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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
If you've read this forum long enuf, you know men complain about not enuf sex or HOW they get sex (meaning they have to initiate most of the time). Women complain he wants it too much, or isn't satisfied that she DOES have sex bcuz she loves hum, but not bcuz she is gagging for it.

Statistically, it would seem these scenarios are all too common. Not to say these are optimal situations, but if the man is getting it & she isn't turning you down, but being a GOOD wife & partner & participating when the ball gets rolling, it comes off as ungrateful for having someone who loves you do something to enhance the marriage bcuz she doesn't wanna rip your clothes off.

Seems like men want us to accept their porn habits & fantasies about other women bcuz it's "their nature." After having babies, maybe working, and running a household, most women lose their drive & don't need sex. They do it BCUZ they love you. It's our nature (from reading these forums, at least).

Why is it ok for your nature to rule w/ no empathy or understanding of ours? If we aren't ready to swallow a bucket of c*m or do something freaky, we are prudes or liars due to a bait & switch.

If we both accept what is and work together to meet in the middle, isn't that best for the marriage & the family?
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Life is more than sex.
That's what THOSE people say. But guess what, you can only choose what life is for YOU. You don't get to choose what's important in life for anyone else.

If the fact is that one of use is going to feel like garbage....either me for being rejected or placated, or her for being inadequate, then why should I be the one to feel like garbage? Especially if I was the one to feel like garbage for being rejected for years? When is it her turn to feel like garbage? Which is the selfish one?
 

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First, this isn't just a guy thing, there have been women complaining of the same thing.

Secondly, i think it matters how much of a difference there is. If the wife wants sex once every two months, yeah, I think that's grounds to be a bit *****y as a man. Few guys sign up for that.

Third, 'duty' sex (which I assume you are referring to) is fine if done with enthusiasm, something which has been pointed out many times around here. We like sex with enthusiasm. We don't like it when you sigh, lay in the bed, say "hurry up" and start counting ceiling tiles.

And finally, yes, men do like having their sexual needs serviced in general. Just like women like have their financial and security needs met, in general. Would most women like it if we only paid the bills once every few months, *****ed about how much they spend on things, that they don't buy us things and in general ***** about everything to do with money, work and whatever else we provide? Is working and helping out around house not enough?

The coin goes both ways, depending on the issue. Men want a happy, fulfilling sex life the same as women want other things. A good marriage is about finding out what your partner wants and needs and striving to fulfill that. If that's not for you, then don't get married and have sex only when you feel the need to go get it. Nobody made you put a ring on your finger.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I think occasionally in most marriages a woman starts counting ceiling tiles no matter how "good" it/he is. That's just life - just like drives & people's bodies, attitudes & women's hormones changing. Meeting needs is the point of marriage. But, why look a gift horse in the mouth on either side?
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So, not only should I accept duty sex; but I should also be grateful for it. Good luck with that. I'd rather leave and find someone who's into me.
She is making a point similar to what I was trying to.

The fact that the person you love is making an effort should amount to something.

Maybe it isn't ideal but maybe her love language isn't sex. It really cannot be said "because she isn't tripping over her vaginal juices to get to me, she isn't into me."

She can love you just fine and just not want sex as much as you do.

That's all, not trying to start a fight.
 
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She is making a point similar to what I was trying to.

The fact that the person you love is making an effort should amount to something.

Maybe it isn't ideal but maybe her love language isn't sex. It really cannot be said "because she isn't tripping over her vaginal juices to get to me, she isn't into me."

She can love you just fine and just not want sex as much as you do.

That's all, not trying to start a fight.
Why should that matter? What good is that love if it is not in a language that your partner receives? If you need deep conversation, and your partner jsut wants sex, do you still feel that love? After all, he is trying in the language that works for him? Would that mean something?

Of course not. Nor should it. Your spouse should seek to meet your needs, not their own, and vice versa. Otherwise, you are not meeting their needs.
 

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Honeysuckle rose, we men have our needs to feel cherished as well when it comes to marriage. And it's not just sex. Knowing you can satisfy a woman and knowing she appreciates you for ALL your love is also very important for a man.
 

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Why should that matter? What good is that love if it is not in a language that your partner receives? If you need deep conversation, and your partner jsut wants sex, do you still feel that love? After all, he is trying in the language that works for him? Would that mean something?

Of course not. Nor should it. Your spouse should seek to meet your needs, not their own, and vice versa. Otherwise, you are not meeting their needs.
If you tell her you have concerns about sex and she STEPS UP and starts sleeping with you, it isn't really fair to keep *****ing about it w/out giving her any credit.

You can't expect someone to go from zero to doing a porn star move in a day.

And are you saying men only feel love through sex?

Because in that case, my 16 year old little brother LOVES the entire cheerleading squad.

She CANNOT MAKE HERSELF WANT SEX AS MUCH AS YOU DO. She can only control her ACTION in an attempt to please you. That is the OP's point.
 
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Statistically, it would seem these scenarios are all too common. Not to say these are optimal situations, but if the man is getting it & she isn't turning you down, but being a GOOD wife & partner & participating when the ball gets rolling, it comes off as ungrateful for having someone who loves you do something to enhance the marriage bcuz she doesn't wanna rip your clothes off.Posted via Mobile Device
I won't disagree with a word that you have written, and yet it still seems like you tone misses the point.

