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Hey @Rcox230 , how have things been since you had the divorce conversation? Has she tried to talk about wanting to work things out. Did you discuss the email that she received? Do you have access to her devices to run a recovery? Getting access to her email, text, and social media and doing a deep dive. Also get access to her old phones from years before. Don’t forget to look for hidden folders that can have pics and videos.

I fear that her affair most likely has been going on for years. My reasoning is the date the account was made in 2019. You said his account only had the videos of your wife. Something happened between them back then. Could she have tried to break up with OM back then but have gotten back together after some threats? If the affair was over, why didn’t he send you the videos back then.

He also sent her the Email with the pics within days of you receiving the videos. I suspect that she knew he sent you the videos, which is why she even mentioned the email she received. I’d bet if you dig deep in her emails, you’ll find that there was threats prior to the emails with the pics. To me it screams that they had a break up and he’s been trying to blackmail her to keep her in play but she refused so he’s trying to blow up her life.

Her bringing up divorce is to preempt more discussion and your inquiries. At the bare minimum you now know they had sex at least a handful of times. How? Because she wants to question him and sue him. Why question or threaten lawsuits if she knows it’s not her?
 

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Hey @Rcox230 , how have things been since you had the divorce conversation? Has she tried to talk about wanting to work things out. Did you discuss the email that she received? Do you have access to her devices to run a recovery? Getting access to her email, text, and social media and doing a deep dive. Also get access to her old phones from years before. Don’t forget to look for hidden folders that can have pics and videos.

I fear that her affair most likely has been going on for years. My reasoning is the date the account was made in 2019. You said his account only had the videos of your wife. Something happened between them back then. Could she have tried to break up with OM back then but have gotten back together after some threats? If the affair was over, why didn’t he send you the videos back then.

He also sent her the Email with the pics within days of you receiving the videos. I suspect that she knew he sent you the videos, which is why she even mentioned the email she received. I’d bet if you dig deep in her emails, you’ll find that there was threats prior to the emails with the pics. To me it screams that they had a break up and he’s been trying to blackmail her to keep her in play but she refused so who tried to blow up her life.

Her bringing up divorce is to preempt more discussion and your inquiries. At the bare minimum you now know they had sex at least a handful of times. How? Because she wants to question him and sue him. Why question or threaten lawsuits if she knows it’s not her?
Also, if it's not her, there is no harm that can be demonstrated so there is no basis for a lawsuit.
 

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From what Rcox has stated, she has done nothing but rugsweep this affair from since the time it happened.

Now ever since then I have never felt closure from it. After a few months she refused to talk about it anymore and said we have to move forward and forget the past.

She has been sealing the lid to this coffin for six years and these videos are nothing more than the final nail. The lid is shut and locked. Rcox doesn't need to prove anything. This whole fiasco is not so much about her lying, as it is her continuing to lie and doing absolutely nothing to heal the marriage.
 

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Besides the high probability that her affair lasted WAY longer than @Rcox230 thinks what really sucks for him is that she betrayed him when he finally proposed and they became engaged. After finding out, instead of calling off the wedding and dumping her, he goes forward and marries her anyway. I know a big part of the reason has to do with them already having 2 kids but I suspect fear of being alone or of her moving on without him also played a significant role.

A fiancé who’s adulterous betrayal is rewarded with marriage, will see her husband as of lower value compared to her lover. In her eyes her husband was weak for forgiving her and her lover was bold for going after what he wants. Which is why I think she never really deeply reattach to OP. Besides it’s hard to reattach when the OM was likely still in the picture.
 

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Besides the high probability that her affair lasted WAY longer than @Rcox230 thinks what really sucks for him is that she betrayed him when he finally proposed and they became engaged. After finding out, instead of calling off the wedding and dumping her, he goes forward and marries her anyway. I know a big part of the reason has to do with them already having 2 kids but I suspect fear of being alone or of her moving on without him also played a significant role.

A fiancé who’s adulterous betrayal is rewarded with marriage, will see her husband as of lower value compared to her lover. In her eyes her husband was weak for forgiving her and her lover was bold for going after what he wants. Which is why I think she never really deeply reattach to OP. Besides it’s hard to reattach when the OM was likely still in the picture.
Agreed….. but not hard to reattach— impossible. OP has been used as a tool his entire marriage. I’m sorry OP. You’re a person, not a tool to be used. You deserve better, she deserves a set of neatly stacked and legally notarized divorce papers.

you were duped into marrying a harlot. I hate that for you. They walk among us.
 

