I didn't mean my post to come across as criticism of you, but I can see how it would. You are right I have NO IDEA. The point I was trying to make is staying for the kids is not necessarily a good thing, and often not about the kids.
I'm sorry if my post caused you pain, seems like you had a bad enough deal.
Thank you, I appreciate your apology. I do agree that staying in a bad marriage for the kids is not a good thing. Over the past two years I have found myself slowly withdrawing from both my husband and the family. I haven't been the kind of mother I want to be because I've been hiding away in my bedroom every night. Granted, I have had some very serious, long term medical issues in that time so some of it was about that, but even when I got better, I stayed withdrawn.
Now, I'm in my own space and I'm spending quality time with my children again. I'm back to being me. Almost everyone I've seen in the past few weeks has remarked that "you seem so much happier and lighter, like a weight's been lifted after many years" and most of these people do not know yet that I have moved out. And as much as I don't think they like the idea of having divorced parents, I know my children are enjoying the fact that I'm no longer hiding. I know I'm enjoying it immensely.
I am living here for the kids, I am not staying married for the kids. I am trying to keep it as amicable as possible for their sake, but I will be proceeding with a divorce.