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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited by Moderator)
Hey everyone,

I was just needing a little bit of advice about my marriage. My husband and I have been married only a year and 4 months now.

At first things were good and then they turned sour and I've started realizing some things about him. He drinks too much, talks about doing drugs and seems in general depressed.

It had gotten so bad that for four months, we were in a sexless and emotionless marriage. We were in marriage counseling for about 5 months.

About two weeks ago, he told me while walking the dog that he thinks we failed this marriage.

Now since a week ago, I have moved home with my family due to the things he says to me and the way he treats me(does not want sex, overly critical, refuses to talk about issues, says he wants to be alone, always threatening divorce, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression).

When I left, I sent him a message that I would go home for a few months to clear my head, he decided to cut off my cards and to reverse my car payment.

Only when I called him crying did he turn it back on and responded by saying, I thought you weren't coming back.

I sprained my ankle since being here and he says not to call him unless I have an issue or need to buy something.

Since being here, I have tried to speak with him and he is nice if I don't ask him any questions, but if I do he responds by saying I thought we were getting a divorce. My response is okay, I do not want a divorce but I cannot stop you. He will then say "well what do you think?" Now he doesn't even attempt to contact me and I haven't talked to him in days.

Thanks so much in advance, any advice on what I can do would help. I would prefer things to work out but I'm not sure.
 

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At this point, sounds like he is done. Frankly, you should be done with him as well. After all, he treats you like crap.

I was married to TWO alcoholics. This is how I was treated. Sounds fairly stereotypical to me. Alkies/addicts don't deal much with emotions unless it serves a purpose for them. IOW, manipulation of their enabler.

My suggestion would be (1) to set up a meeting with a good family law attorney asap, and, (2) go to an Al-Anon meeting to learn to own what is yours to own. (P.S. - Don't try to fix a drunk/addict.)
 

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I'm sorry but yes I think you should move forward with an divorce. You haven't been married that long and you are already with your family. He doesn't seem interested to work on the marriage OR himself at all so this tells me a lot! If you go back to him YOU will only be discouraged again. This is a blessing in disguise because sometimes ppl find out years into their marriage with 2 or 3 kids in tow.
 

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Ever hear the term do not throw good money after bad?

A year is a very short time for everything to fall apart. You should be thankful that there are not children involved.

For a marriage to work - BOTH parties need to be willing to be all in. That means no “breaks” but rather good communication skills and a willingness to work TOGETHER to solve problems.

It means treating each other with respect, kindness and compassion.

I know it hurts now, but it doesn’t sound like there is much to salvage here, and just a year or two lost.

I would recommend getting your ducks in a row so that you are prepared to legally separate and then follow it through.

You have the rest of your life in front of you. Don’t make the mistake many do and spend a decade toiling on this sort of misery.

Marriages do take work, but when people are truly compatible, they don’t fall apart like this, especially so quickly.
 

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I would prefer things to work out but I'm not sure.
I think this is more of a "mistake" than a "marriage".

I understand, but this man is sooooooooo far from any kind of reasonable husband.... I think there's going to be a very long road for him to come from where he's at, to someone who actually has any worth to a woman and/or family.

My advice is get loose, and stay loose. Stay where your family can help you.

I don't usually advise people to divorce unless there's adultery. But, I think this is one of those cases where a divorce is the "gnat" and the marriage is the "camel".
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Thank you and everyone for the responses. My mother and pastor say the same thing. I can't be the only one who wants to work on the marriage. He just believes that being married and not doing anything is okay. He doesn't want to talk about our problems and refuses to talk about his depression. The only thing he does is throw money at me and think that is how we solve any problems.
 

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THe doesn't want to talk about our problems and refuses to talk about his depression.
Keep in mind that alcohol is a depressant. Most alcoholics ARE depressed to begin with. They thing self-medicating will obliterate such feelings. Unfortunately, the opposite happens.

Your husband does not want to work on the marriage. He refuses to discuss emotionally-laden issues. AND he has lots of baggage.

Please do yourself a favor. Divorce him. Spend time in counseling to figure out why you hooked up with such a messed up guy. Then, when you feel better about YOU, go out and find a decent upstanding man. There are plenty of them out there.
 

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this man has a number of problems. he's showing alcoholic tendencies and probably suffers from depression.
these are going to be great problems as time goes on if left untreated.

he doesn't show any tendency toward being an adequate and reliable provider for you and any family you might have.
he's not paying any attention to your personal needs in this marriage. in short, he's not ready for marriage.
he feels lost. he's not attached to you or your future.

you seem to love this man. you still have to seriously reconsider if you feel you have any possible positive future with him.
fortunately you have no children at this time and this is a union that is still easily dissolved.

you really didn't have a marriage. it was little more than a live in arrangement and you only had some kind of marriage for a few months.

please, you sound like a nice person, but this marriage isn't going to work out. i'm really big on saving marriages. you don't really have a marriage and should strongly consider a divorce.

Good Luck.
 

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Hey everyone,

I was just needing a little bit of advice about my marriage. My husband and I have been married only a year and 4 months now.

At first things were good and then they turned sour and I've started realizing some things about him. He drinks too much, talks about doing drugs and seems in general depressed.

It had gotten so bad that for four months, we were in a sexless and emotionless marriage. We were in marriage counseling for about 5 months.

About two weeks ago, he told me while walking the dog that he thinks we failed this marriage.

Now since a week ago, I have moved home with my family due to the things he says to me and the way he treats me(does not want sex, overly critical, refuses to talk about issues, says he wants to be alone, always threatening divorce, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression).

When I left, I sent him a message that I would go home for a few months to clear my head, he decided to cut off my cards and to reverse my car payment.

Only when I called him crying did he turn it back on and responded by saying, I thought you weren't coming back.

I sprained my ankle since being here and he says not to call him unless I have an issue or need to buy something.

Since being here, I have tried to speak with him and he is nice if I don't ask him any questions, but if I do he responds by saying I thought we were getting a divorce. My response is okay, I do not want a divorce but I cannot stop you. He will then say "well what do you think?" Now he doesn't even attempt to contact me and I haven't talked to him in days.

Thanks so much in advance, any advice on what I can do would help. I would prefer things to work out but I'm not sure.

I am So sad to hear ur story that your going through this .But know your not alone , your husband sounds like a selfish person. I say this BECZ I totally understand were your coming from smh . I would just pray on it and see where it goes , y'all are newlyweds so the first 2yrs are the hardest . I don't know how long y'all knew one another before marriage. But my prayers go out to you and your husband on working out your marriage. Oh and maybe you guy's can go back to counseling as well. It won't hurt to try !

Good luck and take care of yourself depressing is a game or joke it's real !
 

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Thank you and everyone for the responses. My mother and pastor say the same thing. I can't be the only one who wants to work on the marriage. He just believes that being married and not doing anything is okay. He doesn't want to talk about our problems and refuses to talk about his depression.


Wow smh your husband is reminding me of my husband and I situation in way' s . If you read my story u will see you husband is not the only one acting out it seems like just about every post I read they going through almost similar situations smh ....... STAY STRONG HOPELY THINGS will work out even if you have to let him go .

My Prayers are with you .
 

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You have been given a GIFT ! You found out early, no kids, and you have not wasted much time to figure out who he really is. Accept the gift.

There are millions of people who wish they had figured out there spouse this fast and not wasted years of there life.

Move quick....save your time....get out now.
 
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