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Discussion Starter · #121 ·
I would suspect, at some point, that the male strippers will come out into the audience (?)
And, you will never know.

I agree, if other females touch the strange, wagging wangs, (when they are invited onstage, or [when and if], the naked men come forward and stand before each lady) she too, will give that appendage a tug..

Hell, you know her randy Mum, certainly will.

Seeing others do the touching may not inspire her to do the same, but if it comes to these penises being in her face, or at hand, she will not want to be seen the party-pooper.

I see this as a class thing.
Men and women who have class, do not attend such activities.

Your wife and her mum, have no class.

You do.

It's time to bail on her.
Exactly, no one shes not going to touch if everyone else does and I don't think shes going to refuse to go on stage as she will be deemed a party pooper then! She won't be able to contain herself plus shes not afraid to become centre of attention and try to make people laugh by doing something crazy.
 

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Are your parents or other family nearby? What if you told her you were packing up the kids and going to your parents for a few days to evaluate your relationship while she is having fun watching swinging Richards with her mom?

Have you asked her why she doesn't consider your feelings to be valid? How do you think she would react to reading the comments in this thread?
I like this idea and action. :whistle::D

When she goes.....and returns, do not be home.
And, ghost her for a day.

I would add.....do not tell her, in advance.
Let her realize those consequences, after the fact.
After, she gaped at those semi-flaccid, flip-floppers.

Oh, my, the look on her face, when she finds you and the young-ins, are off and away.

When she raises the predicted stink, just tell her this is what consequences look like!

This is the perfect set-up for putting her in the place, you choose.

She will now look at you in a different light.
Not necessarily (or likely) a good light, but who cares?
 

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Discussion Starter · #123 ·
I like this idea and action. :whistle::D

When she goes.....and returns, do not be home.
And, ghost her for a day.

I would add.....do not tell her, in advance.
Let her realize those consequences, after the fact.
After, she gaped at those semi-flaccid, flip-floppers.

Oh, my, the look on her face, when she finds you and the young-ins, are off and away.

When she raises the predicted stink, just tell her this is what consequences look like!

This is the perfect set-up for putting her in the place, you choose.

She will now look at you in a different light.
Not necessarily (or likely) a good light, but who cares?
She would probably enjoy the peace and quiet with no one in the house 😂

Don't want to start using the kids to get back at her. Its betweeen me and her and trying to establish the difference between respect and controlling. She thinks im being controlling, i think shes being disrespectful. Need to find that middle ground if we are going to save the relationship
 

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She would probably enjoy the peace and quiet with no one in the house 😂

Don't want to start using the kids to get back at her. Its between me and her and trying to establish the difference between respect and controlling. She thinks im being controlling, i think shes being disrespectful. Need to find that middle ground if we are going to save the relationship
You are correct in this line of thinking. She will see you going somewhere as a manipulation tactic. You have stated where you stand now you must be a man and live by it. You must be willing to lose this relationship in order to save it. You have clearly stated what the consequences are if she breaks your boundary. You must follow thru with action. Talk Less and Do More!
 

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She would probably enjoy the peace and quiet with no one in the house

Don't want to start using the kids to get back at her. Its betweeen me and her and trying to establish the difference between respect and controlling. She thinks im being controlling, i think shes being disrespectful. Need to find that middle ground if we are going to save the relationship
From everything you've said about her, it sounds to me like she's not LTR material.

She's emotionally careless, likes to live the single life, do as she pleases and gets her kicks out of having control over others.

I got a taste of all that from my ex-finance and decided to end it. I could not imagine living in a somewhat manipulative dictatorship for the rest of my life. Unfortunately I dragged out the process by attempting reconciliation, which left me pretty much broken. She was a wonderful person, but simply did not know how to treat me any differently that any other people in her life. I was not going to 'get in her way'. The thing is, I love independent women. It was not independence so much as a lack of regard for our relationship. I get that sense from how you describe your fiance as well. I'm likely biased though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #126 ·
You are correct in this line of thinking. She will see you going somewhere as a manipulation tactic. You have stated where you stand now you must be a man and live by it. You must be willing to lose this relationship in order to save it. You have clearly stated what the consequences are if she breaks your boundary. You must follow thru with action. Talk Less and Do More!
Bit confused here do you mean going somewhere with the kids as being manipulative or threatening to leave/leaving the relationship as manipulative?
 

