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***Sorry, this is long, but its the first time I am getting a chance to talk to some one other then family..I found out about the infidelity 3 months ago and we have seen a Councillor approx 6 times***

Hi, Im new to this site....well Im actually new to a few things
1) Newly married- 1.5 years
2) New mom of twins - 16 months
3) Newly Betrayed wife


When I became pregnant with twins- unexpectedly- we moved closer to family and old friends (we were living approx 6 hours away before). We moved when I was 6 months pregnant into my parents home for the extra support/help/hands for when the babies arrived and for financial reasons.

My new husband started a new job and started coming home between 3-6am (finished work at 10pm and we lived 10 min away),and coming home drunk.

At 28 weeks I was put on High risk for early pregnancy and my husband was never around. At exactly 7 months, my husband walked into the house at 4am and I questioned him (not the first time) and asked him if "I am going to do this on my own or WITH you? I would rather you leave before the babies arrive if you do not want to be apart of this." I remember the words so well as I was devastated by his lack of response, turning his back to me and falling asleep......

****side note, I looked after myself throughout my pregnancy. I NEVER asked anything of him except to attend a multiples birthing class. I bought all the baby stuff with my own money and never asked for 1 cent....nor did he EVER offer. I also let him do anything he wanted to as our lives were a bout to get really busy soon with our new babies. I never asked him to tell me what he did or where he went. I WAS THE EASIEST PREGNANT WOMAN EVER****

Back to the point... My husband fell asleep on me while I was trying to talk to him. At 440am that same morning, I went into labor, My twins were delivered via emergency c-section and were rushed into NICU. The first time I got to see my babies was 6 hours post birth.


Fast forward 1 year......
I found out my husband was cheating on me
(and my babies) in several ways

1) dating website - my sister found his profile while
browsing for people in the area for herself with a friend.
His profile title line stated "Your Future Mr. Right" and
was listed as single and actively looking.

2) ****** MADDISON affair site - I visually saw
him create and account, set his details on what he was
looking for and what he was into and I watched him
activate the account (after hearing the ad on the radio
and saying how it is stupid)* for those who dont know
what the site is, it is SOLELY dedicated to helping
married men/woman cheat with other married people

3) IN PERSON WORK AFFAIR - My ID**T husband
chooses the ONE person in the factory that has ties to
MY family. So I got the news he was cheating with her
through extended family members. HE has been with
this woman for almost our entire marriage!!


This is not the first time he has cheated (at least once while we dating and he dumped me via MSN), and he chooses woman who are 8-10 years older than myself who have children or are themselves married with children.

I am so lost!

My husband has been horrible to me and horrible to my children (i kicked him out of my parents for approx 2 months for being verbally abusive and starting the be physically abusive to my children. At that point, the cost of 1 month child support -$400- would have been almost 4 X more then he had put into the babies lives since birth!). Yet I still cannot pull away from him.

Part of me wants to leave, the other part of me see him trying a bit to fix things. We started marriage counseling but he will not talk outside the office....we also had to put the counseling on hold 6 weeks ago as I had to return to work after my Maternity leave. He has not listened or responded to my requests for us to talk and acts as if live just moves on.


If I leave now, My babies will not understand until later and will be used to things at that point. If I stay and he cheats again, my babies will be that much older and know who "daddy" is and be able to ask where he is. The latter to me is worse.

I know that If I walk away from the marriage, I will need to go back with my parents (my privacy and child routines will no longer be under my control), and honestly, as close as I am with them, I really do like having my children on MY routine and being able to do what I want when I want to.

I also know that I am SUPER shy and now SUPER self conscious because of my husbands actions. I worry a lot about being alone for an extremely long time or for the rest of my life. I am scared as hell


Any words of wisdom, suggestions to help me along a path to recovery or experiences would be greatly appreciated.
I am 26 years old, my husband is 24
 

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I seldom repond to threads because quite frankly, I do not feel qualified BUT in this case what you have described is a man without any sense of commitment to his wife and kids. Personally, I do not understand why you are contemplating working things out. You had a high risk pregnancy, while you were carrying his kids he was not available to you, and the cherry on top he was unfaithful ... Get a divorce, protect yourself and your children from a worthless example of a man.
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My husband has been horrible to me and horrible to my children (i kicked him out of my parents for approx 2 months for being verbally abusive and starting the be physically abusive to my children.
Truly, the fact that he has cheated on you is the LEAST of it. No matter how much you don't want to move back with your parents, I can't see how you can justify staying with him if he's physically abusive to your children.

