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Wow, two weeks a year in the Caribbean without the kids and the marriage still fails. Kind of reinforces the idea that marriage just sucks and men and women aren’t meant to be together in LTR.
 

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Thanks Taxman,

I've got a few ideas on how to improve things. I going to run them past TAM first and see if they have other ideas or ways to improve my plans.

Im not sure about kids free vacations, but maybe we could have a weekend away on our own.
When we went away for just ourselves, it was to destinations that the children would never appreciate, or it is in an environment where the kids are entertained separately. We took a week in Paris. Stayed in the Montmartre section, the gay village actually. We walked through Paris, ate at the most incredible Bistros, went to the Louvre, and the Rodin galleries, went to the Follies, walked and walked and walked. It was the most romantic week ever. Our eldest has gotten the travel bug, in Med school she found a way for super inexpensive. She would work in the hospitals for part of the day, in return for airfare and lodging. Her and the new hubby just returned from their honeymoon, did something I have been itching to do, two weeks in the far east, Singapore and Thailand.

My wife and I did do a ton of what I called "Dirty weekends". We live in Canada, but the US border is an hour and a half away. So we book into NY, Niagara Falls or Buffalo, I know of a few hotels with jacuzzis in the room, and Mom and Dad would return from the weekend with a gigantic smile on their face.
 

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I do take onboard peoples advice about making time for ourselves. There are a few people on here making that suggestion. I think we could sort out a weekend away together.
It doesn't have to be a weekend or any kind of big production. For example, my husband and I, when the kids were young, would set them up in the living room and take over the basement for ourselves. The kids could make sofa forts, eat pizza, drink soda, watch whatever kid show or movie was in, and just do kid things. We'd sit in the basement family room, eat our own pizza, watch a movie, and spend time together. Sometimes we'd turn off the lights, light candles, and just talk until the wee hours.

When the kids were old enough to be left at home for short periods of time we'd go to the gym together nightly. 30 minutes or so talking alone in the car followed by 30 minutes on cardio.

I have friends that leave their kids playing video games in the house while they go sit by a fire in the yard.

Get creative and make sure you're spending at least 15 hrs a week together as a couple.
 

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Discussion Starter #24
Forgetting we were people first and not parents almost killed it for us.

The point remains the same. Able or not, time is something that should not cost anything.

What about holing up in your bedroom for a couple of hours. It may take a while before intimacy/romance returns. Just be together. Can a sitter (young neighbour) come over for a couple of hours and take them to the park or play with them away from you? Can you house swap with a friend for a few hours?

The thing I hear at TAM time and time again is that men want ROMANCE, which to them is connection and closeness with their partner. Often we women hear "sex" and "just one more thing we have to do" after being tired and taxed out all day.

Some of it is about changing the way of looking at it, both of you. Her understanding how you view this and your understanding about what works and what doesn't.
Thank you Aquarius1

This has giving me a few ideas about creating some opportunities.
 

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Discussion Starter #25
It doesn't have to be a weekend or any kind of big production. For example, my husband and I, when the kids were young, would set them up in the living room and take over the basement for ourselves. The kids could make sofa forts, eat pizza, drink soda, watch whatever kid show or movie was in, and just do kid things. We'd sit in the basement family room, eat our own pizza, watch a movie, and spend time together. Sometimes we'd turn off the lights, light candles, and just talk until the wee hours.

When the kids were old enough to be left at home for short periods of time we'd go to the gym together nightly. 30 minutes or so talking alone in the car followed by 30 minutes on cardio.

I have friends that leave their kids playing video games in the house while they go sit by a fire in the yard.

Get creative and make sure you're spending at least 15 hrs a week together as a couple.
Thank you MJJEAN,

I love the basement idea. We have a basement, where we could setup a romantic little space for date nights.
 

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Discussion Starter #26
When we went away for just ourselves, it was to destinations that the children would never appreciate, or it is in an environment where the kids are entertained separately. We took a week in Paris. Stayed in the Montmartre section, the gay village actually. We walked through Paris, ate at the most incredible Bistros, went to the Louvre, and the Rodin galleries, went to the Follies, walked and walked and walked. It was the most romantic week ever. Our eldest has gotten the travel bug, in Med school she found a way for super inexpensive. She would work in the hospitals for part of the day, in return for airfare and lodging. Her and the new hubby just returned from their honeymoon, did something I have been itching to do, two weeks in the far east, Singapore and Thailand.

My wife and I did do a ton of what I called "Dirty weekends". We live in Canada, but the US border is an hour and a half away. So we book into NY, Niagara Falls or Buffalo, I know of a few hotels with jacuzzis in the room, and Mom and Dad would return from the weekend with a gigantic smile on their face.
Your holidays sound great. Defiantly make your way over to the Far East, it’s lovely.

We’ve got loads of beautiful weekend destinations on our doorstep. No jacuzzis’s, hot tubs seem to be thing over here.
 

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Sometimes romantic stuff doesn't need to be a big deal. How about getting flowers for her at random times -- just because.
Grab her hand and hold hands while walking in the mall, or while you are driving.
How about just going up to her at a random time in the day and give her a hug? Make sure when you get home, go to her and get a hug/kiss before even dropping your bag off. How about coming home and just telling her "let's order something for dinner" to give her a break?
Just you and her go to a farmers market on a Saturday morning -- just for an hour or two.

Simple gestures mean a lot.

Also, I agree with folks here on you are not just parents. I've always told my wife that I love my son and would do anything for him, but she and I are the PRIMARY relationship. Kids grows up and leave to have THEIR lives. My wife and I will be there together when that happens so we need to be primary.
 

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I think we'd both enjoy cookery classes and it would help romantic evenings in. I'll take a look.
My kids, the newlyweds have taken cooking classes so far in Iceland, Singapore and Thailand. I am being promised a green curry next time they do dinner.
 

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Then go for both. Cookery classes, art classes, yoga, whatever is available. :)
Excellent advice: We have so far done classes in Latin and Ballroom dancing, and we are going for a ceramics class this winter. I work at least six days and one evening a week in my practice and having a complete distraction during the January to April timeframe helps immensely. We did yoga a few years back, and we try to have a half hour every few days before sack time. We take ourselves out of our comfort zone and have a fun time doing it. It helps that we have a great amount of curiosity, and anything other than accounting (both of us are accountants) is welcomed into our lives at the times of the greatest stress.
 
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