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Discussion Starter · #127 ·
From everything you've said about her, it sounds to me like she's not LTR material.

She's emotionally careless, likes to live the single life, do as she pleases and gets her kicks out of having control over others.

I got a taste of all that from my ex-finance and decided to end it. I could not imagine living in a somewhat manipulative dictatorship for the rest of my life. Unfortunately I dragged out the process by attempting reconciliation, which left me pretty much broken. She was a wonderful person, but simply did not know how to treat me any differently that any other people in her life. I was not going to 'get in her way'. The thing is, I love independent women. It was not independence so much as a lack of regard for our relationship. I get that sense from how you describe your fiance as well. I'm likely biased though.
She usually goes out of her way to help people and can be a people pleaser but it seems like when it comes to us she just sees it as controlling and doesn't seem to want to listen to any reasoning if it spoils her fun. Guess she wants the best of both worlds, single and LTR.
 

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Bit confused here do you mean going somewhere with the kids as being manipulative or threatening to leave/leaving the relationship as manipulative?
Yes taking the kids somewhere would be manipulative in my opinion. Of course, any type of threat would be the definition of manipulative. Stating your boundary and sticking to it however is the trait of a strong man. Women like strong men.
 

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She usually goes out of her way to help people and can be a people pleaser but it seems like when it comes to us she just sees it as controlling and doesn't seem to want to listen to any reasoning if it spoils her fun. Guess she wants the best of both worlds, single and LTR.
She gets to live how she wants too. Plenty of women like her. However, she isn't compatible for you or for me either as I wouldn't tolerate that mess for very long either. She needs a man who will sit at home and watch the kids while she goes and has fun. I'm fairly certain she wouldn't tolerate the situation if the roles were reversed and you liked to go hang with boys constantly.
 

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[


Thats the issue im having with the consequences as it is something i tgink is a big deal and matters to me even if others dont. But is it big enough to walk away from? What other consequences are they?

It isn't a trust issue, its just what i considered acceptable in a relationship and getting dry humped by a stripper isn't acceptable to me.
I am 73, been married 51 years. This is not big enough to destroy a relationship with the mother of your children. You may not like it, but learn to pick your battles.

Even if they are male strippers .....they are probably drag queens dressed as strippers trying to arouse the straight male or gay members of the audience not the female audience members. Or If they are men dressed as male strippers they are probably to add humor to the show now sexual arousal of the female audience.

Oh and by the way, get around to marrying the mother of your children, it is much more the right thing to do than controlling the shows your girlfriend wants to see.

Good Luck to you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #131 ·
She gets to live how she wants too. Plenty of women like her. However, she isn't compatible for you or for me either as I wouldn't tolerate that mess for very long either. She needs a man who will sit at home and watch the kids while she goes and has fun. I'm fairly certain she wouldn't tolerate the situation if the roles were reversed and you liked to go hang with boys constantly.
This is now the issue that she doesn't care how i feel about it she just wants to do as she pleases. There isn't even a compromise on her part to try and see it how I do and have some respect for me. She wouldn't like it if I was out all the time or just done as i pleased.
 

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Discussion Starter · #132 ·
I am 73, been married 51 years. This is not big enough to destroy a relationship with the mother of your children. You may not like it, but learn to pick your battles.

Even if they are male strippers .....they are probably drag queens dressed as strippers trying to arouse the straight male or gay members of the audience not the female audience members. Or If they are men dressed as male strippers they are probably to add humor to the show now sexual arousal of the female audience.

Oh and by the way, get around to marrying the mother of your children, it is much more the right thing to do than controlling the shows your girlfriend wants to see.

Good Luck to you.
I think we are past the issue of her going to the strippers as a reason to separate, its now become the issue she doesn't care how i feel. If she doesn't see an issue with it shes going to do it regardless. It's about having mutual respect in a relationship and me raising this topic it shows theres no respect for me on her part.

