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You make sure your disinterest in him is real and not some built up resentment or delusion you're experiencing.

If you find you really have no love for him then tell him.
You're wasting his time
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How do I battle this if it is resentment? At this point I dont know what to do. My best friend KNOWS me. She said that I am too independent (womens studies major/feminist) and needed somebody who can handle that. My husband HAS to know where I am, always wants to come everywhere with me. I like having my own space, Going places alone. Maybe I dont need to be married at all. And maybe I do resent him because I am not living my dreams right now because I am married to him. He has no interest or experience with the things I am interested in. And I think I do resent him for it, like he is holding me back.
Have you told him all this?

Does he know you want something different from life?
He might be more than happy to compromise with you about much of it in order to have a wife that loves him and a strong marriage
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Is there anyone else you're interested in right now? If there is, that will affect how you feel about your husband.

If there's not, it sounds like you guys might not be that compatible. I'm all for busting your ass to save a marriage when there are kids involved, but if there aren't, I think deciding you don't want to do the hard work to try to salvage things is a reasonable decision.

You're coming across as pretty classist in your post. I think, for your own personal growth, you should really evaluate how classism affects your life and your relationships, and see if you can grow past that. If you do, and you still don't feel compatible with your husband, then you'll know it's not your flaw that's standing in the way.

Good luck to you.
 

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Did you love him when you got married?

I think you guys should see a marriage counselor. Of course, it's impossible to get more than a tiny snapshot of your marriage and it's problems on a chat board, but it sounds like you have a hard time talking with him, and maybe aren't 100% sure what you want from the marriage and what would make you happy? If that's the case, then at the very least marriage counseling would help you identify your role in this and avoid a repeat of this situation if you do divorce.

It's good that you don't have kids. Be flawless with your birth control until this is all sorted out!
 

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I left my first husband for similar reasons. We were married all of 9 months when I realized we were not meant to be. Now, 12 yrs later, he is one of my best friends. We were simply not meant to be more. Good luck in moving forward.
 

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I'm one to always try to make a marriage work unless there is a betrayal or abuse. Review your vows. Tell your husband where you are. If your marriage is to work you both will have to change. Not just him.
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I appreciate all your feedback. I know he just wants to make me happy. I will talk to him this weekend and see what we both want and where we both are. I am not going to back down and just glaze over our issues anymore. We've talked in the past but it usually just ends up with going back to what we were doing before. We need to both stop being so afraid of what we feel because we dont want to hurt the others feelings. We really need to confront what is going on in our marriage and why we can't talk to each other.
 

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Honestly, I think it was because he was a safe choice. He was a great provider, stable job
You married him primarily for financial security. That's a nice way of saying "gold digger".

That's a recipe for unhappiness. Money is NEVER the answer.

my parents loved him, I got along with him and his family
That's not a reason to get married. Not even close.

I love him and want the best for him but I dont know if I'm the one to make him happy.
In other words, you know he's not the one who will make you happy. Even if you're the best for him, its not enough of a reason to stay together because despite the fact that you love him, this is about what you want, not what he wants.

Not that there's anything wrong with your school of thought. You're selfish, you were looking for a sugar daddy, you were going along with what everyone else wanted, and now you're in a mess.

At least no innocent children are going to be hurt.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 · (Edited)
You married him primarily for financial security. That's a nice way of saying "gold digger".

Not that there's anything wrong with your school of thought. You're selfish, you were looking for a sugar daddy, you were going along with what everyone else wanted, and now you're in a mess.

.
 

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Wow. I don't see how so many ppl can reply so... calmly.

I don't know where to start. Um. Yeah I think you got married for all the wrong reasons. I also think you are selfish and it's really coming out. I don't think you DESERVE HIM! And yes, I know very little about ya'll. But you know, you've told me enough.

There's no love here. There's no "marriage" here in my opinion. You sound so materalistic, it's almost disgusting. But hey, I'm from a poor family that works hard for what they've got. Couldn't afford college etc.

Yes, I'm divorced, but my wife is a little... "not herself" More and more I'm feeling she may be mentally ill.

But let me tell you about our love, our marriage. We fell in love when she was 17. I was in my 20's. We agreed to give it a shot once I realized how young she was (I was TOLD she was 20) so we agreed to date and go from there. IN the next 2 years, we still couldn't keep our hands off each other. She was so proud of me, and I was of her. We had to show each other off to everyone. We had our issues, and all that, but we worked through them.

We were together for 11 years. Married for 7. Yes, we waited years before we got married. We never fought over money. When we realized there was something we wanted, whether it was just her thing, or mine, we both decided HOW TO GET IT, OR GET THERE TOGETHER!

You don't sound like you want to get anywhere together with him. Not at all.

If I'm very harsh, or too harsh, I'm very sorry if I'm out of line, I truly am. But I am SO SICK of seeing ppl marry w/o love. Love is blind, love doesn't need money, doens't need an educated spouse, doens't need that big house, a small one will be fine! I'm this way righ tnow because I just found out that some close friends of mine are getting a divorce. Why? His wife, found a better LOOKing man with his own business. Known him for less than 2 months. WTF is it with people?

Love isn't in that hummer, it's not in the tan of the neighbor, or the 6pack of the guy at the gym.

I'm emotional, yes, I"m upset yes, and I'm sorry If I'm truly taking it out on you, but really, I do believe what I'm seeing, and saying. You sound too materialistic, too selfish to have married this man for love. You just do not sound like someone who wants love.

I'm sure you hate me by now, judging by how you came here asking for advice, then get honest answers, then kinda snap at the guy above me, yeah. You probably don't want to listen to anymore. But let me say it anyways.

ASK YOUR HEART what it wants. If you loved him, you would be asking HOW TO HELP this situation. You sound like you're asking us to tell you how to leave. If you LOVED HIM... you'd find a good, Pro Marriage counselor. If you loved him, you'd tell him in the most heartfelt way. He desrves that much. Me? I think you should either let go of your selfish ways and love your husband like you vowed to do, or leave him, let him find someone WORTHY of him.
 
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