What is there to "fix"? He shows zero motivation to change according to your own description. He has so many problems and issues it's breathtaking.

You are only 26 years old. Get out now and live a long and happy life.
 

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Wow, so young and so little time married, such gall. It seems as though a reconciliation is not possible. You need to move into the 180 now and if you've had relations with him after he has cheated maybe an std test. If he doesn't leave then you leave. Don't rug sweep this. Don't tolerate the mushroom treatment, he doesn't even tell you what he is doing when you ask and falls asleep? Seriously, if you decide to move on, please choose a more mature committed gentleman (older).
 

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Country Girl,

What marriage are you working on?

Your husband is a loser. You are not!

Have more respect for yourself. Go see an attorney and have him served. It will let him know you will no longer tolerate his behavior.

And please believe in yourself. You are a young working Mom who has her act together.

Go find a man who will be worthy of you and loves children.

You are married to a boy and what you need is a man in your and your childrens lives.

HM64
 

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I seldom repond to threads because quite frankly, I do not feel qualified BUT in this case what you have described is a man without any sense of commitment to his wife and kids. Personally, I do not understand why you are contemplating working things out. You had a high risk pregnancy, while you were carrying his kids he was not available to you, and the cherry on top he was unfaithful ... Get a divorce, protect yourself and your children from a worthless example of a man.
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:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Very SOUND advice.
This man has ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT for you. He cheated with someone connected to your family. He is a serial cheater and actively pursuing multiple encounters....
Even if you want him,
NO CHILD SHOULD HAVE SUCH MAN AS A FATHER.
They will be scarred for LIFE.
 

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You have gotten a lot of good advice here, I will simply add my 2 cents worth now..

I don't see much hope in saving this marriage, sorry. He's immature, non remorseful, has no respect for you, and I hate to say this but apparently isn't in love with you or the children. You hooked up with the wrong guy, mistake number one, don't make mistake number two and stay with this looser.

4 steps to your recovery:

1.) Get out now..he's a looser who cares nothing for you and the kids.

2.) Just bite the bullit and move in with your parents, it's only temporary.

3.) Higher an attorney and dump him ASAP.

4.) Find a man who really loves and adores you and your kids, he's out there just waiting for you :) you just have to take some really tough steps now to get him. Start taking those steps now. You deserve this and your children deserver a real father. IF you can't do it for yourself, then do this for your children.
 

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I concur with everything everyone else has said. There is nothing in this marriage for you. See a lawyer today and get the ball rolling. Don't waste another moment on this 'guy'.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Maybe you could give us some info on why you married this guy?
Why i married him? Right now it is hard to see the reasons.
We had fun together, enjoyed eachothers company and loved trying out new things together. We got along well because i could be his girl friend sometimes and other times just hang out like guys do ( im an electrician by trade so im always around guys).
I believe we were both in a time when we met that having eachother was the best thing to come along. We got (loosely as i thought it was too soon) engaged 6 months after meeting but didnt marry for another 4 years ( seperated at 1 year to the engagement date for a few months- i found out later he cheated on me at that point).
Our marriage was rushed when i found out i was pregnant because my husband said he didnt want the twins to be "bastards"- born out of wedlock. I agreed to an extent. We were married at 6 months pregnant. I do not have fond wedding memories - definitly not what i even remitly pictured and my husband ditched me the next day- before i even woke up- to go drinking and fishing with his dad and buddies leaving me sick as a dog with his step mom.

Soooo overall, since becoming pregnant we have had a bad run in our relationship. I do blame him as i am beyond supportive to his every need and try to give him whatever he nerds (even space to do his thing, no questions asked. Even not even asking for help with the twins and taking full responsability for then while he looks after #1- himeself).

Looking back i can think of reasons i loved him and wanted ti marry him, but once we found out we were pregnant it is hard to see any reasons i ever married him.
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Countrygirl I am so sorry you are here. You certainly came to a place where you will get great advice and people that really care. I am almost 3 weeks from finding out my husband was having an affair. My self esteem also took a big hit as well as my confidence. You sound like a very lovely person.
I have three kids and if anyone including their father remotely touched them, well it wouldnt be pretty.
I do know how hard all of this is, and being so indecisive sucks. Know you are not alone and you deserve sooooo much better!
 
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