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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Newbie...various tips for being a good husband and father

Dear all!

I am 27 and I am truly believing and experiencing the husband and father feeling growing within me over the last few months.

It was ironically kick started when I read the final chapter of the final Harry Potter book. Immediately after and since then (nearly the last month or so), i began composing a document based on my future together with a future wife and kids, added to it when i though of another point to consider for myself, wife and kids.

I also got tips from online what - according to others - was expected of a good husband and father.

My question here is what advice would you give to a person in my position. I can post the tips I made up and got from the net for your suggestion.

I just wish to give my future family as good a life as i possibly can.

In 'Spiderman 3', aunt May interestingly says, 'Can you put your wife before yourself at all times?' I believe i can. I have had months being single to realize, understand and try to prevent what bad things i did in my past relationships.
 

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Wow, I'm impressed that you're taking the time to reflect on your "future wife and family" and seeking ways to prepare you for that life you're yearning for. I think that in itself reveals what kind of character you have. You seem like a nice guy and your future girlfriend/wife will be so lucky to have you.

I would say the key elements to a long-lasting, loving relationship would be communication, honesty, and practicing the art of forgiveness. Communication is KEY... you have to be able to share not just your goals, what you did that day, etc., but also your true feelings. I know men in general have a tough time verbalizing their feelings/emotions... but that's really important. I never knew that my ex was unhappy in the relationship until one day I noticed he was distant. It really caught me by surprise. We talked a lot, but he never communicated how he felt about things, life, etc. Needless to say, we're on a break.

Well, I don't have to elaborate on the 2nd topic of honesty... but that honesty is the best policy. On forgiveness... we ALL make mistakes because we're humans. With that in mind, it's important to forgive your partner for any mistakes/shortcomings she may have.

Hope this makes sense. Best of luck to you...
 

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My question here is what advice would you give to a person in my position. I can post the tips I made up and got from the net for your suggestion.
I just wish to give my future family as good a life as i possibly can.
I am truly impressed... this is fantastic and I think that all husbands-to-be should have to do the same!

I think the first thing you need to consider is that you have to wait for the right girl... the one who's going to also want these things and not take advantage of your giving nature. After that I'd say never be sneaky or squirrely and never do something that would cause you to see the look of pure hurt and disappointment on her face should she find out.

Good luck!
 

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I would have to say that it is so nice to see someone really thinking about how to be a good husband before the marriage. I would have to say to me the two most important things are communication and honesty. The other thing I just thought of is trust.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you all for your input :)

Because your feedback was so encouraging, here are the points i thought of myself and gathered from the net:

Being a good husband:

1. Be strong.
2. Be a man of your word.
3. Grow up.
4. Be responsible.
5. Plan ahead.
6. Keep a full-time job with regular raises, benefits, etc. to maintain family security.
7. Always arrive home refreshed and happy.
8. Be prepared to help with household chores when you get home and let your wife relax.
9. Do not bore your wife with stories of the troubles you faced at work today.
10. Never expect your wife to have contributed to the smooth operation of the household.
11. Be prepared to account for your whereabouts every minute of the day
12. Do not grumble about handing over your paycheque to her – having a wife is sharing your life with someone you love.
13. Listen avidly to your wife's complaints. Empathize.
14. Be prepared to give up your weeknights or weekends to whatever projects or socializing your wife has in mind.
15. Always be prepared to take over in caring for the children when you get home from work.
16. Stop trying to be an emotional Mr. Fix-It. We just want someone to say, “Wow, that must really hurt. That must feel really hard,” to say it with deep concern and love and mean it.
17. Own your stuff. Deal with yours and encourage your wife to do the same with hers.
18. Speak your heart.
19. Avoid being judgmental.
20. Be generous and fair with money.
21. Think like part of a team.
22. Be affectionate.
23. Own up when you’ve messed up.
24. Care about her well-being.
Remember that your wife is not a man.
“A woman wants a strong, silent man she can depend on.”

