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Discussion Starter #1
Hey y’all. I’m 27 and a mom to 3 young kids. I’m not really sure why I came here but hoping to get some advice and hear some unbiased opinions from some of you. I’ve been with my husband for 7 years(married 4). I’m about at my wits end in this marriage. He has simply given up, closed off, never present with the kids, when he’s home he’s either on his phone or sleeping. Seriously this man could easy sleep for days if I allow him to. I’ve tried talking to him (not nagging) about how I need to him to step up more and interact with the kids more. It goes through one ear and out the other. Lately I believe he’s having an affair. His dad passed away last year. I know he’s depressed but there are def some red flags. I doubt he’s doing anything physical but I do believe he’s found himself a work wife. I am uncomfortable with how close he is with his coworker. He has put on some weight and I know he’s insecure about it. I know that can cause a man to stray. I feel that I am attractive after 3 kids I’m 130 5’7 and workout regularly. His coworker is on the plus size but she is in the rather large side when it comes to cup size. Which lets be honest after nursing three babies I’m not as firm as I used to be. Hoping to get breast augmentation soon tho. Anyways I feel he views me as childcare provider/housekeeper. I feel like he doesn’t like me half the time and he’s so bored with me. I can ask him a question and seriously repeat myself a million times to get an answer everyday multiple times a day. He’s like in some other world and seems Miserable to be home. I give him sex whenever he wants it, house is always cleaned, never ask for help with the kids, let him relax. He doesn’t have any work to do around the house. I take out the trash everyday and I’m pretty handy with tools and can fix the basics. I feel as if he has taken me for granted and he may be up to something.
 

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Can you get access to any electronics he may use to communicate with the coworker. Have you investigated possible D and what it might look like?
 

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Red flags

1. Coworker calls and text everyday outside of work hours and early hours 5:30 sometimes 4:30

2. When we first relocated we stayed at a hotel where his work provides all employees after he was hired. The coworker happened to be relocated at the same time and was also at the hotel. During our stay I went through his phone and saw where he made a call to her at 3:30 am

3. He deletes texts. I know this because phone bills had text times with dates and his phone had some missing messages

4. He always works late. He usually stays 2 hours past schedule some days he stays 4. A couple times he stayed till 1 am

5. When I say I do everything and he doesn’t it is not an exaggeration. It’s like he comes here to sleep and that’s it. He doesn’t help around house at all he sleeps all the time. He takes his phone with him everywhere he goes. Even when he takes a shower. He didn’t used to do this.

6. I’m a sahm. I don’t have access to money like I used to. He opened up a new bank account and hasn’t added me. I know the card number so I can use it sometime. Recently he added a feature where prior purchases are sent to his phone and he can’t decline them. Which he has done a couple of times

7. He’s not paying any of my bills. I have some credit cards. He has opened lines of credit in my name(some without asking) and he has stopped paying the bills the past 10 months. My credit has dropped almost 200 points. He also said he can’t afford my car payment anymore and it was recently towed. He said he will get me a new car or buy himself a motorcycle and let me drive his car since my oldest is starting kindergarten.

8. On his days off he makes excuses why needs to run important errands sporadically. Never mentions anything days prior. Excuses to leave house

9. I have found odd texts months ago and I wish I hadn’t mentioned anything to him because now he deletes everything. His calls and texts have cut down to half of the usual the past few months and I believe he has a second phone or using some type of app
 

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Red flags

1. Coworker calls and text everyday outside of work hours and early hours 5:30 sometimes 4:30

2. When we first relocated we stayed at a hotel where his work provides all employees after he was hired. The coworker happened to be relocated at the same time and was also at the hotel. During our stay I went through his phone and saw where he made a call to her at 3:30 am

3. He deletes texts. I know this because phone bills had text times with dates and his phone had some missing messages

4. He always works late. He usually stays 2 hours past schedule some days he stays 4. A couple times he stayed till 1 am

5. When I say I do everything and he doesn’t it is not an exaggeration. It’s like he comes here to sleep and that’s it. He doesn’t help around house at all he sleeps all the time. He takes his phone with him everywhere he goes. Even when he takes a shower. He didn’t used to do this.

6. I’m a sahm. I don’t have access to money like I used to. He opened up a new bank account and hasn’t added me. I know the card number so I can use it sometime. Recently he added a feature where prior purchases are sent to his phone and he can’t decline them. Which he has done a couple of times

7. He’s not paying any of my bills. I have some credit cards. He has opened lines of credit in my name(some without asking) and he has stopped paying the bills the past 10 months. My credit has dropped almost 200 points. He also said he can’t afford my car payment anymore and it was recently towed. He said he will get me a new car or buy himself a motorcycle and let me drive his car since my oldest is starting kindergarten.

8. On his days off he makes excuses why needs to run important errands sporadically. Never mentions anything days prior. Excuses to leave house

9. I have found odd texts months ago and I wish I hadn’t mentioned anything to him because now he deletes everything. His calls and texts have cut down to half of the usual the past few months and I believe he has a second phone or using some type of app
Each one of these things you mention, by themselves, are suspicious. When you add them up, they paint a very troubling picture. The deleting texts and having the phone with him at all times concern me most. There is something he is obviously hiding or trying very hard to hide from you that he does not want your eyes seeing. The very early calls are very odd as well. Have you ever asked him what those are all about?
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Yes he says he didn’t make the calls or doesn’t remember making them. He’s a habitual liar and he’s good at it too. I have caught him in lies and he will continue lying to avoid confrontation or being found out.
 

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Yes he says he didn’t make the calls or doesn’t remember making them. He’s a habitual liar and he’s good at it too. I have caught him in lies and he will continue lying to avoid confrontation or being found out.
What other types of things does he lie to you about?
 

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Red flags

1. Coworker calls and text everyday outside of work hours and early hours 5:30 sometimes 4:30

2. When we first relocated we stayed at a hotel where his work provides all employees after he was hired. The coworker happened to be relocated at the same time and was also at the hotel. During our stay I went through his phone and saw where he made a call to her at 3:30 am

3. He deletes texts. I know this because phone bills had text times with dates and his phone had some missing messages

4. He always works late. He usually stays 2 hours past schedule some days he stays 4. A couple times he stayed till 1 am

5. When I say I do everything and he doesn’t it is not an exaggeration. It’s like he comes here to sleep and that’s it. He doesn’t help around house at all he sleeps all the time. He takes his phone with him everywhere he goes. Even when he takes a shower. He didn’t used to do this.

6. I’m a sahm. I don’t have access to money like I used to. He opened up a new bank account and hasn’t added me. I know the card number so I can use it sometime. Recently he added a feature where prior purchases are sent to his phone and he can’t decline them. Which he has done a couple of times

7. He’s not paying any of my bills. I have some credit cards. He has opened lines of credit in my name(some without asking) and he has stopped paying the bills the past 10 months. My credit has dropped almost 200 points. He also said he can’t afford my car payment anymore and it was recently towed. He said he will get me a new car or buy himself a motorcycle and let me drive his car since my oldest is starting kindergarten.

8. On his days off he makes excuses why needs to run important errands sporadically. Never mentions anything days prior. Excuses to leave house

9. I have found odd texts months ago and I wish I hadn’t mentioned anything to him because now he deletes everything. His calls and texts have cut down to half of the usual the past few months and I believe he has a second phone or using some type of app
If this list is true, then he is PHYSICALLY cheating on you, as in he is sleeping with her, apparently every day...

Is she married? Does she have a BF? If she does then he needs to know.

Have you confronted him with this list?

I am sorry you are here...
 
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