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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I really need some advice on what I should do about my wife's affair. Ok so 6 years ago me and my wife were engaged and in January 2015 she came to me and confessed about an affair she had with a co worker. She is a supervisor and this other guy was one of her employees. Now at first she told me 3 different stories on what happened, then she sat me down one day and say ok I'm gonna tell you the truth. So the story she told me was it was just a 4 month emotional affair that got physical one night she went out with her girlfriends. She left her girlfriends and went to his house. She said it got real intense and physical, I specifically asked her did you have sex with him. And her answer was it kind of felt like it he was rubbing on my vagina wand partially sticking it in. She never said actually yes he penetrated me. Anyway she said once that night happened she felt really bad and ended it. I asked her were there any other days before that night where they got physical and she said no. She said there was one other instance in his car but it was just caressing of hair. Now from the story she told me I took time to decide whether to stay and I ended up staying. She cried and begged me not to leave her and she was so sorry. a Year later we got married.

Now ever since then I have never felt closure from it. After a few months she refused to talk about it anymore and said we have to move forward and forget the past. Well recently a friend of mine emailed me. He wouldn't tell me his name but he said he is very close friend of mine. He emailed me 4 different videos from a porn site called xvideos of what he says is my wife having sex with someone. He told me he was just on the porn site to get his jerks off but came across the videos and was shocked to see her on them. It was obviously from the guy at work she had an affair with. My friend said he was shocked and felt he had to tell me.

I am kind of devastated because now I just know she told me a straight up lie about the affair. In one of the videos she is in the back seat of his car. I really don't know what to do. Should I confront her about these videos or just leave it alone. It seems they were having sex multiple times for who knows how long. I don't believe any of the story she told me now. I don't understand why a women would confess about an affair and then lie about the story. If she would have told me the truth I would of left her and never married her. Please help me guys I don't know what to do
 

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You answered your own question; if she would have told you the truth, you wouldn't have married her.
By his demeanor and narrative, I doubt very much that he wouldn't have marry her. Even now that he actually knows the real truth, he doesn't know what to do. He is so afraid that he doesn't know if he has the balls to confront her. Even when and if he confronts her the most likely scenario would be him eventually taking her back, and to her except for the inconvenience of being find out there will be no major repercussions. That's my take we seen it so many times, that is almost a "sure thing". hope that I'm wrong and the OP finds his balls, self respect and dignity and tells her to **** off out his life.
 

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Your marriage is built on a lie. Do you want to build further and waste more years when that is the foundation? See a lawyer and have her served. You might want to keep exposure of the videos in your back pocket in order to negotiate a better deal in the divorce.
 

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For me the lies would be just as bad as the cheating. If you have no children I cant see any reason to stay.
How can you possibly ever trust a thing she says?

May be worth saying that you don't think she told you all if it and that you want her to take a lie detector test. See what her reaction is.

She married you under false pretences. You ask if you should just leave it alone. Really?
 

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wow. this sounds like a major dealbreaker. I mean 'cmon man!' (to quote the president). one thing you need to clarify.
exactly when did this affair occur? is it for sure her in the videos? if it was during your actual engagement period, no self respecting man would tolerate this.
this is horrible, graphic, not to mention unethical (having an affair with an underling). this was cold blooded cheating of the highest magnitude.
she's a skank.
 

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Download and save the vids to the cloud in at least two places. Keep quiet about it, let this be your ace in the hole. Talk to a lawyer and find out what your options are, maybe your state still has at fault. Main thing is to get your plan together now. Then act. Don't waver. You should have dumped her 6yrs ago.
 

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Should you ignore it? Please tell me that’s not even something you’re considering. Do you want to stay married and start a family with a woman who was doing porn while engaged to you? Can you imagine having your close friends and relatives see videos of your wife performing wanton sex acts with who knows how many guys? Or worse, a future son finding videos of his mom?