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Because I have small kids homie it’s not about me you get it?????
I had small kids too when I decided to divorce. I wasn't going to be any good to them as a father if I was sitting at home miserable with a ditch pig gutter wh**e.

I get it, you don't want to disrupt their lives. You want to protect them. Without reading through everything, are these videos supposed to be back in the day, or made after you got married? Either way, I'd want to vomit.
 

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I don't understand why she is continuing to lie if we have made the decision to get divorced.
2 reasons, one, she might think it will hurt her in court, but the courts don't care, even when it means a mother with low morals would be getting custody. They just don't care.

And two, she wants to exude innocence and doesn't want anyone, including you, thinking she is a pig.
 

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First of all noone is wallowing passively and I know what i'm going to do. It's easy to talk S%$ from the other side when your not going through it and like you know how to handle every situation perfectly. I'm thinking of my kids and I deserve to know the truth.
You could get custody if you are in a position to have it when you get divorced. But getting it is near impossible. You'd have to get some evidence, even the videos, and show just what a heathen she is in order to get your kids. Aside from proving her to be a drug abuser, or that she beats them, it seems immoral mothers will still get custody, believe me, I know.

So if you are thinking of your kids, I'm taking it you are not seriously considering divorce?(unless I missed something)

If that is the case, what do you intend to do? Stay married to this skank and be miserable for the rest of your life?
 

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Why dont you ack her to do polygraph test? When she refuses,then you know for sure that she is lying. If she tells you that she will do it,then you realy go with it,and she wont go when the time comes for test or she will start admitting more. Ask her to take a POLYGRAPH !
She already told him she’d just assume divorce. She won’t even discuss it with him. A polygraph? She’d laugh in his face. She just doesn’t care and doesn’t think he’ll do anything. He’s spinning his wheels talking about it.
 

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So, are the videos truly your wife? Are you sure? If so, she should be told as the videos may have been put there by him which makes, in many states, an illegal act. She can have them removed.
Consider this: If you have been happily married for 6 years and trust her completely talk to her. It was long ago, and she likely never agreed to allow the videos on xvideos.

Yes, there was multiple times but where they all from after the engagement? Maybe they were lovers before engagement and she had a weakness one night. If your marriage has been rock solid for 6 years, do you want to throw that away?

Plus, 6 years old materials are not likely actionable even if your state has at-fault laws. Every state has Limitation of Actions and few are longer than 3 years. At-fault divorce is only useful to minimize things like alimony.
 

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So, are the videos truly your wife? Are you sure? If so, she should be told as the videos may have been put there by him which makes, in many states, an illegal act. She can have them removed.
Consider this: If you have been happily married for 6 years and trust her completely talk to her. It was long ago, and she likely never agreed to allow the videos on xvideos.

Yes, there was multiple times but where they all from after the engagement? Maybe they were lovers before engagement and she had a weakness one night. If your marriage has been rock solid for 6 years, do you want to throw that away?

Plus, 6 years old materials are not likely actionable even if your state has at-fault laws. Every state has Limitation of Actions and few are longer than 3 years. At-fault divorce is only useful to minimize things like alimony.
Just read the first post huh? Btw, anything goes before an engagement?
 

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So, are the videos truly your wife? Are you sure? If so, she should be told as the videos may have been put there by him which makes, in many states, an illegal act. She can have them removed.
Consider this: If you have been happily married for 6 years and trust her completely talk to her. It was long ago, and she likely never agreed to allow the videos on xvideos.

Yes, there was multiple times but where they all from after the engagement? Maybe they were lovers before engagement and she had a weakness one night. If your marriage has been rock solid for 6 years, do you want to throw that away?

Plus, 6 years old materials are not likely actionable even if your state has at-fault laws. Every state has Limitation of Actions and few are longer than 3 years. At-fault divorce is only useful to minimize things like alimony.
You should read all the details, these things are answered. He is positive it is her. Even though he never sees her face there is plenty of evidence that makes him sure it is her. She cheated while they were engaged. She lied and said it was only once and he just put the tip in. As the videos show it was more than the tip (she's riding him) and it was more than once. Also her response when he confronted her makes it obvious it was her even if she denies it.
 

