[Mari89]

To be honest, he doesn't at all seem physically or sexually attracted to you....Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but judging by reading your post, that's what it actually sounds like...

It's easy to just make the pornography the villain here, but it seems as though there was never a strong physical connection...I don't know why he hung around and why you married him(especially knowing this), as most of the time the problems you are mentioning happen far longer than two years together...Hell, most people are still at a stage in two years where they can't keep hands off one another....Your deal sounds like the typical couple that has been together for decades and grew apart....

My feeling is that he isn't in this marriage for the intimacy and sex...And the porn he is using didn't "spoil" him, he is using it as a tool...The way some people sound it's as if only the people with relationship or sex problems are viewing it...Many people who have 100% "normal" sex lives in terms of desire and frequency also will view it and some even use it to spice up their own sex lives...I am not saying that there isn't a possibility that he has a problem, but if you have had these problems since practically day one, then I don't think he ever really had a strong attraction physically...

Giving an "ultimatum" as some suggest, isn't a great idea, IMO..What good does it do to know that you had to practically put a gun to a guys head to get him to do what he should be doing naturally anyway?...What type of satisfaction would you have with that? I know I wouldn't be so keen...Now if he did it of his own free will and understanding of the issue, that would change the dynamic...

I think rather than just focusing on just the porn, try to figure out why this guy seemingly never had any interest in you sexually right from the get go...

How do I figure out that he was never into me sexually? He’s obsessed with smacking my behind , not sure if that matters.

 

[Talker67]

I tried dressing up in lingerie that he likes and role playing. I even watched porn with him and he seemed uninterested in the porn

i am sorry to hear that. You sound pretty sexy, AND willing to please your husband! What more can a man want???

 

[hamadryad]

i am sorry to hear that. You sound pretty sexy, AND willing to please your husband! What more can a man want???

In his case, anyone but her, for all we know...

No disrespect, but this thinking that any man is somehow damaged in some way if there is a willing woman in the house and he's not willing to take her...It's just way more complicated than that for a lot of men...Sure....some won't care...for whatever reason, this guy does...

 

[VladDracul]

How do I figure out that he was never into me sexually? He’s obsessed with smacking my behind , not sure if that matters.

No disrespect, but this thinking that any man is somehow damaged in some way if there is a willing woman in the house and he's not willing to take her...It's just way more complicated than that for a lot of men...Sure....some won't care...for whatever reason, this guy does...

Mari, I doubt if another man would have any trouble "in the bedroom" with you and many could fulfill your desires. And would find you sexy enough to do it on a frequent basis. Your old man ain't one of these men and he never will be. Some men, as it turns out, are just not capable of tending to their wives sexual desires. ( I say wives because most GFs wouldn't put up with his peculiarities) I've know many of these women through the years and virtually all were attractive to very attractive. These men turn to porn because they don't have what it takes to accept the challenges,if you will, and the responsibilities of satisfying anyone other than themselves. I would guess you're very attractive because men of the type youre apparently married to tend to "wimp out" when dealing with attractive women and providing a adequate level of love making skills.
When your old man is "fist banging" himself to the tune of videos of women, he doesn't have the worry of pleasing you and he can just let it rip with blithe disregard for your needs. I'd bet his ineptness in the saddle is why his ex hit the trail. In any case, you still need what your porn addict husband can't do.
My recommendation is to ditch this dud and replace him with someone who appreciates you and is up to the task.

 

[hamadryad]

Mari, I doubt if another man would have any trouble "in the bedroom" with you and many could fulfill your desires. And would find you sexy enough to do it on a frequent basis.

Newsflash....The world is chock full of the hottest women you may see, that guys are sick of fcking....Just look at all the stories you hear of these red hot celebrity women that you would think their man would spend their entire waking hours worshipping them sexually...yet their husbands are out there getting it from the nanny someone else..

This thinking by some that it's just a given that a woman with breasts and a functioning vagina is the worlds sexual gift to any man on the street and should never want for sexual attention from men is not only demeaning to men, its wrong....For those men involved, It has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not they are capable, for whatever reason they no longer want to...Maybe it's some hangup they have, or maybe it's that the connection that guy had with that woman was lost...being "hot" and wearing lingerie aint gonna make that disconnect disappear...

We really don't know what the reasons are and only have one side of this story...Heck, every story I read on here from women that aren't getting it from their husbands claim they are the perfect woman in every way...I've known plenty of gorgeous women over the years that I'd rather run my junk through a meat grinder than put it in them...

Bottom line is for many men, it's just not that simple...

 

[VladDracul]

Hamadryad, I hear what your saying and agree in general. Nevertheless, if a woman wants a good f-ing, she ain't got to look hard to find a man that will give her a good f-ing; Even if the man back the house has lost his desire for her.

 

[Lynnfromcali00]

Reading through your description of his behaviors, it is also entirely possible he is cheating on you as well. If he’s not having a lot of sex with you, he is getting it somewhere else. I doubt he’s only masturbating to porn.

 

[Talker67]

In his case, anyone but her, for all we know...

No disrespect, but this thinking that any man is somehow damaged in some way if there is a willing woman in the house and he's not willing to take her...It's just way more complicated than that for a lot of men...Sure....some won't care...for whatever reason, this guy does...

i am going to still put a lot of the burden on this one guy.
A woman you married...well you CHOSE HER. At one point in time, you obviously thought her sexually attractive. If after some period of married life you now are turned off sexually by her...try readjusting your brain and your expectations.

have you really tried EVERYTHING?
Maybe she just needs some lingerie.
Maybe some role play, some BDSM, you can be the top or the bottom, maybe ask her to peg you, maybe you want to be her cuckhold and watch other guys do her....maybe you want her to get one of her GFs into bed with you...
who knows, but an eager woman is not something you want to waste without really giving up on all the options!

 

[hamadryad]

i am going to still put a lot of the burden on this one guy.
A woman you married...well you CHOSE HER. At one point in time, you obviously thought her sexually attractive. If after some period of married life you now are turned off sexually by her...try readjusting your brain and your expectations.

have you really tried EVERYTHING?
Maybe she just needs some lingerie.
Maybe some role play, some BDSM, you can be the top or the bottom, maybe ask her to peg you, maybe you want to be her cuckhold and watch other guys do her....maybe you want her to get one of her GFs into bed with you...
who knows, but an eager woman is not something you want to waste without really giving up on all the options!

No disrespect, but this is just a pile of nonsense, here^^......

One doesn't have to "try everything" to determine it's not there...All that would do is further punish you into doing something you already know you don't want to do....This isn't fishing where you can try all the lures in the tackle box if they aren't taking the spinner baits...Once it's gone, it's gone...IME anyway(and judging from a lot of cases, and a low success rate of ever getting "it back" in others experiences as well)..There is no "readjusting a brain" ...Whatever was once there is now long gone....That woman may as well have a penis at that point... 😂

Although to be fair, I shouldn't joke about this....it's one of the most horrible things that can happen(alienation of attraction/affection sexual or otherwise)...but unfortunately it does happen...it's not even really rare..

The world if full of "eager women"....And maybe that's part of the issue...

Your.....results.....may .....vary....