I advise that you run from this. There are few guys who can be in a relationship with a former sex worker. The great majority are not able to and I’m getting the vibe that you’re a regular guy that will be emotionally torn apart by what you have seen.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I hear you guys I did forget to mention we have 2 boys that we had before marriage. That's what's making it really hard because they love seeing me wake them up and put them to bed. But I am planning on sitting her down and showing her the videos then I have no choice but to leave once/if she confesses. I just hate that it's about to be xmas and I don't want to mess up my kids xmas.
 

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I hear you guys I did forget to mention we have 2 boys that we had before marriage. That's what's making it really hard because they love seeing me wake them up and put them to bed. But I am planning on sitting her down and showing her the videos then I have no choice but to leave once/if she confesses. I just hate that it's about to be xmas and I don't want to mess up my kids xmas.
Their Cheating mother nuked their Christmas, not you.
 

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Do you have the videos in your possession as evidence? Do you know when those videos were created (as opposed to posted)? Doesn't excuse it, because she lied and said they did it half a time, when you have evidence of otherwise. I would imagine this is grounds for an annulment if you want it. Wait til after X-mas to do this.
 

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well, have a plan.

Start with something like - I DO NOT want this to affect Christmas for the boys, but, there's 0% chance I'll be able to behave in a way that won't have you suspicious or knowing something is wrong. Here's why. Then show the videos.
 

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She
I hear you guys I did forget to mention we have 2 boys that we had before marriage. That's what's making it really hard because they love seeing me wake them up and put them to bed. But I am planning on sitting her down and showing her the videos then I have no choice but to leave once/if she confesses. I just hate that it's about to be xmas and I don't want to mess up my kids xmas.
Your boys are depending on you to show them how they should act should they find their girlfriends/spouses unfaithful to them.

I only suggest that you don't risk pregnancy with her from here until after Christmas, since it looks like you're heading to a divorce.
 

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@Rcox230 Are you 100% certain the videos are your wife? There have been instances of mistaken identity with such videos.

It's very unlikely she knows he published the videos, it is is her in them.
I was wondering the same thing. Is it irrefutable that it is her in the videos? There are lots of fake stuff out there and sometimes people have damn near twins out there. A female friend of ours had someone send her a nude pic from a porn sight that was supposedly her. It sure did look a lot like her, but there were some clues that it wasn't actually her.

Even if it isn't her in the videos, I would still probably be worried. She trickle-truthed and has changed her story. Also, the bit about he didn't really put it all the way in, what a total load of crap. Ain't no man alive that only puts the tip in while in a lustful moment like that. You have a cheater and a liar on your hands. Is that really someone you want to grow old with?
 

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I hear you guys I did forget to mention we have 2 boys that we had before marriage. That's what's making it really hard because they love seeing me wake them up and put them to bed. But I am planning on sitting her down and showing her the videos then I have no choice but to leave once/if she confesses. I just hate that it's about to be xmas and I don't want to mess up my kids xmas.
Divorce does not mean you not longer get to have your children. It only means that you will have them 50% of the time +/-, and you can actually have a better quality time we them rather than more time.
Those that stay in a sham of a marriage because of children, do so at their own expense. Children will grow and mature and eventually find out and understand why you left or not. Respect for you will depends on what you do and how you do it. Children can gauge and understand even if only instinctively what's going on. They know when the parents love each other, when they have a stable home. When they grow in dysfunctional home they think that that's the normal, and they will follow with the same pattern. So, as painful as it may be, once the marriage is broken to that point is better for the children two happy homes than a miserable one. That, plus you get to keep your dignity and self-respect. I for one without hesitation, as much as it would rip my heart out would divorce, but I'm not you. You do you, and for the rest of your live with the consequences of your decisions, one way or the other, but at least with the most obvious choice (divorce), I would live with my chin high, and my dignity and self-respect intact.
 

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Also, curious about the "friend" that emailed the videos. There are probably more than 10 million videos on that porn site and your friend managed to find your wife? Seems really odd. If they are really her I would suspect the OM sent them to you. Again, IF they are her. In the videos, does it appear she knows she is being recorded? She would have some big cojones to lie about the extent of her affair if she knew there were 4 or more videos of her floating around out there.
 
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