Not much! Work and kids activities are always there.
Self-esteem can very definitely still be an issue, even though she's showing you her body. You are safe, you are the father of her children. Does she wear a bikini at the beach? Does she work out, do yoga, anything? Doing more with her body will make her more aware of her body. It helps a great deal with a person's body image.She’s a bit more moody, I’m sure that comes with age / menopause. She had surgery last year to remove a cyst around her lady parts, but we were still probably around half a dozen times per year prior to that. She Doesn’t think she looks all that good anymore, but I don’t think she’s got self esteem issues, she will walk around in front of me in her underwear or even mostly naked and not bat an eyelid. It sucks, because I am still very much attracted to her, and she must think I’m kidding when I tell her she’s my dream girl.
Ok, so the two of you basically don't have a relationship except what it takes to run a household and raise kids. This kind of neglect of the relationship is typically what makes marriages fail. You are both responsible for the current state of your relationship. The good thing is that it can be fixed.Not much! Work and kids activities are always there.
We do try to go out, just us two, at least once a month. I’ve tried to increase that to once a week, even if it’s something simple like taking a walk or getting ice cream.
I think that you made the classic mistake that so many make, and that is assuming that your wife wants the gestures that you would like. So maybe your thought process went like this. I would love my wife to take some sexy pictures of herself to send me, and that she would do a striptease. So, I will do the same. It rarely works because men and women ate different in what they like and what turns them on. Hence why she loved the flowers but laughed at the rest.Hi All, I’m a 44 year old construction worker who has been pretty much happily married to my wife for 18 years, with 3 kids ranging in ages from mid teens to preteens. The only hangup I have in our relationship is a lack of intimacy. We may have sex 6 times a year. I would have it every night if I could, but she just isn’t often interested. She’s 44 as well. We never had sex every day during our marriage, but when we were young, it was multiple times per week. I have tried to be romantic, I have tried to be dominant, I have tried begging, I have tried different times of the day, but sex is reserved for only when she wants it, and she is always the instigator. If I want it there is always an excuse, the old headache excuse, the kids might still be awake, period, etc. What really frustrates me is that when she wants it, I give it, I can’t say no, and the sex is fantastic, I want it the next day, but it’s always back to normal, no time, kids, don’t feel good, etc. I also workout, run, lift free weights, eat healthy, so my libido is very high.
Well, the other day it was our anniversary. I had a plan on our anniversary night that would make me irresistible to her. I had been secretly taking some sexy selfies of myself that I would present to her on our anniversary night, and do a Striptease for her in my construction gear. On our anniversary, I got the kids out of the house for the night. We went to her favorite restaurant, walked around a bit in our favorite part of town, held hands, it was great. I flirted with her, she flirted back...it was working! Got home, snuck some yellow roses (her favorite) into the bedroom, put on the red light, had my selfies on the iPad next to the flowers, put my construction stuff on (hard hat, vest, jeans, tool belt) and called her upstairs. She was so happy to see the flowers, but saw the pictures and me and burst out laughing. That’s ok, I thought, don’t take me too serious! She swiped through a couple of pictures, I turned on some music and she turned beet red in the face. Couldn’t even make it past pic #3. And the pics weren’t lazy d—k pics, I tried to be artsy, even funny, just a few pics in my construction gear without a shirt on. She gave me a nice hug, thanked me for the flowers, she said she can’t do this and left the room. I was left humiliated, confused, embarrassed, devastated. I put some normal clothes on, went downstairs, and it was like nothing ever happened. She told me I might have to go pick up our oldest from a friend’s house at midnight and talked about the business of the following day. I didn't really say anything and went to bed. This was a couple of days ago, and I have tried to act normal and not brought it up, even though I am still very hurt by what happened.
So do I try to discuss this with her? She rolls her eyes and shuts down when I want to bring up the subjects of sex and intimacy, so I try not to. Did I go too far with the selfies and Striptease that I didn’t get a chance to perform? I want to tell her I’m sure there are plenty of wives in the world that would appreciate and enjoy the gesture, especially given the shape I’m in, but I’m not even sure that’s true. I’m just to the point where I’m ready to give up on having a “normal” sexual relationship with my wife, and I don’t like where that may lead...any husbands out there ever try selfies and Stripteases to spice things up, with or without success? Anything else I can try?
Until H made it about "his oversexed self" ?Loving that you put so much effort in
But if your wife does not have much libido, then a striptease and sexy pics would have been way too much for her. That's more for someone with a drive as high as yours.
When a person is not much into sex, moves like might even seem a bit repulsive and overtly sexual rather than romantic and loving.
Did she used to like more risque sex, and perhaps do striptease for you? Is that her style? Did she like you being dominant?
She was with you on the romantic side and possibly up to some sex until you made it about your over sexed self. Then it possibly became all too much for her.
Pffffttt!!If my husband would have done this after 18 years marriage I would have done the same as your wife quite honestly. The focus for men seems to be sex, we see and don't appreciate it as there is alot more to us and life as a married couple. I am assuming your wife was turned off because there is not enough out of the bedroom connection, whether that is emotional support or just the occasional hug and kiss that does not lead to anything else. We need to know that we are appreciated and wanted for more than sex.
How in the world is it being implied it's the H fault for an unsuccessful evening?
To throw a bit of cold water on suzannah/ pollyanna, This only works when the couple is willing. It never works when one member despises the other. It is a rare gift you have been given, More often disgruntled wives hide their feelings and leave you hoop jumping for scraps of affection. In your unique situation these books would be as likely to help you as Ele's recommendations. Bushcraft 101 or Tactical fly fishing If you want to take up reading, My very serious suggestion is you choose something you enjoy for a change.Ok, so the two of you basically don't have a relationship except what it takes to run a household and raise kids. This kind of neglect of the relationship is typically what makes marriages fail. You are both responsible for the current state of your relationship. The good thing is that it can be fixed.
Get the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". Read them in that order and do the work that they suggest. Then once you have learned what needs to be done, ask her to read the books with you and the two of you do the work together.
The love and passion can be rebuilt in a marriage if the couple is willing to do the work. It often takes one of them to take the lead.
Ok partner. No one can tell exactly what her problem is, and she does have a problem, but what is clear is that she has zero respect for you as a man. She doesn't even consider you a man.She’s a bit more moody, I’m sure that comes with age / menopause. She had surgery last year to remove a cyst around her lady parts, but we were still probably around half a dozen times per year prior to that. She Doesn’t think she looks all that good anymore, but I don’t think she’s got self esteem issues, she will walk around in front of me in her underwear or even mostly naked and not bat an eyelid. It sucks, because I am still very much attracted to her, and she must think I’m kidding when I tell her she’s my dream girl.
If I beg in bed, I try to keep it light, simple, joking around. Maybe she doesn’t think I’m serious. When I say dominance, I just move in on her aggressively but she just pushes me away and kind of laughs and says not tonight...
Well look at you IA giving advice like a pro...yes, exactly... she's checked out... 6 times in a year? It tells you everything there is to know. I was upset with 24...