I think in the end what you both will find is that your marriage is forever changed. There will be some mourning over this for both of you. He is probably doing that now as I am sure this is apparent to him, but it probably will become more apparent to you as time passes. That doesn't mean it can't still survive and thrive. @Mrs. John Adams would be are resident expert on this. Hopefully she will be along to help. She has experience, but I will let her tell her story. She is also much more positive and uplifting than I am.This morning my husband said he only got that sinking feeling in his stomach once and was able to sleep ok. He has started eating again and we are talking a lot. About the affair and about the little things in life that we always used to. I in no way think that he will ever "get over this" in a way, but I am hopeful that over the next few months or even years we will be able to reconnect in a better way and continue to move forward. I am committed to him and will forever love him even if he decides at some point he can't cope with what I did to him.
One thing I would say, I would be hard pressed to think it would be better. I would advise you not to say this to him because from his perspective if he though his marriage was good to begin with and he was a good spouse you saying you want a better marriage would probably just be another slap in the face. My first question would be "what was wrong with the marriage?" Next "Is this how you tried to solve the problem?" A problem he may or may not even know existed. Finally "How will I ever have a better marriage now that I know my wife has been intimate physically with someone else? I mean are you kidding?" And if you think of it that is really counter intuitive. I would find that whole line of thinking insulting. Maybe if you said you want to be a better wife, that seems right, better marriage? Again my thinking would be "Your lucky if you get to have a marriage at all, now I have to do better? I didn't cheat!"
This line of thinking causes me to wonder was your marriage really as good as you thought or say now? I mean if you were getting drunk and hanging out all night with friends, got intimate with one of them and are now even saying you are hoping for a better marriage? Were you really blindsided or was this the inevitable end point of someone who was very unhappy and didn't deal with the problem in a healthy way. Are you now after the fact avoiding the elephant in the room. Maybe you really want out and you just feel guilty? I say that because I don't know one married women in a good marriage who is out very late with her friends getting stone drunk and watching movies. They are usually with their husbands. It needs to be said and thought about even if it's hard.
Finally hopefully he won't rug sweep as lots of men seem to want to do, especially ones who are not good at expressing their emotions. A lot of times this stuff comes back years later. But if he doesn't want to deal with it I would write out a detailed timeline while it's fresh in your mind. If it does come back there are usually questions and you won't remember what was going on. This can be a problem. Maybe journal what you are feeling so if he asks years from now you will know what to say.
I wish I could just write (It's all going to be fine, love conquers all) posts as it would be easier, but if you want a chance you got to really ask the hard questions and hear the hard answers. Infidelity is a huge life changing deal. Even if it's one night and only kissing.