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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I have so many questions I need your opinions with. I have an issue with letting my guard down with WS because I felt during the marriages he was nice for a month or so after breakups, waited until things were copesthetic between us, then he went back into full swing with AP. Now that I am aware of OW existence, I am sure he is puzzled as to why we can't get copesthetic again, especially for the past 2 years of R and remarriage.

I hate myself for believing his blanket statements like nothing happened and hers as well. I feel that their loyalties are to each other and their trust is unbreakable. He has lied to me in the name of God, has conducted his affair under the guise of being a Christian and she was the only woman he had ever prayed for that God would send her a good man because she couldn't find one. He is the greatest hypocrite I know. The level of deceit that it takes to carry on an 8 year relationship under my nose astounds me. I can't see him in a different light although he tries when I bring things to his attention ( which i shouldnt have to). My greatest struggle is the religious abuse and why he insists on staying married to me.

They had their chance to marry and be together during our divorce. Why didn't they take it? Why did he remarry me if he knew he was not able to meet my needs (I thought he would) and obviously they met each other's for 8 years? He has mentioned that she insulted him by saying why he did not have more assets at his age (she's 7 years younger than him). Am I also wrong to believe that even if they started their friendship 6 years of our last marriage, and it went to the next levels after the divorce, that their sexual relationship is my business - since he continued seeing me during all of this? One OW called him a womanizer and she apparently called him a loser. He is fiercely protective of the long term OW and wrote her a dippy NC letter that I dumped.

The real wrench came when I exposed her on cheaterville and showed her the hypocrite he really is by regurgitating the trickle truth he told me about her. I feel emotionally brutalized by both of them. I am checking into a lie detector test. I want to know where all the monies he had earned, went when I alone was managing the bills especially after she came into the picture. She is very tight lipped about their relationship. How can I get info from her after I had exposed her? I have info about her from google but nothing else. Is it wrong that I want to know what they were doing in my life for those 8 years? I have thought of befriending someone at her job but I am afraid that those things will backfire on me. She has threatened to sue me for harassment as well, the very first time I contacted her. I sometimes feel they have gone way underground since they were addicted to each other for 8 years.
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Wow sorry to hear all of that:(

What are your questions exactly?

And could you tell us why you're still with him???
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Wow sorry to hear all of that:(

What are your questions exactly?

And could you tell us why you're still with him???
Blindsided, BS fog, because I am a fool...because I wanted to save my family.
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Blindsided, BS fog, because I am a fool...because I wanted to save my family.
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You should file for divorce (ugh I'm starting to realize I hate telling people this). Your husband does not sound like he has any intention of changing and he probably never did. Start thinking about what's best for you. Because your husband obviously isn't and the amount of time this has been going on he probably never will.
 

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I think you need some real distance from your H to see your situation clearly.

He is a no good rat who will continue to ruin you.

Get out. Get away. Get a divorce. Once you get out and away, the thoughts that are plaguing you will lessen.

Wanting to know is normal, but staying in this situation is masochistic. You should have more respect for yourself. I'm sure you do when you get distance, so do it - get away and get your head clearer. Then divorce & start your real life.
 

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I'm really sorry for you. Really very sorry.

I hope you will do the right thing and leave this person. If you only knew what he says about you behind your back, you would be gone already.

Don't be complicit in his mistreatment of you and other people.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 · (Edited)
Thanks for the support. In reading your responses and although I know better but didnt do better, I see here the operative word is VALUE. The value I hadnt placed on myself and the value he never will. I will wish them the best. I think the best thing we can do for some SOs is to leave them to themselves, to their own devices, on their own time and just simply wish them the best.

Having come to terms with the fact that I cannot keep saving my family by myself, has given me a bit of strength to file that D as soon as I am able. Becoming a single mom again is not such a big deal once I realized I was always one, married or divorced. I have too come to realize that my H will never have the capacity to change something within himself that was never there to begin with. Maybe he found it with her, I hope so but I doubt it. All I really need from her is the hope that she has an intent to treat my children with some respect but I doubt it.
 
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