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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Short story Dday July 8, 2008. She never told whole truth, decided to R. Problem, she told me she is going on a cruise w/her mom. She would never go on a cruise w/me. I'm pissed because I used to ask all the time. I called bs and thinking of telling her heck no. Never told me all so no trust. I don't go, you dont go. What do I say, I'm still so hurt by her thought process and seaming to not care what I might feel by her actions. Help please.
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Can you sit down her and explain your feelings?
Just my two cents, but I agree that you should tell her how you feel - calmly and rationally, with a passive aggressive approach.

If it were me, I would avoid giving ultimatums and painting myself in a corner. You might consider saying something to the effect:

"If you elect to go on that cruise without me, knowing how hurtful that is to me, I'll be disappointed in you more than I can say. I would love for you and I to go, or your mother could go with us, so I am hoping that you will reconsider that decision."

Don't fall into the trap and let her know the consequences of her decision. If she asks, you can tell her I don't know, I'd have to consider it for a while.

If she still goes, you now have an idea how committed she is to the marriage and that's not a bad thing. You'll then have some time to sort out your thoughts. You'll still have the option of doing the same thing you would have done if you demanded she not go and she refused to obey you. All the time while not coming off as such a controlling a-hole in the process.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
OK< so we sat down and I explained how I felt. Here is more info on the situation. My wife's mom recently lost her husband to cancer. He was her fourth marriage. She asked my wife to go on this cruise with her and my wife agreed without even asking me how I felt. Well a few years ago I won a cruise that was 10 days long and covered everything by the company. My wife told me she would not go because she was afraid she would get sea sick. I told her there were meds for that but she said no. I gave the trip to the runner up, only right thing to do. So she finally tells me about this trip and I reminded her about her sea sickness and she said she has already seen a DR. about it, and that the plans have been made and she can not get out. I was pissed and let her know. She said she was truly sorry for hurting me but I need to trust her and she is not the same person she was back then. I can tell by her frequent attemps at sex and over compensating that she knows I am mad at her for still going. She left on Thursday for eight days. She also stated that she would not be taking her bikini, which she told me after she had packed that she did have one just incase. She also told me she was leaving her wedding band because she did not want anyone to rob her if she left port and went shopping. When I hit the ceiling and said it must be a no rings no strings cruise she went and bought a cheap cz ring to wear just so people would know she was married. Ok so here is the deal, she started her monthly the day she left. Someone please tell me have I just gone off the deep end here and lost my mind and over reacted to the whole situation or am I being played. I don't know what to think.
 

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Anyone else smell cheating? One of the most difficult places to verify.

No wedding ring??? Red flag red flag red flag.

Too late but if I had money I woulda hired a PI and bought a cheap inside cabin...

Edit 80. Did you verify mom is indeed on the ship?
 

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What was mom's response to the infidelity?
 

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So, she's been nothing but faithful for 5 yrs? If so, the main problem would be the one you pointed out. She didn't bother to confer with you. That was a BIG mistake.

How is her relationship with her mom? Perhaps she was trying hard to please her? - no excuse but could be an explanation - some children remain childish in their attempts to please a parent.

also, what was the nature of the 2008 affair? ONS? or a lengthy affair? With who? someone known to you and in your social circle?

I wouldn't automatically suspect chicanery. Not right away anyway.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Don't have pics back from cruise but friended on FB "without them knowing the network that gave away the trip" pics are to be updated daily by the network. I will be looking. Do have a text pic of her and mom on plane to boat. Not much other. So I am not nuts?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I never got to talk with my friend that said he had proof he died a week after he called me. He took his own life and I am not sure that it was not him. After he died she sat in bed and cried for two months. Pretty sure nothing since then and almost certain it was him. But I will never know unless she says so.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
OK, so lets pull the infidelity off the table how should I react to this, I am so mad I want to leave but my kids have no clue that any of this is going on. And I just cant see doing this to them. Should I leave when she returns.
 

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I don't understand why her and her mom had to go on a cruise without you. Why could you not go with them?

Her fourth husband died, so she has to go on a cruise alone with your wife? Makes no sense.

I have known many married people who died? The widows and widowers, to the best of my knowledge, never went on a cruise (to celebrate?) afterward.

Why would your mother-in-law want it this way this knowing your past problems with her daughter, your wife? Why would she want to cause trouble in her daughter's marriage? Why would your wife want to cause trouble in her own marriage>

The whole situation seems very, very odd to me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Mother in Law won the cruise for two, I was not informed in time or even asked to go. By the time I knew I would not have been able to go due to work.
 

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I was brought up to believe that when you get married, your primary responsibility is to your spouse.

I honestly don't see what is so important about this cruise. It's not a life or death situation. Faced with the choice of a cruise with my mother or staying behind with my wife who I cheated on, I would tell mom to find another cruise partner and mom could spend all the time she wants with me at my home or hers, with my wife. My wife is number one.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I have no clue why my wife would want to cause trouble in our marriage but she could care less when it comes to involving me in a getaway.
 

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Mother in Law won the cruise for two, I was not informed in time or even asked to go. By the time I knew I would not have been able to go due to work.
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You know this for a fact, or is it what your wife told you?

ETA- Did you confirm this with your MIL?
 
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Could you give us some background on the previous infidelity and how you 2 handled it?
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
On previous infidelity wife swears she never had an affair. I have lots of trips she has taken and not been where she said she would be, also have places and receipts, but without the hard proof and her not admitting to me or mc I cant get her to budge. She would not stay in MC and will not go back. Its a waste of her time. Her words. My words then I am a waste of your time. She walked off.
 
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