Talk About Marriage banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hello, I’ve been married for 11 years with 3 kids. Lately just been feeling so lonely. Been working part time from home for about 4 years now which I think it has changed me. I work from home so I can take care of my autistic child. Lately I don’t really talk to anyone but my kids, school teacher, therapist and sometimes my husband. I used to call him about 2 or 3 times a day for a quick hi or cooking ideas but he’s always was so busy and never recalled called me. So I stopped calling him to see if he would think of me to call me for a sec but nothing for the last few months. He’s on a business trip now and it has been the same doesn’t really call. Honestly it really hurts my feelings and it really pissed me off. Today he called me for 5 minutes but had to go since the therapist just got here for our daughter. Therapist left and he said he was having drinks with the guys and would call me in a bit. 2 hours pass by and nothing no call or text like he used to be. I called and he’s like nothing just having drinks. I told him I’m here just waiting for his call the hung up. What makes me more mad is that he didn’t even call back and we don’t fight mich. he comes home tomorrow morning.I hate feeling like this, it makes me so mad. Am I being too much? I wished sometimes I could go back to work full time and be around other people. I jut have lots of mixed emotions
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,448 Posts
To be honest you sound exhausted.You need some time to yourself and when your husband comes home tomorrow let him know this.
Tell him,don’t ask,that he is looking after the kids on Saturday and you have a day out.Go to a spa,have your hair cut,even just wander around a few shopping malls and have a nice lunch.
If his attitude doesn’t change when you spell things out then tell him you want to go back working and he will have to do his share of the legwork involved in looking after your children.
Frankly I think his attitude on the phone is disgraceful,he knew you were upset and he ignored you to stay drinking with his buddies.
How often does he travel for work?
How often does he take care of the children on his own?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
256 Posts
Hey Lonely - feel for you and strikes a bit of a chord with me too. I work from home mainly but do travel frequently for work. We have a son who's not technically special needs but has a lot of challenges. Having a special needs kid can really place a *huge* burden on a marriage even in the best of circumstances. So much added stress and makes it so hard some days to connect with your partner. And that's so crucial otherwise you just end up as lifeless co-parents just getting through a day. Believe there was another poster recently had similar...

As for your husband - it's hard to balance being away sometimes and home life. When I travel i'm pretty busy, timezones alignment issues, etc. Also it's sometimes nice to just get a breather "on the road" and a rare chance to focus on me. Maybe it's selfish but it's nice to be able to grab dinner/drinks with coworkers and not have to ask permission or have time restrictions. It's not always easy to connect over the phone either. Of course you being home puts so much stress on you to maintain and he has to appreciate that too and your needs.

How are things in your marriage otherwise? Is he "present" when he is home? Are you comfortable opening up with him about these issues?

My wife and I have worked through a lot of these challenges and our marriage is strong. But it's still tough when I have to leave. Just found out about a trip for next week and already dreading telling my wife...it's never fun.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,280 Posts
OP,

It sounds like a vacation with H is needed, and you need a break.

It may be best not to read too much into the phone call thing. I used to travel a lit with work, and W and I would talk in the evenings for a short time.

At work now, W and I as a rule don't phone each other, or text much. Just not a big deal. And work is busy, so any call isn't that long unless there's an emergency somewhere.

Best,
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,883 Posts
One way to feel connceted might to join a couple of message boards and then you can share conversations throughout the without calling anyone.

I think phone calls these days are difficult. Effectively, you are asking other people to drop everything to give you their 100% attention. I prefer being contacted by e-mail or text unless some discussion is needed.

I've heard of Mumsnet and maybe there are online communities for people who freelance / work from home and so on.
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top