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83 Posts
labor day weekend started the whole train wreck....i stumbled onto some texts and discovered an affair........she confessed to it and said it had been roughly a year or so.....prior to this discovery we had a lengthy fight and she spilled her guts to me about how upset she was with me and some of my shortcomings.....when i heard these words i made a monumental effort to change myself and become a better person fer myself her and our kids......she told me she had essentially checked out and was wanting a divorce......i Promised to change my ways and HAVE and she has noticed and is happy with it........however Ive caught her 3 other times texting and talking to him and caught them hooking up......she has ASSURED me she has stopped contact to see if the marriage can be repaired......we have both begun counciling but not sure for her motives....if it s a marriage fix or a personal flaw fix.......it seems i get such conflicting messages from her........one minute all loving caring and the next cold and distant......its very hard......Ive lost 30 pounds since that day i found out.........i want to trust her......actually i want to hate her for what shes done...but i cant.....I am so in love with her....we have a history....18 years......i work for her family...we live in a small town.....she says she loves me but not in love with me.....and that tears me up.......the fact that Im still here gives me hope that I can win her heart back......ive promised her a way differnet future that the one we were looking at before all this......I feel like i have no control......how do i do it? How do i get the mental images of this guy on my wife.....how do i not get frustrated when i see her erase texts and messages right away after recieving them.....i want to trust her...i have to trust her.......Ive been told to man up about it and move on.....but its not ever that easy is it? My pastor and my councilor both say time and trust are whats needed......this is a very hard pill to swallow......all im looking for is a sliver of hope now....some sign that she is dedicating herself to our family and is ready to work on it......yet she cant........she says she has confusing feeling about the other man yet and says now its not about him and her its about her finding herself.....Im along for the ride now....Ive told her i forgive her even though she has never asked me to......I tell her I love her and she replies I know...and im sorry.....im praying to God that she lets me back in her heart so i can be the man i know i can be for her and our kids......when did marriages become disposable items.........Till death do us part......richer poorer good times and bad........i dont understand