[write4me]

My husband and I have only been married 8 months and he has asked me twice if I would be interested in bringing another woman in for a threesome.

The first time I was so upset and he apologized so profusely I thought the issue was over with.

We have a great relationship otherwise; we are best friends, great lovers and truly have fun together...

Then last weekend he brought it up again. I was extremely upset and again, he apologized, said it was more a fantasy thing than anything and that he would never say a word about it again, that he doesn't want to do anything to hurt our marriage.

But the damage has been done and I'm praying and searching for a way to heal us and for me to put it behind me if he is truly sincere...

I just feel heartbroken. The thought that he wanted to bring some random woman in to our bed makes me sick, and I see it as cheating plain and simple. I have wondered more times than I care to admit if I should just file for divorce...

How do I get past this?

 

[Faithful Wife]

I'd honestly consider divorce.

 

[NobodySpecial]

I honestly agree with FW. You don't get to bring this sort of thing in the context and then just say, yah honey it was just in the manner of a fantasy anyway. I would be seriously concerned that you married someone with significantly different values than you.

 

[melw74]

I agree with Faithful wife..... 8 months married and hes talking about bringing another woman in to your relationship... Not good, I would seriously be thinking if i still wanted to be married to him?....

Did he say anything before you married about this?....

I have to say if my new husband was taking about things like this i would be seriously worried about his faithfulness towards me.

 

[jorgegene]

I'm glad it makes you sick (not glad for your pain though).

It makes me sick just hearing it, and I'm not even you.

 

[Married but Happy]

I'd honestly consider the threesome. But ask for MFM.

 

[MarriedDude]

My husband and I have only been married 8 months and he has asked me twice if I would be interested in bringing another woman in for a threesome.

The first time I was so upset and he apologized so profusely I thought the issue was over with.

We have a great relationship otherwise; we are best friends, great lovers and truly have fun together...

Then last weekend he brought it up again. I was extremely upset and again, he apologized, said it was more a fantasy thing than anything and that he would never say a word about it again, that he doesn't want to do anything to hurt our marriage.

But the damage has been done and I'm praying and searching for a way to heal us and for me to put it behind me if he is truly sincere...

I just feel heartbroken. The thought that he wanted to bring some random woman in to our bed makes me sick, and I see it as cheating plain and simple. I have wondered more times than I care to admit if I should just file for divorce...

How do I get past this?

It sounds like this has really hurt you...understandably so. It's a pretty dumb thing for him to bringing it up period as it disrespects both you and your marriage.

It could be just a fantasy...It could be more.

You mentioned prayer. If you regularly attend church- ask for a meeting with the pastor, priest, etc...have your husband come. See if the the pastor can help your husband understand the danger such an activity poses and hurt it's suggestion is causing you.

I would bet...He won't bring it up again. He may be mad about the meeting...but he will then clearly understand the gravity of the issue.

 

[WonkyNinja]

You are YOU. She is not you. Or you are being tongue in cheek which I am guessing this poster won't get.

I think MbH was being tongue in cheek there, but I wonder how H would respond to her accepting his offer but it must be MFM with a guy who is Bi. He might suddenly find the fantasy less appealing.

This must have been on his mind for a while and he clearly didn't mention it before they were married.

If he'd said it the once then dropped it that would be one thing, but to bring it up again after she made it obvious that she wasn't interested is clearly different.

I'll agree with some previous responses that she needs to seriously reconsider this relationship.

 

[michzz]

If at no point during your courtship the subject of adding a third person to your impending marriage was brought up, and upon the first time he asked about it he saw your extreme reaction to it, then for him to bring it up again is complete disrespect.

I don't buy it that he just says it as a fantasy. He is just giving himself an out for having stated it.

I would seek an annulment for marital fraud.


Back away from this marriage, he wants it to go where you and most of us do not.

 

[Sammiee]

The thought that he wanted to bring some random woman in to our bed makes me sick, and I see it as cheating plain and simple.

What if it was a woman he knows, or someone you know. Would that be more acceptable? Because he just might have someone in mind.

Also it's not cheating if it's done with your full knowledge.

 

[richardsharpe]

Good evening
I have a slightly different take on this. Being with two partners of the desired sex is a very common fantasy. He has decided to see if you are up for it. You said no. If he accepted that "no", then I don't really see a problem. If he keeps pestering you about it, that is completely different.

I think couples should be able to ask their partners for sexual things that they want, but should also cheerfully accept being turned down for those requests.


So, yes, I'd quite enjoy trying a 3-some with my wife and one of her female friends. I'm not going to ask, I know she wouldn't agree. I'm not at all unhappy that I can't do it, its just another unrealistic fantasy.

