Nervous about marriage

1715 Views 13 Replies 9 Participants Last post by 3Xnocharm, Dec 3, 2012

Figaro

Discussion Starter · Dec 3, 2012

Hello everyone, this is my first post. I'm getting married soon and I'm very nervous about it. It's starting to affect me physically too, I'm getting unwell.

I love my gf very much. We're both in our 30s but I'm getting most nervous about this because of sex. I have had many gfs in the past, my gf has not had many bfs, and I just can't imagine having sex with one girl forever in spite of the fact that my fiance is gorgeous with an incredible body (and no desire for kids which for me is a massive bonus). So it's really to do with frequency of sex. My sex drive is very high and more than most gfs I've had. I'm just worried that I will not 'get enough', and as I get older it's getting worse not better! How best to deal with this? Also, her view on sex is quite naive compared to mine (wants it all to be all moonlit romance, nothing experimental unlike me).

I think if I got sex as much as I need/want I would be ecstatic but it's so hard for me (maybe I have a problem? :scratchhead

and I know there are other girls out there with high sex drives but they also seem to come with a load of issues (in my experience). So what shall I do here?

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DT4379

· #2 · Dec 3, 2012

Please talk to her immediately about your concerns..I was in the same situation and felt my fiance didnt wnat sex as much as me but it was all a misunderstanding and now we do things together and although its still hard to talk about I knwo now its better to get things out in the open..We are getting married this month and I told him Saturday night a few of my concerns andwe worked it out..Just my 2 cents here but I hope you can talk to her

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Figaro

Discussion Starter · #3 · Dec 3, 2012

Hi, thanks for the reply. Yes, I have talked to her about this a couple of times. Maybe more. She has told me what she wants and what would make her want more sex (i.e. my working out, basically). I have a good body certainly but she wants it to be more muscly, and I am happy to do that. Being turned on is mostly psychological after all, I feel. About a year ago I was working out a lot and got injured and when I was looking great she did want me more, so we will see how this goes. I just hope that this is something that will work long-term.

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DT4379

· #4 · Dec 3, 2012

She has to love you for you no matter what happens in life...Sounds like she may be to much into herself or all about looks...My finace is by no means the GQ man of the world but he has a good heart and thats something I had to learn about him....Also try working out together maybe..You sound like a good guy who truly loves her so I hope you can work something out....

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Figaro

Discussion Starter · #5 · Dec 3, 2012

Well, the thing is we both think similarly in this way. I'm very picky when it comes to girls and my last gf was very beautiful as well but when she put on more weight I got less attracted to her and went off her a bit. We actually ended up breaking up. So me and my fiance both have the same mindset here and I totally agree with her viewpoint. I think loving someone for who they are is all very well, but you must do your best to look great too, both for yourself and for them. It is equally important to us.

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unbelievable

· #6 · Dec 3, 2012

It's cute how you assume you'll still be having sex after you're married. She might look like the sexiest woman on earth. She's one illness or major accident away from looking pretty scary. You are, too. Whatever either of you looks like, that will change drastically over the years even if you remain healthy. Don't fall in love or marry the package. Her character is more important, longer lasting, and you'll spend far more time dealing with her character than with her vagina.

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DT4379

· #7 · Dec 3, 2012

unbelievable said:
It's cute how you assume you'll still be having sex after you're married. She might look like the sexiest woman on earth. She's one illness or major accident away from looking pretty scary. You are, too. Whatever either of you looks like, that will change drastically over the years even if you remain healthy. Don't fall in love or marry the package. Her character is more important, longer lasting, and you'll spend far more time dealing with her character than with her vagina.

Well said !!!!!!!!!!!!!:iagree:

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PEACEMAKER89

· #8 · Dec 3, 2012

I don't feel like you're ready to commit...Take your time test the waters and practice safe sex.I feel 5yrs from now you'll be saying the same thing.My sex drive is high also,I learn how to please myself.Sit down and have a talk with self and ask youself
is it sex or is it just me,what do I really want.:smthumbup:

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SlowlyGettingWiser

· #9 · Dec 3, 2012

you'll spend far more time dealing with her character than with her vagina.

THIS is God's honest truth here...treat it like Gospel or YOUR MARRIAGE is going to tank in less than 10 years! (and I'm probably being generous there)

JMHO

TOO BAD I could only "like" your post once, unbelievable, cuz it is SO SPOT ON!!!!!!!!!!

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Memento

· #10 · Dec 3, 2012

It definitely seems to me that you do have a big problem.
You are extremely concerned with your own needs, but not your girlfriends. Also seems like your "love" for her is based on her "incredible body" and "not wanting kids". I am wondering what will happen when she ages and her sex drive is still lower than yours.

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Soifon

· #11 · Dec 3, 2012 (Edited)

So you got injured and couldn't work out, lost a bit of muscle and she didn't want sex as much? So what happens if you get injured permanently? She won't want you sexually anymore if you can't work out to her standards? You may both have the same mindset but it isn't a mindset the breeds healthy loving relationships. You can absolutely say that you prefer good looking people and people who are healthy but you also have to have a deeper connection that would supersede looks because they do not last forever.

But to answer your question, what you should do is sit down and really think of why you asked her to marry you. What would you do if the two of you lost all of your money? What if she accidentally got pregnant and never got that incredible body back. You get into a car accident and can't work out, would she stay by you and still love you and want you? You have a lot of deeper thinking to do.

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Enginerd

· #12 · Dec 3, 2012

You are cleary not meant to be married. Life is messy and you will go without sex at times during a lasting marriage. Why bother if a there will be no kids and you have such superficial values?

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unbelievable

· #13 · Dec 3, 2012

Drinking milk doesn't require much sacrifice or commitment. Being a dairy farmer for the rest of your life, does.

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3Xnocharm

· #14 · Dec 3, 2012

IMO...you are NOT ready for marriage! If your mindset is already on what you MIGHT be missing out on should you marry, and looks are your primary concern, you will not be worth a damn as a husband. Same for her as a wife...a muscular body on a man means nothing if he is a selfish jerk. There is more to sex than just bodies knocking together, and marriage is more than just sex.

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