Hi everyone, I used this site in the past when my husband left me and we eventually got divorced and I got some really helpful advice and support from others going through divorce too....
and now things have changed so much in my life, I'm not sure my direction and I'm wondering if anyone can help me out with some advice?
My husband left me after 8 years of marriage - that was almost exactly 2 years ago. I'm 32 now. He had an affair (at least 1, but probably more), I found it really hard to cope with and I got left with lots of unanswered questions that made getting closure very difficult. I had some time off work because I got pretty depressed and I had counselling and antidepressants. We got divorced in April this year, which was about 18 months after he left. I've got myself together bit by bit. I decided to go for a big career change and 2 months ago I've started a new job and also moved house (out of where I used to live with my ex) to a different part of my city living alone in my own place.
The new job is going well - it's a huge change but I'm liking it so far and the new flat is alright. I also started a new relationship about a year ago (whilst I was getting divorced) with a man who has a very good heart, but in many ways is not compatible with me for 'long term'. I knew that when we started dating - I was just looking for some fun but then he grew on me and we stayed together. He is a good person and I love him, just that we are very different and I know the relationship doesn't have longevity if I'm being honest with myself.
My problems are these:
I really desperately want to get married again and have a family. I feel that time is ticking on me and I'm so scared I won't meet a man to have a family with. I look around and can't seem to see anyone...they all seem married already! I don't think the fact on being in a relationship is stopping me keeping my eyes open to possibilities and I do try to get out and about in situations were I am meeting new people. I just feel so worried about getting the chance to find the right man to have kids with.....it makes me feel very lonely and I'm scared of ending up alone.
what makes it really hard is that most of my girlfriends are now married with 1 or 2 small kids - they never have time to meet up (understandably) and it leaves me feeling unwanted. My sister is also now pregnant with her second child - my parents are constantly going on about my niece (thier first grandchild) and I just can't help feeling jealous and left out - I know it's wrong - I love my sister and my niece and my parents too - but I just feel side lined. my sister lives in another country and my parents are constantly out there to see her and my niece.
I think the net result of my divorce is that I feel pretty lonely and rejected. I've worked really hard to try and re-build my live, I know it takes time, but why am I still not feeling settled - is it normal? I still miss my ex-husband - not so much him/the relationship - but being married and belonging - i was very close to his family too and I really miss them loads - I can't see them because they live on another continent so that's very hard.
Please any thoughts anyone? Any advice on how to keep moving forward would be very much appreciated! I feel like the experience of losing my husband and the divorce should all be behind me by now and it isn't - I feel stuck and i'm not sure what to do
and now things have changed so much in my life, I'm not sure my direction and I'm wondering if anyone can help me out with some advice?
My husband left me after 8 years of marriage - that was almost exactly 2 years ago. I'm 32 now. He had an affair (at least 1, but probably more), I found it really hard to cope with and I got left with lots of unanswered questions that made getting closure very difficult. I had some time off work because I got pretty depressed and I had counselling and antidepressants. We got divorced in April this year, which was about 18 months after he left. I've got myself together bit by bit. I decided to go for a big career change and 2 months ago I've started a new job and also moved house (out of where I used to live with my ex) to a different part of my city living alone in my own place.
The new job is going well - it's a huge change but I'm liking it so far and the new flat is alright. I also started a new relationship about a year ago (whilst I was getting divorced) with a man who has a very good heart, but in many ways is not compatible with me for 'long term'. I knew that when we started dating - I was just looking for some fun but then he grew on me and we stayed together. He is a good person and I love him, just that we are very different and I know the relationship doesn't have longevity if I'm being honest with myself.
My problems are these:
I really desperately want to get married again and have a family. I feel that time is ticking on me and I'm so scared I won't meet a man to have a family with. I look around and can't seem to see anyone...they all seem married already! I don't think the fact on being in a relationship is stopping me keeping my eyes open to possibilities and I do try to get out and about in situations were I am meeting new people. I just feel so worried about getting the chance to find the right man to have kids with.....it makes me feel very lonely and I'm scared of ending up alone.
what makes it really hard is that most of my girlfriends are now married with 1 or 2 small kids - they never have time to meet up (understandably) and it leaves me feeling unwanted. My sister is also now pregnant with her second child - my parents are constantly going on about my niece (thier first grandchild) and I just can't help feeling jealous and left out - I know it's wrong - I love my sister and my niece and my parents too - but I just feel side lined. my sister lives in another country and my parents are constantly out there to see her and my niece.
I think the net result of my divorce is that I feel pretty lonely and rejected. I've worked really hard to try and re-build my live, I know it takes time, but why am I still not feeling settled - is it normal? I still miss my ex-husband - not so much him/the relationship - but being married and belonging - i was very close to his family too and I really miss them loads - I can't see them because they live on another continent so that's very hard.
Please any thoughts anyone? Any advice on how to keep moving forward would be very much appreciated! I feel like the experience of losing my husband and the divorce should all be behind me by now and it isn't - I feel stuck and i'm not sure what to do