 

[Sammiee]

It IS a common fantasy, and I'm no exception. I've brought it up with my girlfriend a few times, if she's had a few to drink she is open to the idea, when she sobers up she's back to "no way".

For those advocating divorce, I think that's a wee bit over the top.

 

[Wolf1974]

It IS a common fantasy, and I'm no exception. I've brought it up with my girlfriend a few times, if she's had a few to drink she is open to the idea, when she sobers up she's back to "no way".

For those advocating divorce, I think that's a wee bit over the top.

Here is the issue though. He waited till after they were married to bring this up? If this was a need he had that should have been disclosed prior to marriage. Because now it seems he is going to hound her about this like a child. She didn't sign up for that. And he took away her ability to make a decision about marrying him knowing he wanted this.

I have no issue with him asking. But she said no. That's his bad then for not bringing it up before. I think the Op should tell him if you ask for this again I'm filing for divorce and be done with him.

 

[write4me]

Thank you all for your responses. You have helped a lot. I'm still in turmoil, but at least I don't feel alone. To answer your questions, no we never spoke of it before major, and we went in to the marriage with what I thought was a mutual understanding of one man, one woman and that's it... He has apologized more times than I care to count and says that he never had anyone in mind, had never did the act before and was an idiot for bringing it up... I guess what hurts the most is that in my mind he was willing to sleep with another woman if I was alright with it! I'm sorry, but even as I try my best to be fair minded about this, I think this type of sexual conduct in a marriage just spells disaster for all involved.

I wish I could shake it off. Married Guy had some good points about being able to ask and if it's no, then that's that...I really wish it were that simple for my heart....

 

[Fozzy]

My husband and I have only been married 8 months and he has asked me twice if I would be interested in bringing another woman in for a threesome.

The first time I was so upset and he apologized so profusely I thought the issue was over with.

We have a great relationship otherwise; we are best friends, great lovers and truly have fun together...

Then last weekend he brought it up again. I was extremely upset and again, he apologized, said it was more a fantasy thing than anything and that he would never say a word about it again, that he doesn't want to do anything to hurt our marriage.

But the damage has been done and I'm praying and searching for a way to heal us and for me to put it behind me if he is truly sincere...

I just feel heartbroken. The thought that he wanted to bring some random woman in to our bed makes me sick, and I see it as cheating plain and simple. I have wondered more times than I care to admit if I should just file for divorce...

How do I get past this?

Dont be so sure that he was thinking of just some random woman.

 

[badsanta]

All us guys are sexual deviants, and we need our wives to ground us in a nurturing way here and there.

It is OK to let your husband "talk" about these things, but you just have to find a clever way to let him know to be very careful what he wishes for!

Be playful and tell him you might be very curious about him being with two women, but in order to try it out you'll need him to role-play with an inflatable 3rd party first. Purchase two inflatable girls for him demonstrate everything while you sit back and watch him make an idiot of himself!

 

[NobodySpecial]

All us guys are sexual deviants, and we need our wives to ground us in a nurturing way here and there.

It is OK to let your husband "talk" about these things, but you just have to find a clever way to let him know to be very careful what he wishes for!

Be playful and tell him you might be very curious about him being with two women, but in order to try it out you'll need him to role-play with an inflatable 3rd party first. Purchase two inflatable girls for him demonstrate everything while you sit back and watch him make an idiot of himself!

That is kind of funny.

 

[Accipiter777]

Suggest a MMF threesome. Bet that will stop him cold.

 

[richardsharpe]

Good evening
Its a really really common fantasy. Seriously, I suggest that you tell him that you are sorry you got mad, and you hope he will continue to tell you his fantasies (much better than keeping them secret don't you think?). But, also tell him that you are not interested in anything that involves other people.

Thank you all for your responses. You have helped a lot. I'm still in turmoil, but at least I don't feel alone. To answer your questions, no we never spoke of it before major, and we went in to the marriage with what I thought was a mutual understanding of one man, one woman and that's it... He has apologized more times than I care to count and says that he never had anyone in mind, had never did the act before and was an idiot for bringing it up... I guess what hurts the most is that in my mind he was willing to sleep with another woman if I was alright with it! I'm sorry, but even as I try my best to be fair minded about this, I think this type of sexual conduct in a marriage just spells disaster for all involved.

I wish I could shake it off. Married Guy had some good points about being able to ask and if it's no, then that's that...I really wish it were that simple for my heart....

 

[Youngster]

I can see maybe the first time him expressing his fantasy to you(which is what couples should do in a marriage, communicate). Once he saw how much it upset you, he should have dropped it.....for good. The fact that he brought it up a second time makes him look like a creep!