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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello all! I'm new this this site and my marital problems are what lead me to this point. Here's the deal:
I'm a 22 year old mother of 1 and I've been married since 12/1/07. My husband and I were only together for a short time before we decided to get married and I assume that could be a major reason we are having problems. I work full time, I come home clean, cook and do all the domestic stuff as well as try to maintain a positive living environment for my family. My biggest problems stem from my husband's ATTITUDE, JEALOUS NATURE and over all INSECURITIES! He has guidelines by which he feels I should follow out of respect for my marriage and for him. These guidelines consist of my clothing, who I talk to, where I go, etc. For the most part I conform, only because I can see reason in most of his "guidelines", but sometimes I think he takes it too far. Then when I contest something he threatens to divorce me, says I'm being disrespectful to him, so on and so forth. I'm trying to exhaust every resource I can find to help up last, as I love my husband and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don't know how long I can hang on. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!
 

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next time he threatens divorce I would look him square in the eyes and say "okay" then turn back to whatever you were doing. The point is he is controlling and manipulating you, so that he can "keep" you to himself.

draconis
 

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It almost sounds like the two of you need to seperate. Not divorce but maybe seperate for a bit. Start dating and actualy get to know each other. By the sounds of your post it seams you two might have rushed into things kinda fast. What ever happend to getting to know some one, there good sides, there bad sides, there temper and humor before saying I do. This seams to be quite the commen problem in marriages these days. To much in a hurry. Ahhh I guess it is that instant satisfaction thing. Some how the two of you need to learn what the other expects out of the marriage and see if it suits both of you, not just him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
It almost sounds like the two of you need to seperate. Not divorce but maybe seperate for a bit. Start dating and actualy get to know each other. By the sounds of your post it seams you two might have rushed into things kinda fast. What ever happend to getting to know some one, there good sides, there bad sides, there temper and humor before saying I do. This seams to be quite the commen problem in marriages these days. To much in a hurry. Ahhh I guess it is that instant satisfaction thing. Some how the two of you need to learn what the other expects out of the marriage and see if it suits both of you, not just him.



I must say I almost 100% agree with you! Only thing is.... I should have put up the red flag in the beginning, he's always been somewhat controlling. I justified it based on his previous relationship experiences and issues with his mother growing up. I was just infatuated with the idea of finally finding that someone I believed I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
 

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And you may have found that person but, you may still need to back up and start over a bit. Both of you need to share your ideas of what a life long commitment mean to each other. Nothing wrong with trying to make it work and or make it better.
 

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Hello all! I'm new this this site and my marital problems are what lead me to this point. Here's the deal:
I'm a 22 year old mother of 1 and I've been married since 12/1/07. My husband and I were only together for a short time before we decided to get married and I assume that could be a major reason we are having problems. I work full time, I come home clean, cook and do all the domestic stuff as well as try to maintain a positive living environment for my family. My biggest problems stem from my husband's ATTITUDE, JEALOUS NATURE and over all INSECURITIES! He has guidelines by which he feels I should follow out of respect for my marriage and for him. These guidelines consist of my clothing, who I talk to, where I go, etc. For the most part I conform, only because I can see reason in most of his "guidelines", but sometimes I think he takes it too far. Then when I contest something he threatens to divorce me, says I'm being disrespectful to him, so on and so forth. I'm trying to exhaust every resource I can find to help up last, as I love my husband and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don't know how long I can hang on. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!
Long term individual therapy for him is the only answer. Like with substance abuse if he can get to the point where has admits he has a problem then therapy can work. Even if he doesn't admit it after a few counseling sessions with the right counselor that may change.Right now he may feel these emotions are natural.
If he doesn't come to grips with these demons inside of him he will never change. Everything points to his bad relationship with his mother. He didn't build trust in her so now he doesn't trust you. It's all in the subconsious.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Long term individual therapy for him is the only answer. Like with substance abuse if he can get to the point where has admits he has a problem then therapy can work. Even if he doesn't admit it after a few counseling sessions with the right counselor that may change.Right now he may feel these emotions are natural.
If he doesn't come to grips with these demons inside of him he will never change. Everything points to his bad relationship with his mother. He didn't build trust in her so now he doesn't trust you. It's all in the subconsious.


That's a great point. I was thinking that also the only thing is getting him to admit he has a problem. When I try to point out to him where our issues stem from he gets defensive and says that I'm just blaming everything on him. I'm thinking maybe couples counseling and maybe that will help us to bring out what his problems are and get him to recognize them. Thanks!!!:iagree:
 

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That's a great point. I was thinking that also the only thing is getting him to admit he has a problem. When I try to point out to him where our issues stem from he gets defensive and says that I'm just blaming everything on him. I'm thinking maybe couples counseling and maybe that will help us to bring out what his problems are and get him to recognize them. Thanks!!!:iagree:
Yes,
The marriage counseling idea is good. Don't even imply that it's about him. Maybe he will gain some insight that inspires him into more therapy. The problem with marriage counseling by itself is that those deep inner individual feelings may not come out. There are pros and cons in the counseling field to this view but that's the way I see it. In a perfect world he should get at least 12-18 individual sessions then the 2 of you might consider marriage counseling. Keep in mind that few people function at 100% so getting counseling for yourself isn't a bad idea.
 
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