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Why men should never get married: (or why marriage is obsolete in the 21st Century)

1. As a young man, you're on your own. Society divides and conquers. Unlike women who have advocates looking out for them (NOW, Women's Study Departments, government, non-profit organizations, political advocacy groups) almost no one is looking out for you.

2. Don't believe the crap about the patriarchy. More women are accepted and attend college. More degrees are awarded to women than men. Women outlive men. More men commit suicide. Men are twice as likely to be victims of violence, including murder. If you consider sexual assaults in prisons, twice as many men are raped as women (society thinks prison rape is funny). The streets are littered with homeless men, sprinkled with a few homeless women. Statically, women are happier than men. The myth that girls are being cheated by are educational system is belied by the fact that schools are bastions of femininity, mostly run by and taught by women. Girls outperform boys in school. It is the boys in school getting ****ed over, and prescribed ritalin for being boys. Real wages for men are falling, while real wages for women are rising. Just because someone says something enough times, doesn't make it true. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

3. Society will try and make you feel guilty for wanting sex. From grade school forward, we are told that men think about sex 3000 times a day. There is a widespread believe that men cheat on their girlfriends/spouses more than women do. The fact is, women cheat just as much as men do, they are just better at not getting caught. Recent studies using college students prove that throughout the day, men think about food more than sex, and women think about sex almost as much as men do.

4. Divorce rates are above 50% in most states. No couple goes into a marriage thinking "hey, we are going to get divorced", yet over 50% of them end up getting divorced. As a man, you are at a distinct disadvantage in Family Courts across America. Judges for the most part award custody of children to the women, and by and large, alimony payments are being paid by men and are being received by women.

5. In divorce and separation the law has absolutely no tolerance for male anger, threats, or withholding of support. The law does very little to hinder typical female parental alienation, or withholding of access.

6. For women a comfortable lifestyle means money. For men it means sex, a well cared for home, and a good meal. After divorce women have the right to the financial support of their husbands so they don’t suffer a decrease in lifestyle. Men have no comparable guarantee.

7. After divorce women can use alimony to go back to school and pursue their dreams. After divorce men are prohibited from going back to school and pursuing their dreams unless going to school doesn’t reduce alimony payments.

8. After some years of marriage, a woman will have to be supported for the rest of her life if she bails on the marriage.

9. Marriage is the only modern day legal equivalent of a 'debtors prison'. As a man, if you fail to make alimony or child support payments (even if you do not have the financial means to do so), you can be thrown in jail. There is no other legal contract that could force a person into jail for the inability to pay his debts, other than marriage.

10. Marriage is the only legal contract where one party can unilaterally breach the contract and at the same time receive financial compensation (alimony) for not living up to their part of the contract. In any area of law (other than marriage/family law), the penalty would be assessed to the party breaking the contract.

10. Children: It is a myth that you have to be married to have children.

11. Marriage today (some call it Marriage 2.0) is not what it was throughout history and up until 50 (or even 25) years ago (Marriage 1.0). The legal definition of marriage has been altered and changed so significantly from just two decades ago, that it shouldn't even be called marriage anymore. Today's marriage is a one-sided contract conferring significant advantage to one party, and allowing one party to unilaterally breach the contract and make out like a bandit. In no other area of contract law would such a contract stand up to legal scrutiny, but in Family court, this is the norm.

12. Paternity laws in almost every state have a 'conclusive' presumption of paternity, and will screw you over if you are married. As a married man, if your wife has an affair and gives birth to a child that is not yours, you have a short period of time (from the birth of the child) to file for a paternity test and file a legal claim the child is not yours. If you fail to do this within this short period of time after the child's birth (even if you didn't know the child was not yours, or your wife duped you into believing it was yours), you are still responsible for the financial welfare of that child until he/she becomes an adult. In some states, its even worse, as there is no time period where you could disclaim the child, if a woman is married at the time she gives birth, the legal husband is considered the father in the eyes of the law, regardless of whether the child is his or not. The man with whom your wife had the affair with has no financial responsibility for his own child, because he was smart enough not to be married to her. As screwed up as that sounds, if your wife ever then divorces you, you will be required to pay child support for a child that is not yours. It is estimated that there are over 1.6 million men paying child-support for a child that is not biologically theirs, many men finding out months or years later, that the child was not theirs and having no legal recourse. It has long been thought that about 10% of children born in marriages do not belong to the husband, but recent major studies carried out at blood banks show that number to be closer to 30%. (1.6M Men Pay Child Support For Kids That Aren't Theirs (DNA))

