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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
When you’re new to this forum and seeking advice, chances are that you are the betrayed spouse; just as I was when I first came here. At first you will likely be shocked and chagrined at the directness, self-assuredness and audacity of many of the posters. You may at first, think one or more of the following:

- These people are just bitter and have it out for cheating spouses, because they’ve never gotten over their own betrayals. They really don’t care what happens to me.

- These people have the arrogance to assume they know the mind set of me or my cheating spouse. They really can’t understand because it’s more complicated.

- This advice is counter-intuitive. If I do what’s suggested I’ll just drive my spouse further away, maybe for good. I can’t do that or tell him/her that.

- These people aren’t trained counselors. Where do they get the gall to tell me these things?

- Why do they have to be so abrupt and in my face, so critical? I just want some empathy and understanding.

I’m not going to spout the conventional responses to these perceptions. These perceptions are wrong of course, but you probably wouldn’t accept the explanations right now anyway. If you really want to be convinced that a vast majority of these posters want to help you and have the knowledge and experience to do so; read.

Read the threads. Read a lot of them. Read the ones related to your situation and even the ones that aren’t so related. You’ll soon come to understand why you’re receiving the advice you’re receiving.

We are a collective of former betrayed spouses, former cheaters, and some that have never strayed or been cheated on. Some of us are reconciling, some have divorced. But pretty much all of us, have higher education – from the prestigious Hard Knocks University and Been There College.

We want to try and help you if we can. You may not always like what you hear; at least not at first.
 

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As a former WS, who is very blessed to be 9 months in to what is becoming a beautiful reconciliation, I will second the OP's post as 100% accurate.

I, actually, posted my story here 2 1/2 weeks after D-Day, followed by my husband, B1, 2 days later when he happened upon my original thread.

More than, even, our IC or MC, I credit the advice (and support) we received here with giving us the direction and tools that we are utilizing in saving our marriage.
 

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Maybe edit in something about the fog and how it can blind both the ws and the bs. I notice the hardest thing for most new BSs to deal with is the 2x4. The only place you'll ever find more lumber is a home depot.

Also, until you've been through it, and out the other side, it is very difficult to accept that your situation, while unique to you, is not unique. That the perfect relationship you had with your ws, the one everyone was jealous of, could still, and did, produce infidelity.
 
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