[Wishful]

Hi everyone. This is my first post. I have been dealing with some issues for a while and I needed an outlet for someone to help and I am just reaching out for a little advice.

H and I have been together for 10 years, and married for 3. We had a baby boy last year and we just celebrated his first birthday. The past 10 years haven't been easy by any means. We spent a great deal of time fighting but making up and working on our issues. We had been through marriage counseling on two different occasions and things seemed to work themselves out.

As soon as our son was born, everything seemed to get much better. They say a baby can bring you closer or tear you apart and it seemed to definitely bring us closer and feel more connected. Fast forward 6 months...

H had started getting into trading and collecting beer as a hobby. It was a slow thing at first, then it became overwhelming. Our condo was full of craft beer from all over the state that he had picked up or had shipped from other states from his friends he met online.

We had been having issues with our neighbor downstairs in the condo, and it is up for sale right now, so we planned to move into my father's house for our son to be able to have more room to play and less stress with the harassing neighbor.

In the past month, everything has fallen apart.

I moved into my father's with our son and my H remains at the condo. Basically we decided to separate for several reasons. He has anger issues and a bad temper. He is currently on Wellbutrin and Zoloft and neither of them are working properly and most of the reason is because he drinks 3+ beers a night and doesn't pay attention to the warning labels in regards to mixing alcohol with medication.

We are slowly trying to work on things, but nearly 3 weeks separated now, I don't see us getting back together.

Now I am starting to become incredibly depressed unlike ever before. Mostly with the fact that I am solely taking care of our son round the clock. He is very high energy, screams 24/7, constantly needs attention, doesn't like to be put down. I literally have to rush through my showers incase he wakes up. He doesn't sleep through the night. I am exhausted, worn out and resentful towards my H. This is making me a bitter mom and turning me into a person I never thought I would be, considering we went through months of fertility treatment just to have him.

My H tries to help but I can't even stand to be around him. Just knowing he gets to wake up at home and go to work and come back home with no responsibilities (except to come over twice a week to be with our son for a few hours) makes me so angry and frustrated. He even tried to make amends and say he'd move back in and "help" if it meant he can drink 1-2 beers a night if he felt like it. I thought he was crazy for even asking when that was one of the main reasons we split up in the first place.

I am so exhausted and I don't have a clear head. I find myself looking at other men and wondering what kind of life I would have if I didn't have to deal with him and the life I have now.

I am also finding it hard to pinpoint if it's the separation that has me bitter or a late onset of PPD. I also want to find my own apartment because living at my father's is proving to be stressful in itself.

I am lost and I am tired of crying myself to sleep every night.

 

[indiecat]

Geesh, he won't give up beer for his family? That's pretty sad and selfish of him. You badly need a break from the baby. Is your husband's temper too bad for you to trust him to babysit on Saturday's or Sundays', to give you a break?
Hang in there, if you can afford your own place that would be a good start.

 

[TeR]

I'm so sorry you're in such a hard place right now. But PLEASE don't let yourself become a bitter mommy. I've been bitter mommy and you can't take it back. That little guy has no idea why you're so frustrated and will internalize it.

You have way too much on your plate right now.
-->He's being selfish and immature Don't even consider him. Your priority needs be your little guy. If the bonehead truly wants his family back then he needs to stress over it and fight to have ya'll back.
-->You're stressing over current living conditions. It's always a blessing to have Grandma/Grandpa in your corner. You need to learn who you can trust around your child and you're probably in the safest place for him right now. Not to mention the possibility of babysitting.
-->You're sleep deprived and irratable. Concentrate on the positive times you're spending with your baby; laugh off the rest. If he wants to be held...hold him until you can nap together (gotta get creative). I know it's hard. And I know it's hard to imagine, but he will grow out of that stage. Enjoy him and bond with him. Bonehead has no idea what he's missing out on. They're only 1yr old once.

Take care of yourself and your child and everything else will fall into place. Bonehead doesn't deserve your attention right now...otherwise he would be fighting for it.

Good luck to you & God Bless.

 

[indiecat]

When your son gets just a bit older and can run you can start taking him to the park and run all that excess energy out of him!
Also, it's up to you but letting him cry for awhile and not picking him up will teach him how to comfort himself. This can be very hard to do but can make a huge difference within a few days.
Have you spoken to your MD about PPD?