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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I saw an old thread about online dating and it was LONG!!

So, I thought I'd start a new thread.

I wanted to start off with the fact that I've had some positive experiences on match. I live in a VERY rural area and it is difficult to find places to meet men. I've met some great guys online. Some weirdos as well. I have had some good relationships, but unfortunately none of them lasted forever.

I've found in my rural area that there are quite a few men that resort to online dating. People who live on farms and don't have a city close by.

Any other good experiences? Any tips?
 

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:rolleyes:Well, I'm sitting here drinking wine and chillin' out on a cold night so what the heck?

I won't do the online dating thing. But I live in a metropolitan area and have a lot of options. To me, online dating is just too much work and too much like shopping for a new car or something. I'll bet soon Amazon will have an online dating site. Suprised they don't already! :D

What I've done is get involved in Meetup.com but not specifically to meet someone..just to go out and have a good time. I figured that if happened to meet someone nice to go out and have a good time with then it would be icing on the cake but my primary objective it just to get out and socialize. I really enjoy the whole getting dressed up and going out scene.

But I DID meet someone with some interesting results and posted a bit about it on the other thread..so here's the conclusion:

But I think it's an example of what NOT to do if you have expressed interest in someone else:

I met this guy right after Christmas at a Meetup.com event. We hit it off quite well and talked until everyone else left. The next night we went to another event at a bar and danced and afterwards he walked me to my car and asked if he could date me. He seemed eager to see me and even asked about the next day.

I said I'd like to date him but had plans the next day but we'd see each other a few days later at New Years and was looking forward to it. I definitely gave him the impression that I was interested. I said "Sure" and we kissed each other goodnight. First time I'd kissed another man or expressed interest in one in 25 years!

A few days later we saw each other at a New Years Party. Had a good time, danced, kissed each other when the ball dropped. He told me he wasn't sure about his schedule with his kids (he has two kids ages, 10 and 12) but would be in touch about us getting together. I said "No problem, you let me know."

Week later I texted him to say "hi". We chatted a bit and he said he wanted to see me. I replied the same thing to him. He told me he'd let me know what his schedule was after he talked to his ex.

A few days later he emails me not to ask me out but to inform me that he will be at the same Meetup event that I signed up for that coming Saturday. :wtf: I said "Ok, see you there" but am wondering about us actually going out.

The night of this event I get a text from him saying he's sick. I don't answer. It's not like we had an actual date or anything and sometimes the best reaction is no reaction. Ball is in his court now as far as I'm concerned.

Almost 10 days later, on Martin Luther King Day, I got an email from him that morning asking if I want to go to a movie. I was at work and didn't read it until that evening. I replied to his email. He then says he never saw the movie and would I like to go see it this coming Saturday? He said he'd get back to me "By the end of the week about what time".

I said "Sure"..and said that I was looking forward to it. I mentioned that I'd be away all day Friday and he should text or call if he needed an answer right away. No reply from him at all that week.

I came home last night (Friday) at 9:30pm. No email, text or call from him at all. Checked my email this morning at 10 am and nothing from him at all.

Then, TODAY at 11:30 am I get a text from him asking:

"How is your day looking?".

That's it. This is on the DAY of our supposed date, almost at noon.

My reply was:

"Well, originally I thought I had a date with this guy but I never heard from him so I made other plans"

His reply: "Sorry I meant to get to you yesterday"

My reply: "Oh well. BYE"

What a :loser: :tool:

What's ironic is that I don't much care about dating or meeting someone so I doubt he's going to get someone more laid back than me. Good luck to him out in the dating world cuz he's gonna need it. :rofl:
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Lol! What a jerk! Definitely doesn't get it, does he?

Well I've had some decent relationships in the past from match. But, they've ended up just like relationships when I've met men in other settings. Match has just given me a way to meet people in my rural area where there aren't places to meet up. If I lived in a city where I could go out to public places and meet people then I would probably never sign up for online dating.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
How does meetup work and has anyone else had experience with it?
 

