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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi! Newbie here and hoping to vent out a little and hearing what your thoughts about my situation. Although, my story can quite be long!

DH and I have been married for about four years. I can tell you that he and I jump into marriage way too fast as we've only known each other for a few months, and decided to get married but, we had a year to plan the wedding, so we had a year to get to know each other, though I am now saying to myself that was still not long enough..

Anyway, DH, his family and my family used to get a long sooo well. Until I gave birth to our first born. i decided to be a stay at home my that time, btw. Jealousy started to rise from my mother-in-law. Since I go pretty all the time to MY mom for help, advices, etc.. she gets furious that I do! I believe that she has said things to DH that would have DH get jealous of my family as well. Things got nasty one day... mom-in-law started saying all these things; that i should go to my mom for any problems involving our relationship and that I should only go to her since it's her son! And because my family doesn't see it both ways, she said that my family would hate DH. That time she was planning on sleeping over, but DH said to pack her things up so he can drop her off.. and off they went.. took him about 2 hours to finally get home.. and burst inside the house with eyes all flamed up! and asked me to choose between him and my mother! (i dunno what the hell his dear mother put in his head but after that night, i never saw the same guy i first met!)Well, i didn't really choose, but since i'm still with him... but i still see my mother as well. However, DH thinks I chose my family over him..

After a few months, he and i had an agreement that I should work so that i don't get all bored and stressed.. and told hime about the baby-sitting situation. He knows that my mom will have to watch my son. and he didn't like it at first, but i tried to explain to him the advantages.

Anyway... up to this day, he and his mother is still insecured and jealous of them and i think that's what breaks us apart! =(
i hate the fact that he get jealous of my mom (the woman who gave birth to me and the woman who raised me and my two brothers ALL by herself, hence this is why i have soo much respect to my mom.. more about it later!)

so, this is my story.. reference for later stories!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Alright, now i have some time to post more... i don't even know where to begin!

Like what i mentioned, DH and I have been having some issues. I find him very controlling.. it seems he wants me to be tied down in the house, and be a "good" wife where i wake up in the morning, get ready, get the kids ready, drop the kids to my mom, got to work, get off work, pick up the kids, pick up dinner, get home, get dinner ready, get cleaned up, put the kids to bed and clean the house and keep it that way. All while he has all the time to himself (which he requires because he works and go to school after work, which school is an online course).
he doesn't like me goin to my mom's because he thinks they are so bad influence on me and that he thinks my family tells me to leave him or tries to corupt my mind. In which case, I disagree. at this point, i have told him that as an individual, i do have a mind of my own, first off! That if and only if they are telling me things to corupt my mind, it is up to me to do any of it. Secondly, my family isn't all that bad. Though DH thinks I come from an uneducational family because we tell each other what we feel inside without any resentment, especially what we don't like.. and most times, we would seem to be yelling at each other and curse each other out, but that just how we are towards each other but WE ARE CLOSER THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE! DH does not see it in anyway.

DH and I have different views of raising a child and disciplining them. we did not discuss this at all throughout our marriage. It seems we just got talked about marriage and having a family of our own, and at that time sounds so great! Finally, a man who wants a lifetime commitment! but, i guess everything is goin downhill. For him, raising and disciplining a child should start aas early as 1! He says it's better to do it now that you have the power to do it than wait til he's older. For me, raising and disciplining a child starts right when they're born, however, keeping in mind that they are kids and that sometimes you need to just take it easy on them as they would have really no idea on things just aas yet! and of course, DH disapproves.

DH rarely sees nor listen to what my opinions are, and rarely he asks. One time he told me that when he makes plan, he needs to do it on his own, without me because it ruins his momentum, and that he would only let me know what it is when it is final. And when i do this, he gets frustrated because "i don't comunicate".

OMG! i am jumping from one problem to another aren't i?

When he and i would have an arguement, and me being a girl, would end up crying and sobbing. He would turn and say, oh, stop the drama! :( it hurts me when he says this!

He gets jealous of everything! My mom, kids, work, hobby?...
I know i have my negatives throughout this marriage as well. From experience, growing up with my mother and two brothers and having to have an early responsibility in life made me realize a lot of things and maybe hard to undo some beliefs but doable! For instance, I believe on having the kids as priorities before anything because of the fact that my mom raised us all on her own.. and living in a third world country did not make it any easier on her. She gave up her life for us... she did everything she can to give us future, went around house to sell things, tried to put up a small restaurant, and evem went abroad thinking its the best way and left us to grandparents. Going abroad totally made a difference in her life most specially! of course she gets more money, but also ruined her life... she was raped by her boss who's had a long time affection towards her and because she wanted to give us the world, she gave in, but couldn't take any of his crap. so left and came back, and finally met my step dad and we're here.

Anyway, growing up, i was never really that materialistic.. i didn't wear any make-up (though i wish i do, but just didn't know how and with sensitive skin as well as not having a lot of money to spend on material things), no expensive habits.. Lately, i have been addicted to mineral make-up. it makes me feel good. i have learned how to apply it correctly and found something my skin doesn't react and have a little money to spend on it. Well, DH gets jealous of it. He says i spend a lot of time on it that i have no time to do anything else... though at some point he is right, however, i don't see it as he sees it. I hardly have time to put any of it on my skin when i'm at home. Most woman i know get to play with their stuff.. put it on, take it off, put different color.. etc. i on the other hand does not have time to do that nor put it on my face everyday! only time i get to be pretty is when i'm on my way to work.

It kills me that kills DH over these things. These are just some stuff i'm in right now. i know i have more thing to say for yo to actually get a better view of my issue. It's been soooo hard lately that i just want to give up and leave, but i think of our kids and their future. I don't kow if i'm as strong as my mom, and having a heated arguement with DH gives me a breakdown.

So far, this is what i have for you. PLease leave any comments or questions to get a better understanding of it all. Thank you for reading my posts so far!
 

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I do think there's something to be said for keeping issues in your relationship within the relationship and not venting to family. What can happen is if you tell your mom something about your DH that bothers you, but then make up with him, she may still start to have bad feelings about him because she is not there to see you make up, etc. But on the other side, marriage isn't about feeling alone and unloved. You have needs and dreams too, that your husband should support. I hope you are able to connect with him on a calm level and talk about what you are feeling so that he doesn't feel he's being attacked, but understands that you love him and need him to be there for you. Parents only want what's best for their kids and in your case it seems as though your moms have the right intentions, but are only pulling you further away from each other. The two of you need to work together to change that.
 
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