Being a good father:

Be more caring and easy to get close to:
1. The father needs to keep company of his children and know every side of them in order to form a close relationship.
2. The father can also show the tender side towards his children.
3. Participate more in the parent-child activities held by the children's schools so as to create more topics of talks of interest.
4. Show more comfort and concern to your children.
Show more admiration and acceptance:
1. Pay more attention to and show admiration for your children.
2. Respect the desires of your children and understand their difficulties.
3. Listen more to the views of your children.
4. Praise and confirm more of the achievements of your children and relieve unnecessary stress.
1. He's a good disciplinarian.
2. He allows his kids to make some mistakes.
3. He's open-minded.
4. He teaches his children to appreciate things.
5. He accepts that his kids aren't exactly like him.
6. He spends quality time with his children.
7. He leads by example.
8. He's supportive & loyal.
9. He challenges his kids.
10. He teaches his children lessons.
11. He protects his family at all costs.
12. He shows unconditional love.
 

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Well, you pretty much summed it up. I'm sure you will make a wonderful husband and father one day. You have the right attitude and mindset for it. Cheers!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 · (Edited)
Both parties (my future SO and myself) to accept cultures to their fullest (For me: and promise myself to devote my life as a wonderful husband and loving father and to be understanding at all times through all situations and respect different cultural ways of thinking).

Asian home? Retirement in Austria.
Retirement fund in retirement destination and other possible investments from start of settling down.
Confess all activities/interests engaged in life, ie. no secrets between us-before any such engagement proposal.
Holidays: Her family - my family - her family - my family,… (Private family holidays too )

Spoil wife and kids once in a while or when really appreciated. Ie. Take wife to romantic dinners once in a while and leave nanny at home until kids are mature/old enough, and take kids to fun places.

Being a good husband:

1. Be strong.
2. Be a man of your word.
3. Grow up.
4. Be responsible.
5. Plan ahead.
6. Keep a full-time job with regular raises, benefits, etc., to maintain family security.
7. Always arrive home refreshed and happy.
8. Be prepared to help with household chores when you get home and let your wife relax.
9. Do not bore your wife with stories of the troubles you faced at work today.
10. Never expect your wife to have contributed to the smooth operation of the household.
11. Be prepared to account for your whereabouts every minute of the day
12. Do not grumble about handing over your paycheque to her – having a wife is sharing your life with someone you love.
13. Listen avidly to your wife's complaints. Empathize.
14. Be prepared to give up your weeknights or weekends to whatever projects or socializing your wife has in mind.
15. Always be prepared to take over in caring for the children when you get home from work.
16. Stop trying to be an emotional Mr. Fix-It. We just want someone to say, “Wow, that must really hurt. That must feel really hard,” to say it with deep concern and love and mean it.
17. Own your stuff. Deal with yours and encourage your wife to do the same with hers.
18. Speak your heart.
19. Avoid being judgmental.
20. Be generous and fair with money.
21. Think like part of a team.
22. Be affectionate.
23. Own up when you’ve messed up.
24. Care about her well-being.

Remember that your wife is not a man.
“A woman wants a strong, silent man she can depend on.”
 

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I think that you are being very proactive in improving yourself before you dive into parenthood and becoming a husband. I am a female and I like your list but there was one that stuck out to me...number 14...while yes it is important to do the things she likes to do...sont forget the things you like to do. Always doing what she wants to do will get old fast...trust me...in a marriage you should find things that you BOTH like to do and respect the things your partner wants to do whether or not you like them too...for example...my fiance LOVES ice hockey...me...I hate it...but I go to the games and have a good time and at least try to learn about the sport. He goes with me to see movies that I like(yes even chick flicks)...so a relationship should be an even compromise BOTH ways...

kudos for the effort that you are making!! Your future wife will appreciate it!!:eek:
 

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Here is my suggestions.

1) Always communicate it is the most import thing you'll ever do.

2) Never let your life go mundane, once you do all the magic starts to fade.

3) If you can't do it in front of her it is wrong. Don't.

Kind of my marriage motto there.

draconis
 

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I'm new here, but it sounds like your relationship will be a great one. All the advice I have seen so far seems really great as well. Best of luck to you!!
 

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Aunt May is absolutely right about the ability to put your wife before you. My husband would do anything for me, and I would do the same for him. The ironic thing about giving all of yourself to your love is that you get it all back and then some.
The plans and rules you set out are very good, but you need to remember that life isn't scripted and plans hardly ever work out as you intend. Flexibility is called for, all the time.
You may want to think over telling each other everything you did or what happened to you. We are flawed beings, all of us, and perhaps some flaws that don't matter now should remain in the past.
Good luck to you.
 
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