Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hi. i have been lurking on here for a while as i was suspicious of my oh and he has finally admitted it. i am crushed to say the least.

jan he went on work night out was at a bar and within an hour exchanged numbers with this girl. i found that there had been 500 messages over the course of next few months to her - he denied and sadi they were to his work collegue.

i told him last week i had fouind a text message as was resetting his iphone for him and he admitted it. he said she was just someone to talk to. he would go out for about 30 mins and meet her for coffee. he swears it did not go further adnd this ended in august. phone bill proves this.

i am so angry i want to know all about her - took him 2 days to tell me her second name. i have called her and she has said there was nothing more than friendship. but im still broken.

what do i do. we have a daughter who is nearly 10 adn he has 2 sons previosuly who stay with us part the wekk (15 &17) we have been togther 13 years adn married 3. i will be the firsdt to admit that things have not been good and i have a very short temper but that did not give himn the right to do what he did.

i have txt him pretending to be her witha new number and he has basically told her to go away he has told me this also - shoudl i have done this.

i was revenge on her i am so angry.

where do i go?

thank you for reading.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,182 Posts
So now hopefully you now know your H, is done with his wandering

Real question is what do you want-----if you stay---you MUST set in some good strong boundaries---WITH ACTIONABLE CONSEQUENCES---not words

Take your time, and think about how you want your future to look

Also make sure your H, is accountable, he does not just GET TO GO BACK TO HIS LIFE AS IT WAS-------He needs to show solid remorse, and repentance, and has to know you are, for now, in charge of the mge---this is YOUR BALL GAME BY YOUR RULES----he does not get a say in decisions, for now

Also remember your main weapon here, if it must be used, is threat of D, and splitting up of property, and custody----You also might want him to sign a POST--NUP
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
thank you for replying.

he is doing all that i am asking. he works 1 hour drive away as a chef and im actually haoopy that the first time in a lot of years he works with people he likes and socialing with. as his hours he has really on one main freidn who we only see once a year and talk to regualry. i haev said that until i trust him again i do not want him going out iwth friends, drinking staying over etc hes accepted this. i have not sadi he cant go out just that he doesnt drink and comes home to me. is the acceptable.

i do want to make it work but all he can tell me is her name, age and divorced. says he doesnt rem much else (this i beleve knowing him how well i do)

i think what i cant get over is that when i fouind the messaegs in may time he denied it and told me i was mad. hes been texting her everymore in july during our family holiday.

i actually think its a shake up we both needed as we have bth negleted each other.

do i trust that it didnt lead to sex. has this been an ea or ealy stages. he said he just talked about work.

i doint want to talk to any of my freinds not to proect him but IM embarassed is this normal? im ashamed of what hes done.

i want the trust back..
thanks for lsitening. hes almsot home now but will post again 2moro amazing site :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
i have asked him for std testing he says he doesnt need too as didnt go further. i told him there would be no sex from me until he did. i said i beleive him that it did not go further - i beleive him. he has agreed for us to go together. thank you
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
hi thanks for advice.

i love him so much. i dont think he thinks what he did was actually wrong he thought he was just having a friendship - i have told him them why keep it from me and continue to lie.

i just cant get it out my head that he has texted her on our family holuday and whne my dad was ill in hospital and i needed him.

he has sadi that when he got the feeling she wanted more he told her it felt wrong and that he didnt want her friednship anymore. the text messages dates prove this so i guess when he realised that it was going to far he ended it and loves me. am i being niave.

thanks again for listening any comments appreciated as dont want to tell any of my friends.
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top