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Can I say 100% without seeing her face no
What does your (gut) amygdala say. It's not worried about evidence. It can grab a ball out of the air placing your hands in the right spot in a nano-second. It can calculate equations science have not even defined to place your body out of harm and ensure your survival. It knows, what does it say?
 

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@Rcox230 and his wife were living together in a committed relationship raising their 2 kids for years before the affair; so they were practically married but just not legally. Her affair of “6 months” supposedly started during the engagement.

I wonder if they were having problems or she was pulling away from him because of her feelings for OM and he proposed as a way to nice her back. Don’t know the timeline and I doubt if he even knows when her affair really started. He gave the 6 months based on her word and what little he gathered from her phone. Maybe he can shed light on that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #383 ·
For me, the marriage ends on the night of betrayal. That would not matter if we were married for 32 years and I was betrayed 2 years into the marriage. It's been over from that moment and it would have been better for the both of us for her to have ended it when she decided to have sex with another guy,.

I say that as a general principle by the definition of marriage. If I was unfaithful, I would have ended the marriage at my moment of infidelity.
we weren't married when it happened
 

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Can I say 100% without seeing her face no
Really? I think you know deep in your gut that it’s her. Any man who’s been married for years knows his wife backside, hair and her moans. Besides, why would your wife receive an email with pics too?

I know that TAM can get scary and intimidating but we are here to help. Most of the people here have been in your shoes, which is why we can see through the holes in the story right away. We give you input to force you to dig deeper and not accept vague answers that make no logical sense. These are points that you should be forcefully making to your wife so you can get the answer and closure you need.

If you had TAM 6 years ago, you would most likely not married her. It would have been much easier to end the relationship back then but now you’re legally married and invested 6 more years of your life with this woman.
 

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Rcox,

Has she made any effort whatsoever to straighten this out with you— or is her default setting “if you have a problem, let’s just divorce”???

Even if it wasn’t her in the video, she still cheated on you and I suspect you feel the same as most men that it doesn’t really matter how deep his pecker went in, it’s still cheating.

The biggest problem in staying with her is that she’s not only a cheater, but a cheater that shows no remorse and seems to place zero value on your feelings…….

Di you plan in trying to keep her, or trying to get rid of her at this point?
 

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Discussion Starter · #388 ·
Rcox,

Has she made any effort whatsoever to straighten this out with you— or is her default setting “if you have a problem, let’s just divorce”???

Even if it wasn’t her in the video, she still cheated on you and I suspect you feel the same as most men that it doesn’t really matter how deep his pecker went in, it’s still cheating.

The biggest problem in staying with her is that she’s not only a cheater, but a cheater that shows no remorse and seems to place zero value on your feelings…….

Di you plan in trying to keep her, or trying to get rid of her at this point?
Yeah she reversed course and doesn't want a divorce now but I have separated myself
 

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Yeah she reversed course and doesn't want a divorce now but I have separated myself
She reversed course? Is she giving you the details you need for closure and to put your mind at ease? Did you see the email that had the pics? Have you really checked her devices past and present, to see if she was receiving blackmail type emails or if they were indeed just recently broken up like I suspect? Did you mention the strange coincidence of you receiving those videos and then her receiving those pics with days of each other? Why would he try to blow up her life 6 years later? Have you asked her point blank, did her affair continue for all these years?

Even if you end up divorcing, you will want to know. It will haunt you to leave things unresolved.
 

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Discussion Starter · #392 ·
She reversed course? Is she giving you the details you need for closure and to put your mind at ease? Did you see the email that had the pics? Have you really checked her devices past and present, to see if she was receiving blackmail type emails or if they were indeed just recently broken up like I suspect? Did you mention the strange coincidence of you receiving those videos and then her receiving those pics with days of each other? Why would he try to blow up her life 6 years later? Have you asked her point blank, did her affair continue for all these years?

Even if you end up divorcing, you will want to know. It will haunt you to leave things unresolved.
Since the affair I have access to all her emails, social media, and text. Haven't found anything. As far as her giving me details she has said no it didn't continue. It was only once, He has not tried to blackmail and it did not continue after she told me
 

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As the videos show it was more than the tip (she's riding him)
Where'd you get that from? Did you see the videos? It was posted that the guy took the videos from behind her and dropped the camera "when it looked like she was about to turn her head". The only way I can imagine that if it's the typical "doggie style" position and as I stated on an earlier post, it seems rather questionable that the guy can covertly video on several occasions and accurately predict when she's about to turn her head around and drop the camera. But even if we accept that as fact, how could he possibly take covert videos while she's "riding him"? Obviously she'd have to be facing away from him but they'd be very close together, the phone would be less than a foot or so away from her and he'd have to lose the camera without her being aware it- on several occasions.
 