It doesn't matter why they are there, its the fact of going to see them that i disagree with when in a LTR. Something she can't see, doesn't want to see or doesn't care.

As far as marriage, that is the last thing on my mind until we can sort this out and she shows that she can respect me. Why marry someone who has no respect for you?
 

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I am 73, been married 51 years. This is not big enough to destroy a relationship with the mother of your children. You may not like it, but learn to pick your battles.

Even if they are male strippers .....they are probably drag queens dressed as strippers trying to arouse the straight male or gay members of the audience not the female audience members. Or If they are men dressed as male strippers they are probably to add humor to the show now sexual arousal of the female audience.

Oh and by the way, get around to marrying the mother of your children, it is much more the right thing to do than controlling the shows your girlfriend wants to see.

Good Luck to you.
I said the same thing awhile back...Leaving seems a bit over the top. He says he trusts his wife , but he doesn't . I get the boundary thing
 

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Discussion Starter · #134 ·
I said the same thing awhile back...Leaving seems a bit over the top. He says he trusts his wife , but he doesn't . I get the boundary thing
Maybe it is a bit OTT to throw a relationship and family away over going to strippers but if I don't do anything this time, what happens next time she does what she wants with no regard to how i feel about it? Is it worth being in a relationship like that?
 

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I think we are past the issue of her going to the strippers as a reason to separate, its now become the issue she doesn't care how i feel. If she doesn't see an issue with it shes going to do it regardless. It's about having mutual respect in a relationship
This is correct.

Are you able to see what her point of view is?

(I am STILL suspicious that her mother is a factor in this. Do you know anything about her mother's marriage?)
 

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Discussion Starter · #137 ·
This is correct.

Are you able to see what her point of view is?

(I am STILL suspicious that her mother is a factor in this. Do you know anything about her mother's marriage?)
I guess I can as she is very open in her nature so she doesn't think its an issue. Has a female friend who is a stripper so knows what goes on there and doesn't have an issue with me going to one but would be upset if I got a lapdance. Bit hypocritical to me as men can't touch but woman can. She has said she won't touch or get up on stage for a dance but i think she'll get caught up in the moment and won't say no, if thats me not having trust in her to keep her word then so be it.

I don't know much about her mams marriage, except it wasn't a very good one. Her dad always worked and didn't care for the kids, it was all left to her mam. When they split up they think her dad was having an affair but not sure if it was proven but he got with someone else quick.
Her mam has a care free open nature attitude as well so she'll believe theres nothing wrong with it and im being an ahole!
 

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I guess I can as she is very open in her nature so she doesn't think its an issue. Has a female friend who is a stripper so knows what goes on there and doesn't have an issue with me going to one but would be upset if I got a lapdance. Bit hypocritical to me as men can't touch but woman can. She has said she won't touch or get up on stage for a dance but i think she'll get caught up in the moment and won't say no, if thats me not having trust in her to keep her word then so be it.
No, you've gone back to the stripper issue!
I meant, what's her point of view about the real issue, of does it matter to her that you feel bad about whatever it might be? You said that was the real issue, and I agree -- what would she say about it?
 

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I don't know much about her mams marriage, except it wasn't a very good one. Her dad always worked and didn't care for the kids, it was all left to her mam. When they split up they think her dad was having an affair but not sure if it was proven but he got with someone else quick.
So she may have inherited an idea like "don't make yourself completely dependent on a man".
 

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Discussion Starter · #140 ·
No, you've gone back to the stripper issue!
I meant, what's her point of view about the real issue, of does it matter to her that you feel bad about whatever it might be? You said that was the real issue, and I agree -- what would she say about it?
Sorry I thought you meant her take on the stripper issue.

She says that she does respect me and that i need to trust her and i am trying to control her. She said if she doesn't think something is not an issue shes not going to not do it in case i have a problem. Her example was doesn't want to miss out on GNO and future hen parties in case there is going to be strippers there (this was during the conversation this week so that is why strippers was brought back up).
Doesn't see it as disrespect that she won't agree not to do something because i have a problem, its my problem deal with it type attitude.
 
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