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Lol! What a jerk! Definitely doesn't get it, does he?

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Nope. I don't deal with people like that in general. I have a friend like that. I enjoy her company but making plans with her is dicey because getting her to commit to anything is a real problem. If you do something with her it's almost always spur of the moment. If you do make plans, she almost always cancels so I don't see her or talk to her much.

Definitely don't want to date that kind of guy. I'm not a "last minute" type of person. I either make plans to do something or if I decide I want to chill out and do nothing then that' what I'm into. I like to at least plan on doing something at some point. I don't want a clingey type person but this guy was waaay too "hands off", even for me. I gave him a few chances and it didn't work out so no big deal. Time to move on.

I'll probably see him at an event again so it should be interesting. :D

Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup is a website that basically lists a bunch of clubs, ranging from anything to everything in a certain geographical area. There are Meetup groups that deal with everything, from basket weaving, to kayaking to dating and socializing. You name it, it's on Meetup. It's a great way to get out and do stuff you like with people who like doing the same stuff. It's a good way to "meet up" with people too but it's not a "dating" site, per sec. To me, that's a positive aspect about it.

Some groups are singles groups that are oriented toward dating, others are more "hobby oriented" and focus on doing something together. Depends on what you want.

What I don't like about online dating is that it's JUST about meeting someone else. I've never been into social networking (don't even have a Facebook account) so that whole scene of posting your pics and specs and going back and forth just isn't my scene.

I'm more into doing stuff with people and if I meet someone who I hit if off with in that context then we can take it to the next level. If not, then at least I'm out and about and having a good time.

I def don't want to get obsessed with finding someone. Takes away from the business of going out and about and having a good time.. ;)
 
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The nice thing about Meetup too is that it's "safe". Better than going out alone and hanging out. The gatherings are all organized and posted and you can sign up or cancel whenever you want. It's free too. Plus you are usually there with other people and it's a great way to meet people in general.

You can meet jerks too, like that one guy who wanted to "date" me but hey, that's life. ;)
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I would like to use something like meetup. Unfortunately, there are no events where I am. Stupid, rural area!

If I do accept a date with a guy off of match, I meet at a local bar or restaurant. I haven't had too much of a problem meeting jerks because I try to do my research before hand and email and talk before I ever agree to meet.

Hopefully within the next year I will move in with my brother. He lives in a more populated area. Maybe I"ll try meetup?

Thanks for the info.
 

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How does meetup work and has anyone else had experience with it?
Meetup is the cat's pajamas for the newly divorced. Gave me something to do every night as I was transitioning to new activities / friends. I met some great people of both sex.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Meetup is the cat's pajamas for the newly divorced. Gave me something to do every night as I was transitioning to new activities / friends. I met some great people of both sex.
Well, I did check it out. Unfortunately there's nothing within 2 hours of me! :( But that's part of living in a rural community.

Maybe if/when I move to live with my brother I'll check it out. I like the idea of a single's meetup.
 

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I would like to use something like meetup. Unfortunately, there are no events where I am. Stupid, rural area!
Yes, that's downside of Meetup..it needs people to run it and attend so it tends to be better in populated areas.

I'd KILL to live in a beautiful, unpopulated rural area. To be able to step outside my door and live in a place that's beautiful is one of the dreams I plan to pursue. I love the outdoors and often have to travel 2+ hours to go on a decent hike in nice scenery. I've often had to drive a lot further to really get where I want to be.

I take off during the week so I can go places that aren't crawling with people to camp out, hike, ski, etc. I hate living in this part of the country. :(

That said, I live in one of the hottest, trendiest towns in my area, lots of restaurants, nightlife, bars (even after the stupid storm this year) so here's an idea:

We'll trade places and you can live here in my apartment but you will have to take my son. He's 15, give him his computer games and a refrigerator full of food and you'll never know he's here.

Plus this way you'll REALLY know if you want kids because he's what babies grow into. :D
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Ok. Let's trade places.