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Can I say 100% without seeing her face no
You have the videos and you know if it's your wife or not (You're the only one who knows for sure), you also know her response when you confronted her.. So it's you call!
I'll have to admit, the way you confronted her wasn't very good, you showed her your hand before getting the information you want, you showed her the videos first, and she used the fact that her face wasn't showing to deny it's her, she used that to her advantage... But her response was very telling.

I would have confronted her without showing her the videos (she got an email about it and told you, didn't she?).
I would have told her that you got some videos of her having sex at different times and locations, and to spell out the full truth, and that you will show her the videos after you get the full truth because you need to gauge her honesty!
That way she doesn't know how much you know and will have to either deny every thing or confess about it all.
But now she knows that you only have videos without her face showing and she is taking her chances on that!

Her response made my stomach turn, because if she is innocent she will do what she can to prove to you it's not her to ease your pain, but what she did is threaten you with divorce, her response amount to black mailing, drop it and forget about it or else we divorce, this is not a response from a woman that loves her husband dearly, a woman that loves her husband and cares about him will try to ease his pain and trauma after being exposed to a video thinking it was his wife!
Usually guilty people are the ones who use this approach, the leave it or break it approach!

@Rcox230 as I said before, it could be a move from her (threatening divorce) to avoid opining a can of warms!
She reversed course and doesn't want a divorce!
You're the only one who knows your wife better than anyone.
You can gauge her attitude at home, how is she acting these days? Does she really understand and care about the pain and doubts you are going through? Does she care about her marriage and tries to save it? Does she treat you with respect and understanding? Does she understand the gravity of the situation? You're the only one that can answer these questions!

At the end of the day, it's your call and what you can live with!
Just be carful, the spouse that care less in a relationship holds all the power, and you don't want her to hold all the power by bending backwards and trying to please her!
Because what happens to men that bend backwards in an infidelity situations? Go read the Coping with Infidelity section here (brows through the pages) and other infidelity forums and see for yourself!

One last note: Don't pay the full price for something that another man got for free!
I wish you the best of luck my friend and stay strong!
 

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Since the affair I have access to all her emails, social media, and text. Haven't found anything. As far as her giving me details she has said no it didn't continue. It was only once, He has not tried to blackmail and it did not continue after she told me
Still only a rubby dub dub, no entry to the club? Is that her story?
 

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Where'd you get that from? Did you see the videos? It was posted that the guy took the videos from behind her and dropped the camera "when it looked like she was about to turn her head". The only way I can imagine that if it's the typical "doggie style" position and as I stated on an earlier post, it seems rather questionable that the guy can covertly video on several occasions and accurately predict when she's about to turn her head around and drop the camera. But even if we accept that as fact, how could he possibly take covert videos while she's "riding him"? Obviously she'd have to be facing away from him but they'd be very close together, the phone would be less than a foot or so away from her and he'd have to lose the camera without her being aware it- on several occasions.
He said more than once that the woman in the video has a mole in the exact same place as his wife and he could recognize her moans (poor guy).

She also said this: "She then said ok we are going to have a sit down with the guy and ask him if he made these or any videos and posted them. If he did I am going to sue his ass I thought that was strange response. I said you said it's not you in the videos so why would you sue him. She said it's not me in the videos. "

If not her, why would she want to contact her ex-AP to see if he made them and posted them? And if she is so sure they aren't her, why would she say she will sue him?
 

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I don't have answers to any of your questions.

I'm questioning the credibility of how the videos could have been taken in the first place.

I just don't see a guy screwing a woman from behind, videoing her with his phone, and knowing exactly when to drop it before she turns her head around.

On multiple occasions.

I definitely can't see it happening if she's doing the ole' cowgirl position as you suggested.
 

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I don't have answers to any of your questions.

I'm questioning the credibility of how the videos could have been taken in the first place.

I just don't see a guy screwing a woman from behind, videoing her with his phone, and knowing exactly when to drop it before she turns her head around.

On multiple occasions.

I definitely can't see it happening if she's doing the ole' cowgirl position as you suggested.
You never had a free hand? I salute your dedication and commitment.
 

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What does that have to do with anything?
We need to paint a picture, lol. Imagine a woman straddling you in the back seat of a car, face to face. You hold the phone in your right hand outstretched behind her. Then as she starts to turn her head you just drop the phone.
 
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