13. Roughly 12% of men who refuse to pay child support do so because they are not the father. (There are many more who pay, even though they are not the father of the child, because these men do not want to deal with the penalties of not paying). Yet when a man doesn't pay support for a child that he has proven is not his progeny, under current law and practice, he is labeled a "Deadbeat Dad," and his drivers and other professional licenses are taken away (making it almost impossible for him to work), and then he is thrown in jail for contempt of court. That often occurs without a hearing and certainly without a jury trial. A man can get out of prison for murder based on DNA evidence but can't get out of child support payments or jail based on the same conclusive evidence. If these men never got married in the first place, many of them wouldn't be in jail or punished.

14. The myth that these laws apply to both men and women equally is just that.. a myth. Men overwhelmingly pay alimony in divorce settlements, and women overwhelmingly receive alimony. In 2006, only 2.4% of the recipients of alimony were men.

15. Saving Taxes: In most cases, you will pay more in taxes rather than less by being married. Especially if both spouses work.

16. And finally, don't hate women. It's a waste of time. You should treat them nicely and respect them. Just never marry.
 

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Women often talk about men's 'fear of commitment'; however, the facts paint a different picture with 75% of divorces now being filed by women.

Any intelligent, rational man would come to the same conclusion and not subject himself to the very significant risk of lifetime alimony, paternity fraud, one-sided alimony, non-enforcement of visitation rights and loss of custody.

In my opinion, this is a shame, as many respectable and intelligent men would like to marry; however, the risks and costs of divorce far out weight any benefit of marriage for men. I mean by a huge margin.
 

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This website attracts a lot of the jaded, scorned, and cynical, people who are hurting, or have been hurt, by the scars of bad marriages and bad choices. It isn't a remotely unbiased look at marriage.

Having said that, look around. There are a lot of people here, myself included, who absolutely love being married, or in long term relationships.
Its great that you find yourself in a happy marriage. Statistics tell us, you are in the minority, so congratulations for beating the odds.

There is nothing inherently wrong with marriage. The problem is, if ever the marriage were to dissolve, the man shoulders a disproportionate amount of the blame and financial burden.

An unbiased look at marriage means looking at the statistics without emotional bias. Here in the US, this tells us that statistically most marriages are doomed to fail. It also tells us that 75% of the time, it will be the women who initiates the divorce, and out of all alimony awards, 92% of the time, the women will be on the receiving end of alimony. Furthermore, it is quite clearly evident, that marriage laws disproportionately punish men.

I've nothing against marriage; however, marriage today (now known as Marriage 2.0) is not the same marriage that we knew a generation or two ago. As a college educated young man, the potential downside of Marriage 2.0 far outweighs any possible benefits to me and (I believe) most every young man. There are no businesses that would sign such a disproportionate business contract, so why should people sign such a contract? Its a shame, because growing up, I admired my parents and their marriage.

What it boils down to is this: There is no rational or logical reason for a male (at any age) to get married. A man can enjoy the benefits of a relationship, children and more without subjecting himself to a possible lifetime of financial servitude. One can only assume the reason men continue to marry is purely emotional.
 

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My point was, his options with pre-nup are limited as they cohabited from the times he was a broke student. But I expect he can afford all the lawyers in the world.
Prenups are routinely voided in Family court. Really, the only way to avoid this mess in the first place is to not subject yourself to such a lop-sided contract in the first place (ie. do not get married).
 
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