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My Husband and I have been married for almost a year. We've been together for 6 years and living together for 2. It feels like no matter what we fight about it comes back to this idea of balance. That one spouse isn't doing enough or feels like they are doing to much of the work. Last night we even had a fight about taking up too much of the bed. Neither of us like to be touched when we're sleeping so sharing the same bed can be difficult. Last night I was very tired and my husband woke me up by putting his arm on top of mine. We started fighting because I thought he was taking up too much of the bed. I was so frustrated and tired that I just screamed. He got mad at me then for taking my anger out on him I tried to apologize but we both went to sleep angry. I have manic-depression and have been off my meds for a while due to insurance stuff. He is very supportive, but every time I get upset he blames it on the lack of meds. I don't want to take my anger out on him, I know its wrong, but every time he does that I can't help but feel like he's dismissing how I actually feel about the situation. Like the only reason I'm upset is because I'm off my meds. I also feel like every argument we have turns into him lecturing me about what I've done wrong and how I need to change. Even if it started with me being upset about something he did. Maybe this is just because of my defensive nature, but he is so smart and good at arguing effectively that every argument just ends with me agreeing with him and promising to change. I would like him to be more romantic, help around the house more and to take care of his hygiene more on a regular basis. But I don't even know how to breach the subject because every time I've tried it gets turned around on me or he makes me feel bad for expecting too much from him. (This is mostly when we talk about romance.) I don't have anyone to talk to besides him I just don't know what to do. Any advice would help.
 

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My first thought is to have both of you read "The 5 Love Languages". Both of you take the quiz and discuss what order your needs are in.

Otherwise, tell your SO to come here. No person is perfect in marriage, both of you need to be aware of each others likes and dislikes. Otherwise the resentment builds until one of you blows and walks away.

He does need to bathe! Who wants to be around their SO if they stink!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 · (Edited)
My first thought is to have both of you read "The 5 Love Languages". Both of you take the quiz and discuss what order your needs are in.

Otherwise, tell your SO to come here. No person is perfect in marriage, both of you need to be aware of each others likes and dislikes. Otherwise the resentment builds until one of you blows and walks away.

He does need to bathe! Who wants to be around their SO if they stink!
We have both read the five love languages and know which of them we each react to well. I try to cater to his: quality time, and touch. But other than doing the dishes once in awhile cuz he knows I hate it, I don't feel like he reacts to mine well. Which are acts of service and gift giving. He actually introduced me to this and every time I bring it up he just says something like that's not how he's wired or how he was raised. but though he promises to work on it I don't feel like much has changed.
 

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We have both read the five love languages and know which of them we each react to well. I try to cater to his: quality time, and touch. But other than doing the dishes once in awhile cuz he knows I hate it, I don't feel like he reacts to mine well. Which are acts of service and gift giving. He actually introduced me to this and every time he brings it up he just says something like that's not how he's wired or how he was raised. but though he promises to work on it I don't feel like much has changed.
Then he needs to come here, or have a man he respects verbally kick his azz! Marriage is not always fun, it involves give & take from both parties. Any chance of getting a king size bed? Maybe a scoreboard of what each of you has done for the other on a weekly basis? Not a great idea, I know, hard to get someone see that they are shooting their marriage in the foot with their actions. Maybe a counselor would help both of you be heard??
 

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Make a list of chores, including inside and outside, divide some of them as his, some as yours, and some as alternating. Do you own a house? Does he cut grass, change the oil in the cars, etc.? My wife sometimes gets touchy about some chores. I bring her the key to the lawn mower and let her know the grass will need cutting this weekend. That usually brings her back to reality. I cook and I clean, but ALL yard work is mine to do since temps here in Texas are often near 100. So, she gets a little more house work.

As for the bed thing. If you are both that picky, you need separate beds. There's no shame to that.

Take your meds. You say that you don't think he should mention the meds and should acknowledge how you feel. Have you considered that the meds influence how you feel? The things that irritate you now may not irritate you when taking your meds.
 
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