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If his WW really wanted to fight for her husband and to keep the family together, she would be bending over backwards to prove her innocence. For her to go straight to let’s just divorce after being questioned should really tell @Rcox230 that her love for him is only on a superficial level.

If he were to logically think through the evidence, he would have to come face to face with the real possibility that her affair lasted until recently. To learn that all or most of your marriage was a lie has got to be a painful conclusion.
 

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She already suggested divorce if he wasn't ready to ignore the videos. If they don't divorce, she may just conclude she is "good to go", nothing will happen, she can live single on OP's dime.
 

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So, are the videos truly your wife? Are you sure?
Let me help your roll that rock for a moment and tell you, I'd know my wife's backside on a grainy video just by the way she moves it. OP wouldn't be here if his amygdala (gut) wasn't sure. He has a problem since his frontal lobe is seeding doubt, but the amygdala knows.

If so, she should be told as the videos may have been put there by him which makes, in many states, an illegal act. She can have them removed.
That's between her and the AP. The only reason for OP to assist her is simply for the sake of his kids, but if it's just her backside hopping and no face, I don't even think it's worth his effort to assist.

Consider this: If you have been happily married for 6 years and trust her completely talk to her. It was long ago, and she likely never agreed to allow the videos on xvideos.
There is no moratorium on matters of the heart and again. The legalities are between her and the AP.

Yes, there was multiple times but where they all from after the engagement? Maybe they were lovers before engagement and she had a weakness one night. If your marriage has been rock solid for 6 years, do you want to throw that away?
That's up to OP. If he's like me, sexual betrayal 30 years ago is a deal-breaker and I would be extra peaved (mitigated term) just because of being lied to for years and loosing those years where I could have been moving on with a better person. Time is the only wealth we cannot ever reclaim. Once spent it is gone. Time spent on a base of lies is time wasted. It taints everything, even the memories we once held dear. There is nothing as bad as wasting time building memories good memories because the foundation the memories were built on was nothin but a lie.

Plus, 6 years old materials are not likely actionable even if your state has at-fault laws. Every state has Limitation of Actions and few are longer than 3 years. At-fault divorce is only useful to minimize things like alimony.
Nope, I studied law and did some research. Sex with the SO after gaining the knowledge of the betrayal is the only thing that can cancel divorce on the grounds of adultery in any legal jurisdiction where adultery is still valid. Any sex while still ignorant of the betrayal is not seen as consent and thus not factored.

Inversely, there are still some international jurisdictions where she is subject to stoning for her actions if found guilty.

I'm not casting a moral opinion, just a legal one, based on the ability to read law.

It's such a sad event when that stone is at the bottom of the mountain again.
 

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That's up to OP. If he's like me, sexual betrayal 30 years ago is a deal-breaker and I would be extra peaved (mitigated term) just because of being lied to for years and loosing those years where I could have been moving on with a better person. Time is the only wealth we cannot ever reclaim. Once spent it is gone. Time spent on a base of lies is time wasted. It taints everything, even the memories we once held dear. There is nothing as bad as wasting time building memories good memories because the foundation the memories were built on was nothin but a lie.
For me, the marriage ends on the night of betrayal. That would not matter if we were married for 32 years and I was betrayed 2 years into the marriage. It's been over from that moment and it would have been better for the both of us for her to have ended it when she decided to have sex with another guy,.

I say that as a general principle by the definition of marriage. If I was unfaithful, I would have ended the marriage at my moment of infidelity.
 

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Discussion Starter · #380 ·
So, are the videos truly your wife? Are you sure? If so, she should be told as the videos may have been put there by him which makes, in many states, an illegal act. She can have them removed.
Consider this: If you have been happily married for 6 years and trust her completely talk to her. It was long ago, and she likely never agreed to allow the videos on xvideos.

Yes, there was multiple times but where they all from after the engagement? Maybe they were lovers before engagement and she had a weakness one night. If your marriage has been rock solid for 6 years, do you want to throw that away?

Plus, 6 years old materials are not likely actionable even if your state has at-fault laws. Every state has Limitation of Actions and few are longer than 3 years. At-fault divorce is only useful to minimize things like alimony.
Can I say 100% without seeing her face no
 
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