K first, this isn't your fault, got it.
second, you don't really forgive until you are ready to forgive, its for you, not her.
third, trust has to be earned, not demanded. Total and complete transparency on her part. She doesn't get to erase her ****, only you do. You wanna see the phone, she hands it over, no questions asked.
Fourth, she isn't giving you the phone, and she is confused about her feelings because the POSOM is still in the picture. You demand NO CONTACT, ever, for any reason. She writes a nc letter, you review it and send it. Then you follow up to make sure she abides by it.
Expose the affair far and wide in your little town. To family friends, and above all else, to the other man's significant other, if he has one. You have nothing to be ashamed about, and letting others know helps destroy the fantasy world that the affair exists in. **** gets real, very fast.
Be prepared to divorce if your wife stays stupid. If she had no consequences, she has no respect, no respect means no marriage.
Your marriage can recover, she can regain the love for you, you can reconnect as partners, but it is not easy. If you want to give your marriage a chance, you need to get tough. You might think this will only push her away, but it's too late already, she is away already. You need to be prepared to kill the marriage to have any hope of having anything worth saving.
Sorry you're here. Stick around, read, ask questions, get some backbone, and act in your own best interest.