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Newly wed, husband with Low-T - Dilemma

1082 Views 3 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  sunshinegal

I'm new to the forum but have been following some threads with regards to Low-T condition (in men). However, I haven't come across many threads that address its effect on marriages.

I'm in a tough situation and I'm posting to hear from others who may have been in something similar:

So, the problem in brief:
My husband (33) & I (30) got married 6 months ago and by the 2nd month realized that he had a Low T condition (T levels : 350 - ED issues, lack of motivation, energy and a slew of typical low T symptoms).
It turns out that it's caused due to high prolactin and he has a micro-prolactinoma (4mm). He's getting treatment for the last 3 months but we're still waiting for effects which have been slow to come. Some background issues to be stated : this was an arranged marriage (Asian/Indian origin), and in such marriages pre-marital sex doesn't usually happen and hence such issues are rarely known before hand. Anyway, long story short, this whole situation comes as a huge shock to me and I'm struggling to cope. The last 6 months have been a blur - a revolving door of doctors, urologists, GPs and endocrinologists.

We've never been able to consummate the marriage. Worried and upset as I am, I'm not even attracted to him anymore. His family & him play-down the whole thing saying he was fine before the marriage and somehow try to blame me for this.

I do feel that my husband is an otherwise good person who just doesn't deserve this problem. But as an educated woman, I'm heart-broken to hear about what the long-term consequences that are typical of the low-t treatment path. I worry about having kids, sexual compatibility and ever having a 'normal' life. I also worry about the fading attraction.

I'm interested in learning :
1. Have any of you (marrieds) successfully coped with fixing a low-t situation ?
2. Is there a permanent fix for low-t ? Or is life-long medication inevitable ?
3. Has anyone felt the loss of attraction towards a low-T partner ?
4. Does low-T typically affect marriages adversely ?
5. Looking back, what would you advise to a newly wed just entering this phase ?

Hoping to hear from you...
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First off, I am VERY sorry that he and his family are making you the scapegoat for his low-T issues and/or ED issues. That's awful and I hope you aren't buying into that nonsense!

Secondly, I do not have a lot of experience with someone with low T but I do have experience with someone who had ED issues associated to something mental, not physical. But the whole time we were addressing his ED issues with doctor appointments and other evaluations, he always took the time to please me and made me feel special and attractive. I would hope that your husband would want that for you even though he may not be experiencing pleasure on his end because of his medical issue.

He should want that for you. Even though you may not be able to consummate the relationship and conceivie children together right now doesn't mean that you don't have physical needs. And it's not just physical but you need the emotional part that comes along with needing to feel wanted and desired. And I would think if you two just held each other and kissed without the pressure of sex it would make both of you feel great. No?

I can't answer all your questions and I hope someone comes along who can but perhaps I helped a little with #3 and how to prevent that. There is a way to keep that attraction going without sex but you both have to be willing participants. Unfortantely, at this time, you'll be benefiting from it more physically but it will be good for both of you emotionally to stay connected.
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I felt for him until it came up to the part of making you the responsible one. I understand it's a hit to his ego, but my attitude to a great sex life is realize what you REALLY have and what you don't. Do EVERYTHING you can with what you have.

Would viagra work in his situation?
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Dad&Hubby & IrishGirlVA - Thanks for your inputs ! Viagra might help, but I've chosen the approach of waiting for medication to take effect.

Maybe because of his medical condition, he has almost no sex drive. And he imagines that mine is high (I'd say mine is normal for a 30 y/o woman). And then there's the worry - he/we've been in shock since he just didn't expect any of this. The word 'Tumor' shook him up quite a bit.

I wonder how other marrieds have handled this situation. Are they ever able to have a normal, worry-free life at some point ... ? Does it get better ?
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