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Hello,

I'm new to this whole internet community - and not the best at talking about things... So, sorry if this doesn't make sense or if I'm posting in the wrong forum.

My wife and I have been married for 1 1/2 years - and together for almost 3. We started in a long distance relationship for the first 6 months, then my wife moved in with me.

During the time we were dating long distance I made some comments to an ex girlfriend that were suggestive and overly flirtatious through Facebook. NOTHING was acted upon, I suppose I was flirting as my gf was living across the country and is extremely attractive and was constantly hit on while out with friends.

9 months after this conversation took place my gf is now my wife and living with me. I still do not know why she did this - but she logged into my facebook account and started to look through all of my old messages. Needless to say, she came across the messages between myself and my ex. It has been 12 months since she read everything.

Upon reading the messages my wife kicked me out and demanded a divorce. After a few days of cool down we talked and worked things out - or so I thought. For the last year my wife has been harbouring resentment towards me and has now said that she can not trust me and "knows" that I cheated on her with this other woman.

I have - and always will be - 100% faithful to my wife. This issue doesn't seem to be going away and I really do not know what to do. It's always hard to understand the sincerity behind someone's comments online - but by all accounts I am a genuinely loving and caring husband. I listen, treat my wife to the things she likes, build my schedule around her, offer my shoulder whenever she needs it, cook, clean - if you were to look for an article on what to do in marriage it could honestly be a picture of me. Except for my stupid messages to an ex girlfriend years ago.

I don't know how to get past this. I've suggested we see a therapist, my wife will not go. I've offered to give her space, that makes it worse as she assumes I'm going to cheat on her. She doesn't get angry about this every day, it's every 2 - 3 months when something on TV or a conversation makes her think about what happened.

I can only guess that my post is somewhat of a ramble as it's 2:30 in the morning and I'm writing this under frustration and sadness - but please any advice would be great.

From the moment my wife noticed these emails I have apologized, agreed it was a horrible thing to do, and put up 0 fight regarding my actions. I do however fight for us, she is the woman I love, and my true soul mate.

Sad and Frustrated :(
 

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You need to reassure her. My husband has to reassure me constantly or I have crazy stalker , jealous tendencies. Not every woman is like this but many are. I'm sure ya'll can work through it if this is the only problem. If she ends up starting serious fights for no reason or acts irrationally pushing you to get upset or break down then I think she wants someone else.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Wanting someone else isn't much of a problem for us. We recently moved across the country... My family on one side, hers in another country, she does school via correspondence and I run a business from home. She doesn't speak to many ppl outside of myself and a few select friends - I'm 100% confident that there isn't anyone else in the picture.

To build on that - my wife has had some serious issues with men in her past, abuse, lies, etc. I feel like she has labeled me a liar and a filthy "man" because of the comments, I've only substantiated the concerns she has regarding men in general. I'm just the norm, not the extraordinary I try to be for her.
 

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Oh yes her having a past and treating you like this is normal. It can be fixed but certainly not overnight. Like I said she has to be reassured over and over and sit down and fully communicate whenever she is feeling insecure or needs comfort. Make sure to ask her what you can do to help her feelings.
 

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Ns,
Tell her your deepest regret is giving her any reason to doubt you faithfulness to her.

Tell her you would like to take a polygraph to help reassure her that you did not cheat, and you want her to have peace about it.

Say"I cant live with myself knowing that I have caused you this doubt"

I cant tell you how many affairs we see here because a spouse thinks some cheating took place that never did.

Here in the states a poly costs about $500


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