But, you have to live in my parent's basement.:smthumbup:
 

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I like the idea of a single's meetup.
Keep in mind you can still get the same problems and situations that you do with online dating. My example above is proof of that. It does help to be able to "meet up" face to face before actually going on a date but there aren't any guarantees. I though this one guy was a pretty cool dude and turned out he was a rude dude. :D But that's life in general.

PLUS if you have a problem with someone there is a very good chance you'll see them again at another event or another Meetup group. There's a LOT of cross pollination among these groups. You'll see the same faces over and over among the various groups.

But unlike the online situation it has a tendency to keep people civil. I love the internet but I have to admit the bad side is that it often brings out the worst in people because of it's anonymous nature. When you actually have to SEE and TALK with people and know you will see them again, most tend to watch themselves more. ;)

I go to these Meetup events not with the goal of finding someone to date but just to get out and meet people and have fun. That's why I like it. I've met some great people, have had a lot of fun and really enjoy myself at these events. I would say 90% of my social calendar is because of Meetup.

But then again, I've always been a hobby/club oriented person long before I was separated from my H so I was in Meetup years ago. It seemed natural just branch out a bit as a result of being single. :)
 

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Ok. Let's trade places.

But, you have to live in my parent's basement.:smthumbup:
Rent free? You got it! I'd save LOTS of money then! :smthumbup:

Now I'm curious. In what area of the country do you live?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Rent free? You got it! I'd save LOTS of money then! :smthumbup:

Now I'm curious. In what area of the country do you live?
Yep, rent free. But, it comes with the price of having your parents around all the time!

No, it's not too bad. It's really helping me get my life back on track.

I live in the Midwest.
 

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After I broke up with my fiancee years ago I lived with my parents for a short time. It drove me nuts. I got a long well enough with my father but my mother drove me batty. It's good for saving your money. Save as much as you can!

I could easily live with my daughter. She and I get along extremely well but I tend to treat her more like an independent adult. The problem with parents is that many forget that their adult children are indeed "adults". My daughter is very mature in many ways and I guess I'm immature so we kinda meet in the middle. :D

Midwest..Where it's flat? No mountains? I couldn't live there. Sorry. In this country I'm looking at northern New England or out west/northwest. Or maybe even out of the country. Sky's the limit.

Be careful of moving to a populated area, they tend to be expensive! Double edged sword!
 

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:rolleyes:Well, I'm sitting here drinking wine and chillin' out on a cold night so what the heck?

I won't do the online dating thing. But I live in a metropolitan area and have a lot of options. To me, online dating is just too much work and too much like shopping for a new car or something. I'll bet soon Amazon will have an online dating site. Suprised they don't already! :D

What I've done is get involved in Meetup.com but not specifically to meet someone..just to go out and have a good time. I figured that if happened to meet someone nice to go out and have a good time with then it would be icing on the cake but my primary objective it just to get out and socialize. I really enjoy the whole getting dressed up and going out scene.

But I DID meet someone with some interesting results and posted a bit about it on the other thread..so here's the conclusion:

But I think it's an example of what NOT to do if you have expressed interest in someone else:

I met this guy right after Christmas at a Meetup.com event. We hit it off quite well and talked until everyone else left. The next night we went to another event at a bar and danced and afterwards he walked me to my car and asked if he could date me. He seemed eager to see me and even asked about the next day.

I said I'd like to date him but had plans the next day but we'd see each other a few days later at New Years and was looking forward to it. I definitely gave him the impression that I was interested. I said "Sure" and we kissed each other goodnight. First time I'd kissed another man or expressed interest in one in 25 years!

A few days later we saw each other at a New Years Party. Had a good time, danced, kissed each other when the ball dropped. He told me he wasn't sure about his schedule with his kids (he has two kids ages, 10 and 12) but would be in touch about us getting together. I said "No problem, you let me know."

Week later I texted him to say "hi". We chatted a bit and he said he wanted to see me. I replied the same thing to him. He told me he'd let me know what his schedule was after he talked to his ex.

