Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,707 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
New Relationship Thesis

When you are looking for a relationship you should really look at your partner eg, your date. You need to be realistic to what you what and what they will offer. You have to ask yourself if they are like this forever is that okay.

Beliefs about relationships ~ How do they feel about cheating? Have they ever done this? Have you? What do you consider cheating, porn, phone sex, flirting, hugging, kissing just intercourse, cyber sex, erotica, talking with a single person of the opposite sex outside of work? What do they consider cheating?

What is the most important priority in your relationship? Communication, trust, faithfulness, religion, compatibility, maturity, financial stability, have fun together are all things to consider. What are their priorities and how evenly do they match up?

Sexual Compatibility ~ How important is sex really to you? Are you comfortable with 3-4 times a week do they want it much more or much less then you. Sex can bring intimacy to a relationship be sex in itself is not love. How do they view sex? How do you? Are they more sexually outgoing then you or less? Is it a big gap?

What Do you need out of a relationship? Can the person you are dating provide that to you? Do you need stability in your life? Do you need to be attracted to your partner? Do you want someone that can challenge you on an intellectual level? DO you need someone you can lean on or are you very independent? Do you want someone generous (spirit or gifts)? Can you live a life of poverty but filled with love and be happy?

Team work! All relationships are indeed a partnership. What are you willing to put into it and what do you expect them too. Personally I have always been the domestic type (strange to hear a guy does 95% of the cooking, cleaning etc and 75% of taking care of the kids) but the wife is a hard working women. I let her know when I need help and she is always willing to do that extra bit. We discuss everything and decide together what is best for us. Can you do that with you partner.

Look at your house. Are you a neat freak? Are they a slob? Are you willing to be their maid forever?

How much empathy do they give you? How well do they react to others? If you are at a restaurant how do they treat the staff?

So many questions to ask when you are getting in a relationship. With me either my relationships were really long or really short because I knew what I wanted and expected. The few times I thought I could settle I realized I was only hurting myself.

draconis
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
So many questions, so few answers - at least to start out with. Draconis, I had been visiting this forum for quite a while as a guest before joining, trying to learn more about relationships, etc. and your insights and attitudes are commendable. I really admire that you don't necessarily jump to conclusions - you seem to be able to look at situations from every point of view and yet you remain mostly positive in your responses. I am learning a great deal, not only from yourself, but from the others who kindly offer up their advice and wisdom.

If only life were so simple and people so easy to understand! Dating can be one of the most intimidating experiences that someone, such as myself, will ever have to face. I had been separated for about a year when I started dating (about 8 months ago). I had a difficult enough time just summoning up the courage to go out on that first date, never mind thinking about asking my date what his religious beliefs, sexual preferences, etc. were!

Does one really get to know their partner when they are dating? I really don't think so, except perhaps in very rare cases. I honestly think that we get to see only a glimmer of the real person during this time. If however, the relationship continues to develop over an extended period of time, it is then that I think we start to see who this person really is, start to understand their core values, beliefs, morals, etc. It has been my experience (through my own relationships, through my work) that it is too easy for a lot of people to "fake" who they truly are in order to get what they want. When their ultimate goal is reached, whether it be sex, money, prestige, etc., their true self finally emerges. Does this sound too jaded? I'm not trying to imply that the world is full of phonies and that no one should be trusted. I am just saying that sometimes one needs to be in a long-term relationship in order to really get to know a person's true self, whether it be good or bad.

Just my 2 cents......
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,707 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
While you have a point that the longer you are with someone the more you will learn is true, the key to learning and understanding people lies in communications with the person.

When I was first with my wife I asked things of her on a regular basis. Sunday comes around ask about what church they go to. What a movie that that talks about sex ask about how they feel about it.

Check out where they live too, see how clean they are. Offer to cook them a meal at your house them ask them to do the same for you.

Offer to do laundry with them and see how much they really know.

Another thing about sex is how you communicate it. When I was first sexual with my wife I asked her to take my hand and show me where and how she liked it. Thank God for that too, because I would have messed up so much bumbling on my own thinking I knew everything.

Talk about where your priorities are and ask them too.

Watch to see how they treat others like a clerk or waitress. If they have a short temper it comes out directed away from you at first but you know one day it might be directed towards you.

Hope this helps some.

draconis
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
I agree that it is in both parties' interest to ask questions and learn more about each other early on in a relationship. I guess that time will tell just how honest a person is, based on their actions in the latter part of the relationship vs what they espoused earlier. Perhaps I'm just too cynical for my own good! :rolleyes:
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top