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Hi, I'm 29 and married.

My husband and I have been married for just over 2 years and together for 8.

We met when i was 20 and he was 26. His ex fiancé had left him the year previous to us meeting so as you can imagine he was very wary of a new woman.

I chased and pursued him until he finally agreed to get into a realtionship with me, i have always been very affectionate in past realtionships and i was in this one until i didn't get anything back at all.. In his words 'kissing is for gays' i would hold his hand for a while and then he would wiggle free, to my knowledge I don't think we have ever walked with our arms round each other. He was very cold but i would of done anything for him to keep him happy, he didn't used to like me going out with my friends so for an easy life i stayed at home and played the perfect girlfriend.

I had our little boy at 21, everything was fine, we got engaged when he was 1 (still no affection, but kind of accepted it) sex was okay, nothing major to report until he set up his own business with his father.

At 23 years old i really stated to crave the attention, affection and appreciation. I left him for 6 months, got my own place and moved away. I missed him, he wanted me back we tried again, all was fine for a couple of months then it started to slip again. So we decided to get married, thinking it was the right thing to do and it would somehow put the missing life back into our realtionship. I used to have to shout at him and tell him to hug me. I get nothing, no communication not a thing. Then it comes to light the first time i left the business was struggling which left him very stressed, i pleased to for him to talk to me in the future as that's what I'm here for to listen and to unload on! A problem shared is a problem halved.

I'm now 29 and for the past year i have been craving the 3 A's again but to such an amount I can't see any future with my husband anymore, i know i can't change him as a person and the older i get the more i realise i want more. He is such a wonderful father, works so hard and gives me and our son a wonderful life but.. There's these factors missing, i feel ive got no connection with him anymore, no spark, we work so good as a team in the mundane LIFE day to day but when it comes to anything else we are so flat with each other.

To make matters worse, issues have stayed to happen in the bedroom which is making things more difficult for us. I feel awful as a wife as i feel we have had complete role reversal from back when we first met.. I'm the cold one now!

Any advice would be gratefully appreciated 😣
 

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You already know he won't change, and neither have you. You've just lost your desire/affection/need for the 3 A's from him.

It is unlikely to come back spontaneously in such a drought imposed by your husband.

Either accept that you no longer desire him and stay in the relationship like that, making sure you don't grow resentful, or decide to get out of the relationship and find someone who will love you the way you need, and who will accept the love you have to give.

In the bedroom, does he take time to bond with and please you, or is he just as unaffectionate there too?
 

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To make matters worse, issues have stayed to happen in the bedroom which is making things more difficult for us.
What issued have started to happen in the bedroom? Could you clarify?

I feel awful as a wife as i feel we have had complete role reversal from back when we first met.. I'm the cold one now!
That's understandable. It's a way to protect yourself emotionally.

I think it would be good for you to know what you should be able to expect in a good marriage. The fact that you stayed with him for so long and even married him when you knew that he was not affectionate indicates that you are not sure what a good relationship/marriage looks like. You would benefit from reading the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". Read them. I think you will learn a lot.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Thankyou for your reply! Sorrry for the delay I couldnt figure out how to reply on my mobile.

No, we literally have no kissing, tiny bit of foreplay and then its over as quickly as it started.

He has been trying to kiss me but now it just freaks me because I am not used to it and now it just feels forced!
 

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What issued have started to happen in the bedroom? Could you clarify?


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He has never been the longest of lovers but now it's a real issue, it's got worse, we've tried different techniques pills etc but nothing. It's one thing after another, it's dragging him down, which is causing a miserable household which then has a knock on effect of me not wanting to be at home.
 

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@Lewis2389 ~ Have the two of you ever had extensive marriage counseling and/or sexual therapy together?

It really doesn't sound like any of that has ever happened!
 

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You did choose to marry this man knowing exactly what he was like. He now seems to making an effort and you don't like it???

Please get some good marriage counselling, you may need to go for a long time. I dont see that you have any good reason to blow up his and your sons lives. Marriage isn't all about getting what we want, its about keeping you promises and vows you made to him(knowing full well the man he was) and making sure that your son has 2 full time parents.

With some good help things will improve I am sure.
 

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He needs to be honest with you and tell you why he is not giving you the “3 A’s” that you need. That you both need. Marriage counseling might help the two of you get the answers you seek.
 
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