A few days later he emails me not to ask me out but to inform me that he will be at the same Meetup event that I signed up for that coming Saturday. :wtf: I said "Ok, see you there" but am wondering about us actually going out.

The night of this event I get a text from him saying he's sick. I don't answer. It's not like we had an actual date or anything and sometimes the best reaction is no reaction. Ball is in his court now as far as I'm concerned.

Almost 10 days later, on Martin Luther King Day, I got an email from him that morning asking if I want to go to a movie. I was at work and didn't read it until that evening. I replied to his email. He then says he never saw the movie and would I like to go see it this coming Saturday? He said he'd get back to me "By the end of the week about what time".

I said "Sure"..and said that I was looking forward to it. I mentioned that I'd be away all day Friday and he should text or call if he needed an answer right away. No reply from him at all that week.

I came home last night (Friday) at 9:30pm. No email, text or call from him at all. Checked my email this morning at 10 am and nothing from him at all.

Then, TODAY at 11:30 am I get a text from him asking:

"How is your day looking?".

That's it. This is on the DAY of our supposed date, almost at noon.

My reply was:

"Well, originally I thought I had a date with this guy but I never heard from him so I made other plans"

His reply: "Sorry I meant to get to you yesterday"

My reply: "Oh well. BYE"

What a :loser: :tool:

What's ironic is that I don't much care about dating or meeting someone so I doubt he's going to get someone more laid back than me. Good luck to him out in the dating world cuz he's gonna need it. :rofl:
I posted on the other thread about online dating, and mentioned that after my 24 year marriage ended, I signed up on a dating site. I met someone who was somewhat like what you describe. You know someone wants casual when it's last minute (they're horny or bored), they text or email, what the heck is wrong with phoning someone??. The guy I saw for several months would text me the night he'd want to see me and say "have you eaten yet, any dinner plans?". He had some great qualities, and I was very laid back about the whole thing like you are, but it still stung at times that it wasn't defined as a relationship, maybe I wasn't ready. I thought the same thing when I finally ended it, he's never going to find another woman who never questions the "friendship", and put up with that type of arrangement after 7 months. Ironically, he wanted to remain friends, but he's never asked me to go for coffee....lol

That guys sounds like a complete jerk. I hope you don't end up seeing him if he asks you out again. If he wants to see you, he'll ask you to go out, and keep the date, unless he's deathly sick. The guy I'm seeing travels an hour to see me, and has to pay a babysitter 10.00/hr so he doesn't have to wait two weeks to see me since he has shared custody and has his kids two weekends a month.

I think you mentioned that you were ok with having a casual relationship, but I've met a few men who just want casual relationships, and they aren't nice guys who treat women well, and most of them are effed up or emotionally unavailable.
 

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Lol! What a jerk! Definitely doesn't get it, does he?
Just out of curiousity, Freak, what exactly did he do that was wrong? I read the post and I can't see the error of his ways - seems like you both had confirmed the date for Saturday night (just hadn't picked the exact time or show) he didn't message you Friday because he knew you were unavailable... but in my experience dating (or having dates fall through actually) Thursday would have been too soon and he would likely have come across too clingy and said something to lose you... so should it have been a couple hours earlier then?

I'm asking because I have a movie date next week (just friendly for now but I suspect there will be testing of interest) and I almost screwed it up but by communicating too soon, but thankfully she was cool, and we ended up firming up some details and she said to text Monday to decide which show (thank you lady for actually communicating!)
 

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Lon, he was playing her, not giving her times or dates that were specific, who the hell has a date and says "let's meet at the meet up". I can understand the first date you meet somewhere, but she's seen the guy a couple of times at meetups or whatever, and he STILL can't make a decision, and then says he needs to speak to his ex for arrangements for his kids. Get a babysitter dude.

Women want to know the person is interested, and there's a huge difference between clingy and interested. Messaging a week before hand for a date is fine, and then a couple of days before asking if it's still on is fine. Messaging the person every day for hours, that's clingy. And emailing, a big no no in my book, I email my work people, not friends or potential dates.
 

