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Discussion starter · #22 ·
I believe he shares custody of a child so presumably he would need to live reasonably near the childs mother and childs school etc.
His child is old enough to fly unaccompanied if needed. There’s no telling where this will go so we definitely aren’t to that point. Believe me I do understand all these things are factors potentially.
If I obsess over all the little details I might as well say forget it entirely.

my husbands children flew back and forth between their mom and dad when we relocated due to work. It is possible. Ideal? Not necessarily. Also, I don’t have family here. We moved herealmost three years ago. I have some great friends I’ve made and wonderful church family but beyond the at and my sons school beginning, im not hard pressed to stay here forever.
 
His child is old enough to fly unaccompanied if needed. There’s no telling where this will go so we definitely aren’t to that point. Believe me I do understand all these things are factors potentially.
If I obsess over all the little details I might as well say forget it entirely.

my husbands children flew back and forth between their mom and dad when we relocated due to work. It is possible. Ideal? Not necessarily. Also, I don’t have family here. We moved herealmost three years ago. I have some great friends I’ve made and wonderful church family but beyond the at and my sons school beginning, im not hard pressed to stay here forever.
I couldn't and wouldn't move 1000 miles away from my child but that's just me.
 
Hey, when is he coming to meet you? Like, sometime soon?

just wanted to wish you luck. I hope you enjoy yourself spending time with him. I’ve read your previous threads. You’ve been through a lot. You could use a break and have something nice for a change.
 
Discussion starter · #31 ·
Hey, when is he coming to meet you? Like, sometime soon?

just wanted to wish you luck. I hope you enjoy yourself spending time with him. I’ve read your previous threads. You’ve been through a lot. You could use a break and have something nice for a change.
Thank you for your positive comment. Truly. We’re working on a date. Probably won’t be until next month I imagine once both our kids are back to school.

Again thanks for the positivity. It’s made my day and this week alone has been a rough one for me.
 
.....I met a guy through whisper by replying to a whisper he’d made.

.......he’s a Christian man, we often share bits of our Bible studies,

.......I was married for almost fifteen years to my LH who killed himself back in March.

.......While I know I need to be cautious, it would be easy to be preyed upon, everything has checked out thus far.

......he would stay in a hotel nearby, we’d meet up once my son is in school for the day, kind of date I guess you’d say. Feel each other out?
March seems a little early to be dating after the trauma of a 15-year spouse suicide. You probably should be in therapy and asking your therapist when you should start dating AFTER you have emotionally healed from the death of your spouse.

Speaking of emotional healing, you should be wondering about the emotional health of your school age son and how he might take to you starting to date within just a few months of his dad's death.

I think you are moving way too fast for both your sake and the sake of your son.

Good luck.
 
Discussion starter · #33 ·
March seems a little early to be dating after the trauma of a 15-year spouse suicide. You probably should be in therapy and asking your therapist when you should start dating AFTER you have emotionally healed from the death of your spouse.

Speaking of emotional healing, you should be wondering about the emotional health of your school age son and how he might take to you starting to date within just a few months of his dad's death.

I think you are moving way too fast for both your sake and the sake of your son.

Good luck.
Thanks for the feedback.
 
I’d think a background check would be in order. Starting with him, on your next video chat, pulling his drivers license out of his waller and holding it up to the camera so you can get his name, address, and drivers license number — as well as a screenshot.

Also, I think it’s important to loop in someone from real life that you trust, and let him know that you have (but not who exactly).

That’s important imho for your safety, but also for your kid’s.

You can be optimistic, yet at the same time take precautions that someone who would care about you would want you to take.
 
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If I were starting over, and concerned about protecting myself, I’d have the conversation with him where you each reveal what you think would most likely scare the other person off. Get it out of the way. I’d try to do that BEFORE the meet, because expectations could be too high, based on the amount of travel involved. If women are worried about the expectation a guy might have that there’d be sex after a fancy day capped off with an extravagant meal, what might a 1000 mile drive merit?
 
This seems ok to me as long as you take reasonable precautions already mentioned in this thread.

I don't berate the guy because he drives 1000 miles. I like to drive so that wouldn't be a weird thing for me to do at all.

It sounds safe enough, just stay in public areas in the first go round.
If you get bad vibes don't second guess those! Run!

Also, don't let good vibes and high emotions override common sense.

You wouldn't have to plan your future before taking the first step, but it is good to keep those ideas close by.
You don't want to get super-attached to him only to find out it will never work.

Baby steps + plenty of caution...I like it and wish you the best of luck.
 
I don’t even know if I’d call it dating. But, the run down is. I met a guy through whisper by replying to a whisper he’d made. I was in there posting my own rants, but we struck up a pen pal kind of situation, exchanging emails and have been emailing for a few months now.

he’s a Christian man, we often share bits of our Bible studies, what we read, what we got from it. We have the same values as far as children, politics, general character, ect yet, seem to be quite opposite in the same token. Which I don’t see as a bad thing, he’s just definitely out of the norm for me.

But what do I really know from the norm? I was married for almost fifteen years to my LH who killed himself back in March. This guy has been a great friend to me, he knows all the details of my past relationship with my husband. All of it and a little more I’ve not completely shared on here TBH.

I thought, wth, he’s a stranger and has great insight from the out looking in, I’ll spill my guts. Thought for sure by now he’s be running for the hills. He’s not and things have evolved lately in the last month and I’m kind of at a loss.

Now I know the right man will love me through the mess I’m in, won’t be afraid to be apart of healing and help me be even better than before. I know there are men out there like this. I just can’t imagine there’s one, 1000 miles away who interested in seeking me out. It’s crazy. But it’s happening.

While I know I need to be cautious, it would be easy to be preyed upon, everything has checked out thus far. We’ve spoken on the phone, added each other on FB, besides literally doing a background check, I don’t know what else more I could do to feel secure about this man. He wants to plan a trip to drive to meet me. His job is flexible as an IT professional and he would stay in a hotel nearby, we’d meet up once my son is in school for the day, kind of date I guess you’d say. Feel each other out?

Besides crushing my dream right off the bat, lol anyone else have any experience in this type of realm? I’ve never been on a dating site, still have ventured to set up a profile but I guess that’s simply because of where this seems to be headed?

Idk, I just wanted to share as I’m excited, I’m being as cautious as I can be and… I just don’t know?
Have you met online yet? Skype, Teams, etc?
 
Have you met online yet? Skype, Teams, etc?
Jumping in to answer this... she mentioned "Yes" to that here:

We have video chatted yes. It’s not super often as my son is always around obviously and we are both in the same page of not introducing each other in any form to either kids unless we know there is something deeper to pursue.
 
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