time to do this or that. If you go to church then that is a sign you can make time for each other. It is no wonder that more families that rate religion highly eat together too.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/322-relationship-thesis.html

Jenny:
No he doesn't share my faith at all. I was raised in a very catholic family. He doesn't even have a donomination. This bothered me at the beginning
Suzie:
You must have seen parts of his behaviour before you got married.
Most abusive relationship start out without signs or with few and get worse as time goes by.
for more check this out.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/360-verbal-abuse-thesis.html

draconis
 

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I agree with the other posters that recommended counseling. If he doesn't agree to go, go by yourself. You can talk to someone that is fairly objective and they can help you get perspective on what is happening.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, is there something going on with his family or at work? Since this behavior started up at the time of marriage, perhaps it has something to do with how he thinks a marriage should work. Maybe this is how his dad treated his mom. I was rather lucky that my husband had a terrible home life but goes out of his way everyday not to be like his male role models.

On the other hand, he could be an abusive person. No one deserves to be spit on or to be yelled at for trying to go get groceries. These aren't normal responses. I find it interesting that he turns it around on you when you try to confront his behavior. If he's the type of person who can never be in the wrong unless he's trying to get you to do something for him--you need to listen to your instincts that something is very wrong here.
 

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Here is a list of the things I’d consider verbally abusive.

I) Ridicule your core beliefs or who you are.

IV) Humiliation in private or in public.

V) Severe mood swings.

VI) Controlling of situations like money.

IX) Manipulation with lies

XIII) Questions your every move and motive

XV) Using words to shame you

XVI) Yelling, swearing and screaming.

XVII) Using rage to cause fear

XVIII) Act different in public then in private.
 

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Most abuse of this nature start after the marriage. It doesn't start before because she could easily walk away. He has her now so he can do what he wants. When he invalidates her feelings it serves to strip away her self esteem, to make her feel less of a person. She shouldn't have to ask for money for groceries. A telling sign of the dynamics and control was the statement "I would never take his money" and that he had a girlfriend who stole from him. It's supposed to be "our" money. Not his and hers. As for stealing.....EXCUSE ME???? Taking family money to buy groceries is not, never has been and never will be, stealing. This is not even close to healthy.

Get out now. File for a divorce on the grounds of mental cruelty and abuse (spitting is seen as physical abuse). Force him into counseling. If he refuses, divorce him and move on. If he goes through counseling and you are happy with him, withdraw the filing.
 

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ACCER ~ Nice wisdom.

I do think some couples keep money seperate and divide up bills. My wife and I have done this for years. But there is never a time when she says that we need food that I don't throw my wallet to her and ask she leaves me five bucks for the week.

Although we don't share money we have always bailed each other out if a bill is behind.

draconis
 
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