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I guess I can see why it may be frustrating that he is too preoccupied to be able to know everything to do, but for me it seems that this way of thinking makes it very difficult for the guy to ride the fine line between being interested and playing games. I'm atleast smart enough to know that emails are taboo, but then why do so many women actually prefer texting? A couple times I've called and gotten annoyed sounding response, seems so much easier to communicate via SMS (but to me SMS and email are basically the exact same frickin thing especially since everyone seems to carry smartphones nowadays). And I certainly have no clue why any of that should brand him as a jerk, maybe he just hasn't dated the 500+ other girls enough to understand how its supposed to go.
 

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That guys sounds like a complete jerk. I hope you don't end up seeing him if he asks you out again. If he wants to see you, he'll ask you to go out, and keep the date, unless he's deathly sick. The guy I'm seeing travels an hour to see me, and has to pay a babysitter 10.00/hr so he doesn't have to wait two weeks to see me since he has shared custody and has his kids two weekends a month.

I think you mentioned that you were ok with having a casual relationship, but I've met a few men who just want casual relationships, and they aren't nice guys who treat women well, and most of them are effed up or emotionally unavailable.
When I say "casual" I mean that I'm not looking to get married or live with anyone again. I want to go out and have fun but I'd at least like to be taken seriously!

When someone says they want to "date" me I assume that there will be SOME effort put in. That means setting a definite day/time at least a day or two in advance. I don't even want a phone call. I HATE talking on the phone and actually told him that texting/emailing was just fine. That wasn't a problem at all. I don't want someone calling me all the time in any case. Most times I don't even answer my phone.

That said, this bit about emailing/texting me an hour beforehand definitely is NOT for me. I like to get SOME notice and plan for it. I don't mind spontaneity once in awhile but I'm really not a "last minute" type of person when it comes to doing things, especially when I want to go out and look nice.

While I understand things come up and things might have to be changed or canceled, at least make an attempt to act interested in the interim!

This guy has his kids every other weekend/2 days per week and that was fine and very workable for me. I don't want to see someone all the time, every weekend. That won't fly for me because I need room to breathe myself.

In fact, when his first reaction to my saying "sure" when he asked to date me was "How about tomorrow?" I was taken aback because I thought he was coming on a bit too strong. We'd just seen each other the past two nights and were seeing each other few days later on New Years Eve at a party so I thought we were good at that point. I did have other plans so I was happy to put things off for a while, but a month? And then have it go off like this? No thanks.

I don't know what his game is. He told me he's lonely and bored being single (neither of which applies to me) and wants to date someone seriously. Under his "interests" on the Meetup site he's listed "dating and relationships". LOL! :rofl: He has a strange way of showing it! My interests are "outdoors" and "socializing." If I find someone I want to date then it's just icing on the cake.

He seemed to be a together type of guy who would be fun to hang with. I wasn't even THINKING about getting physical anytime soon. The fact that I even kissed him tells me more about myself and where I stand then about him. I considered it a good thing for myself because I wouldn't have even done that not long ago.

Usualy I am good judge of of character. I get the impression that he's just starting to get into the game and hasn't got a clue on how to go about it. Or maybe he is a noncommital type who hasn't a clue on how to treat a woman right, which gives me an idea of why his ex might've stepped out on him. Now SHE is someone I'd like to talk to! :rofl: Just goes to show that there's 3 sides to every story. ;)

Just out of curiousity, I'd actually like to ask him what was in his head. I'll probably see him at an event and chances are he'll start in about being "sorry" and I might very well engage him in conversation...depends on how much I've had to drink. ;) I'm not going to rip into him or anything but I wouldn't mind knowing if it was just me or is he like that in general?

In any case, I'm not big on repeating my mistake and I can assure you that I'll never go out with him. He's utter fail in my book and history. His loss because as far as I'm concerned, I'm a real catch. :D
 
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