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We have been married almost 2 years and have had some difficult times. To lay out some context, I am 26 and she is 24. She is black and I am white. She lost her mom when she was 5 and her dad when she was 20, both to cancer. She has some serious trauma from these difficult situations. Anyways we now have had trouble with her getting along with my family. Admittedly I am the type to just sweep under the rug and hope things get better. However that isn’t happening. It started when my two sisters didn’t really acknowledge our engagement. It spiraled from there and now 3 years later she is at a point where she won’t talk to any of my family and is hesitant to let me FaceTime with our 6 month old daughter. I feel like some of her pain is truly from my family who have tried seeeping under the rug and pretending like everything is fine when it’s not. I also feel like she has pain from losing both parents and acclimating with my family as the only black person on top of being disrespected is an uphill battle. I have noticed she is making more comments about how white people do certain things and they are never good. I am also going to counseling to help figure this out and I want her to as well. I’m hoping anyone in an interracial relationship has any advice. Or really anyone at all!
 

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We have been married almost 2 years and have had some difficult times. To lay out some context, I am 26 and she is 24. She is black and I am white. She lost her mom when she was 5 and her dad when she was 20, both to cancer. She has some serious trauma from these difficult situations. Anyways we now have had trouble with her getting along with my family. Admittedly I am the type to just sweep under the rug and hope things get better. However that isn’t happening. It started when my two sisters didn’t really acknowledge our engagement. It spiraled from there and now 3 years later she is at a point where she won’t talk to any of my family and is hesitant to let me FaceTime with our 6 month old daughter. I feel like some of her pain is truly from my family who have tried seeeping under the rug and pretending like everything is fine when it’s not. I also feel like she has pain from losing both parents and acclimating with my family as the only black person on top of being disrespected is an uphill battle. I have noticed she is making more comments about how white people do certain things and they are never good. I am also going to counseling to help figure this out and I want her to as well. I’m hoping anyone in an interracial relationship has any advice. Or really anyone at all!
I am chinese/english and my wife is a native new zealander. I think its definitely important to get counseling for trauma, my wife didnt and we have suffered for it. Understanding culture differences is crucial too as white people tend to be more non confrontational where as other cultures are more ruthless and dont stand for bs. Your wife needs to see that she is your number 1 and that YOU wont stand bs. Always choose her over your family, she needs to feel like she belongs with you. Give your family a good bollocking if they arnt accepting. Your family are blood they have to get over it. It may take time for her to feel accepted with your family but your NEW family should be priority
 

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It spiraled from there and now 3 years later she is at a point where she won’t talk to any of my family and is hesitant to let me FaceTime with our 6 month old daughter.
Why on earth do you two have a 6 month old daughter that you;re "not allowed" to Facetime? This makes no sense.

And any man who says he's "not allowed" to do something because his mommy/wife "won't let him" needs to find his spine.
 

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So she knows your weak and was not able to stand up for her. In the beginning. And when you failed to protect her at the beginning of your relationship it set the tone.

So your family is/has racial issues, and because of your continued failure of protection. You are will to allow your daughter to face the same. It's no wonder why.

You must be separated, and I would also stand with your wife. Quit rationalizing because of her loss of parents. Her thoughts is if they were alive she would have them to understand and accept the child regardless of who the father was and is. What can you do, man up forsake your family. If not accept the reality of your wife's thought process. Until or if this is addressed, accept this as truth.

You need to grow a pair, be a man who loved a woman, and if you didn't just do this to rebel against your family or did you do this for this very reason. Make your stand against the your family. Or leave it alone.

You must defend your woman, you know the one you chose. Forsake all others who don't love her and your child like she deserves.
 
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