Looking again at my example of someone needing quality time, would it be acceptable if your spouse repeated yawned, looked the other way, zoned out and was generally uninterested as they conversed? If they tried to avoid it, communicated through body language that they were just trying to get through it, did it the minimum number of times, and were going through the motions? I think we all could agree that even though they are trying out of love, they are not really meeting your needs.

Sex for many men is no different. I think most recognize that their wife will go through cycles when it is just not humming along. But when a cycle lasts a couple of years, and attempts to discuss have been met with empty promises, it can be frustrating.

Just as frustrating, I suspect, as when other needs are not met.
 

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If you've read this forum long enuf, you know men complain about not enuf sex or HOW they get sex (meaning they have to initiate most of the time). Women complain he wants it too much, or isn't satisfied that she DOES have sex bcuz she loves hum, but not bcuz she is gagging for it.

Statistically, it would seem these scenarios are all too common. Not to say these are optimal situations, but if the man is getting it & she isn't turning you down, but being a GOOD wife & partner & participating when the ball gets rolling, it comes off as ungrateful for having someone who loves you do something to enhance the marriage bcuz she doesn't wanna rip your clothes off.

Seems like men want us to accept their porn habits & fantasies about other women bcuz it's "their nature." After having babies, maybe working, and running a household, most women lose their drive & don't need sex. They do it BCUZ they love you. It's our nature (from reading these forums, at least).

Why is it ok for your nature to rule w/ no empathy or understanding of ours? If we aren't ready to swallow a bucket of c*m or do something freaky, we are prudes or liars due to a bait & switch.

If we both accept what is and work together to meet in the middle, isn't that best for the marriage & the family?
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I really fail to see an issue with this post.

As long as she isn't being a huffy ***** about it, what is the problem with her making an effort out of love?

She can't MAKE herself horny. If she only had sex when she was horny, there wouldn't be enough sex and we'd be back to square one. At some point...cut the other person some slack if they're trying.
 
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If you tell her you have concerns about sex and she STEPS UP and starts sleeping with you, it isn't really fair to keep *****ing about it w/out giving her any credit.

You can't expect someone to go from zero to doing a porn star move in a day.
Never said she had to. And depending upon how she sleeps with me, then yes, I would give my wife credit.

And are you saying men only feel love through sex?

Because in that case, my 16 year old little brother LOVES the entire cheerleading squad.
You have a lot to learn about men and sex, particularly as the age and are involved in a long term relationship. I don't mean that as a put down, as I did not learn it or understand it until I was older than you. For me, sex is the best way for me to receive love from my wife. I understand and feel it in the other ways she gives me, but sex is number one for me. It is not just the physical, but the emotional initimacy that I share with no other person on the planet. That is what makes it so important to many men. It is their woman accepting them and showing them love.

She CANNOT MAKE HERSELF WANT SEX AS MUCH AS YOU DO. She can only control her ACTION in an attempt to please you. That is the OP's point.
And I disagre. I think there are steps she can take that may help the process along. One of them is to be open and honest with her husband, which is something she is having great difficulties with (not without reason). Nothing works at all times for all people, but there are things that can help some people that are worth exploring.
 

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I really fail to see an issue with this post.

As long as she isn't being a huffy ***** about it, what is the problem with her making an effort out of love?

She can't MAKE herself horny. If she only had sex when she was horny, there wouldn't be enough sex and we'd be back to square one. At some point...cut the other person some slack if they're trying.
I was just having an argument about this kind of thing this morning. You say that you can't make yourself horny, but the fact is that if you were with the right guy then you would be horny. Which is proof that a woman in that situation simply isn't that into her man. My wife keeps insisting that she is into me totally. I told her this morning, I'll only believe her actions. The words are meaningless without action to back them up.
 

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My wife keeps insisting that she is into me totally. I told her this morning, I'll only believe her actions. The words are meaningless without action to back them up.
Agreed, my wife can say all the ILUs she wants, but in the end do I feel it having been treated like a c--k for the last 4 years? Nope

BS is BS
 

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Never said she had to. And depending upon how she sleeps with me, then yes, I would give my wife credit.



You have a lot to learn about men and sex, particularly as the age and are involved in a long term relationship. I don't mean that as a put down, as I did not learn it or understand it until I was older than you. For me, sex is the best way for me to receive love from my wife. I understand and feel it in the other ways she gives me, but sex is number one for me. It is not just the physical, but the emotional initimacy that I share with no other person on the planet. That is what makes it so important to many men. It is their woman accepting them and showing them love.



And I disagre. I think there are steps she can take that may help the process along. One of them is to be open and honest with her husband, which is something she is having great difficulties with (not without reason). Nothing works at all times for all people, but there are things that can help some people that are worth exploring.

I understand there is an intimate side to sex but every time a man wants sex, there isn't emotion behind it. He's just good ol' fashioned horny, which is totally fine, but you can't get mad a woman for not being horny in the same way you are.

You poke her in the back with your morning wood and she says no.

Problem.

Same scenario but she says yes but it's clear she isn't DYING for it.

Also a problem.

Where is the win? At what point does get it right? Genuine
concern.

For instance, I hate morning sex. But I was told it was selfish of me to never give him morning sex. So fine, if I give it to him it won't be cause I have a physical desire to do it. It's like a no win.
 
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