New Here...Recently divorced

1201 Views 13 Replies 9 Participants Last post by DavidWYoung, Oct 31, 2012

steph110179

Discussion Starter · Oct 30, 2012

I stumbled on this forum in hopes that I could find some support. I am recently divorced for 7 months...we were married for 13 and together for total of 18 years. I am 33 years old and he was my first love. It has been a total of 1 year since things starting changing. I am just as heartbroken now as I was then. He has now since remarried and has a baby on the way. It just seems like this pain is never ending from day to day. I struggle with my emotions and feeling of loneliness. There is still so much pain and hurt. I never knew anyone could have so many emotions hit them all at once. This has been the hardest thing I have had to deal with in life. It feels like a death to me. Am I the only one with these feelings or has others felt this way too?
Stephanie

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Wazza

· #2 · Oct 30, 2012

Of course you are not the only one. Sorry for what has happened to you.

What are you doing to take care of yourself? Do you have supportive friends? Other interests you are pursuing? Do you have children? Are you exercising regularly, eating right, and staying away from too much alcohol?

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steph110179

Discussion Starter · #3 · Oct 30, 2012

I am trying to take care of myself. I have noticed that I have isolated myself from others because I feel like I am maybe in depression stages again. I just really don't want to do anything. I couldn't have children which is what makes matter worse too. I don't drink and I do eat some. I just feel so alone. I do have some friends but sometimes I think its better if I don't tell them my feelings because I know they really don't understand, does that make sense.

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BigMac

· #4 · Oct 30, 2012

You're not alone Stef ( if that will make you feel better ) . In this section we're all like you.
Stay strong and do things , gym does great for me, all the bad energy pushed out and I feel relief in my chest .

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steph110179

Discussion Starter · #5 · Oct 30, 2012

I try to pretend to be strong but when I come home from work that is when it hits me. That's when all the emotions come rushing in and the tears flow. My heart has just shattered. I would rather take physical pain than the pain of a heartbreak any day, at least you can take pain meds for physical pain but with heartache, it is always there.

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Wazza

· #6 · Oct 30, 2012

steph110179 said:
I am trying to take care of myself. I have noticed that I have isolated myself from others because I feel like I am maybe in depression stages again. I just really don't want to do anything. I couldn't have children which is what makes matter worse too. I don't drink and I do eat some. I just feel so alone. I do have some friends but sometimes I think its better if I don't tell them my feelings because I know they really don't understand, does that make sense.

Loneliness is so hard.

Steph, you need to take care of yourself. If you have a friend you feel you can confide in, do it. If you don't, well use this thread as your place to confide. You are anonymous here. It is safe. PArt of how this site works is we are here for you.

Isolating and depression are bad news. You need to pick an interest and force yourself to go out and be with others. Some sort of physical activity will help. If you are not a sports junkie try going for walks, swimming, cycling, etc.

Sorry that you can't have children, but you're not alone in that either. It may be that you can find a partner who doesn't want children, or who can't have them. Or is divorced or widowed and has kids. Point is, it's a setback but not the end of the world.

So, your next piece of homework is to give us a list of things that interest you, and let's look for ways to get you out of your shell. And it can be anything at all, but has to be something YOU want.

And try to smile, just a bit, ok? Smiling helps

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lostinspaces

· #7 · Oct 31, 2012

Sorry you are here Steph. As others have said, you are not alone and are in good company here.

Have you talked to your doctor about your depression? I am taking a 30 day supply of medication to take the edge off and it is helping me stay focused on life.

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geek down

· #8 · Oct 31, 2012

steph110179 said:
I stumbled on this forum in hopes that I could find some support. I am recently divorced for 7 months...we were married for 13 and together for total of 18 years. I am 33 years old and he was my first love. It has been a total of 1 year since things starting changing. I am just as heartbroken now as I was then. He has now since remarried and has a baby on the way. It just seems like this pain is never ending from day to day. I struggle with my emotions and feeling of loneliness. There is still so much pain and hurt. I never knew anyone could have so many emotions hit them all at once. This has been the hardest thing I have had to deal with in life. It feels like a death to me. Am I the only one with these feelings or has others felt this way too?
Stephanie

I'm in kinda the same point in my life as you.. 33, together for 18 yrs married for 5..She cheated and left me because I didn't want children(now I am sterile by choice). Its been about 7 months for me as well..Divorce is still on going and she is being a total b!tch..

Some days I thought death would feel better..I still have bad days..usually when she contacts me..You just need to rebuild yourself..I know saying that is no help, but really you need to rebuild yourself.. Get back intouch with your smile..There are alot of good people here and you have lotsa friends here too..

Its a real blow to your ego when you go through this sh!t...

Steph, you dont have to go it alone..

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steph110179

Discussion Starter · #9 · Oct 31, 2012

There were days too when I felt death would feel better. I have noticed that when I do find just a little strength they he contacts me then somehow I loose what little I had. I know its because how I still feel about him. I do know that I couldn't have made it this far without Jesus. He has been with me through all this and I know will never leave me. I want to work on rebuilding myself...I just feel like there is so much that I have lost in this whole process...more than just a marriage....

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chattycathy

· #10 · Oct 31, 2012

What you are feeling is totally normal. It is horrifying to be betrayed by a spouse. Horrifying.
It would be best to have no contact with him.
Change your phone number and email and if he ever tries to contact you........do not give him the time of day.

Time and lack of being josseled by him will help you heal from this cruel and horrific experience. Lots of time, I hate to say but it will happen and you will be able to live a wonderful life.

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lostinspaces

· #11 · Oct 31, 2012

I personally just hate that they get to move on with their lives so much quicker (mine spends a few hours a day on the phone with the posOM) ... while we struggle to catch up.

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Dewayne76

· #12 · Oct 31, 2012

Same here. I'm in such horrible pain, it's undescribable. You know it. they know it... but we all also know there are no words for it.

I hope you start to feel better soon. I'm liking the assignment, I haven't seen your list. Would you care to list things you've done in the past as a hobby or things you use to like doing? maybe something new? Give us a list.

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NoWhere

· #13 · Oct 31, 2012

You are not alone and these feelings will pass someday. Even if now it seems like someone has placed a heavy boulder on your shoulders and it is weighing you down. Just don't give up. It will feel lighter and lighter as time passes.

Can't really add much to what has already been said. Just try and think positive, even if you don't feel that way, and try to find hobbies, groups or other activities to keep you busy. Take long walks or go to the gym. etc

If you feel you are too depressed to get up and do these things. Do them anyway. They will help.

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DavidWYoung

· #14 · Oct 31, 2012

Sorry that you are part of this club. You can talk to me, I will listen!Just vent!

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