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Discussion Starter #1
So I’ve done good- haven’t been in contact with teacher guy. He stepped back and I’ve respected it. It usually takes me awhile to understand things and I’m ok now.
We weren’t on the same page, and that’s ok. But it boggles my mind that what we did changed for the worst. Meaning, we don’t talk anymore and I highly doubt we’ll ever be friends again.

I know some may not understand but we had an awesome friendship or so I thought
Sex and going out does change things and sometimes not for the better:

I do miss the laughs and the friendship of talking about education. We both had that understanding of we said something

Just sux. Sometimes I wish we didn’t go there and sometimes I think back of the fun we had for a short while.

I guess it’s not a question but a vent moment
 

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Vent away vent away.
 

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HI Sue4473,

I'm sorry your relationship did not work out with teacher guy.

I did the same thing to another person that was done to you.

I broke up with someone close to me after realizing that I didn't want a future with with her. I cut off contact because I did not trust myself to do the right thing.

Our relationship was sexual, I really liked her, but wanted to explore other relationships.
I did not believe that we could separate the sexual feelings and be "just friends".

I actually think about her often and sometimes wish that it had been different. But then I realize that it would be "cake eating" and she is better off.


I guess I just wanted to relate this so you would realize that it most likely isn't about you... The person was on another path... he may or may not be a sh#t, but you are not.
 

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So I’ve done good- haven’t been in contact with teacher guy. He stepped back and I’ve respected it. It usually takes me awhile to understand things and I’m ok now.
We weren’t on the same page, and that’s ok. But it boggles my mind that what we did changed for the worst. Meaning, we don’t talk anymore and I highly doubt we’ll ever be friends again.

I know some may not understand but we had an awesome friendship or so I thought
Sex and going out does change things and sometimes not for the better:

I do miss the laughs and the friendship of talking about education. We both had that understanding of we said something

Just sux. Sometimes I wish we didn’t go there and sometimes I think back of the fun we had for a short while.

I guess it’s not a question but a vent moment
I feel your pain. Losing someone that made our lives better is never fun.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
No and get that now that he’s not in a place where he wants what I want right now.
Stepping back has been hard.

As admirable it is that he’s not cake eating
It makes me think that we would not be able to separate the sexual feels.

I still hoped for a friendship though. @attheend02- did you ever contact her again?
 

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No and get that now that he’s not in a place where he wants what I want right now.
Stepping back has been hard.

As admirable it is that he’s not cake eating
It makes me think that we would not be able to separate the sexual feels.

I still hoped for a friendship though. @attheend02- did you ever contact her again?
I have not. I think any contact would be leading her on.

I kind of believe that non sexual Male/Female friendship is impossible. My experience is that one side is usually romantically interested.

Although - Now that I'm single again at 51, I really don't know what is going on! Trying to figure it all out.
 

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I know this isn't the same for all of us, but personally I've found I can't help but develop feelings beyond friendship for someone I'm sleeping with. Those of us who are like this can fool ourselves into thinking we can have casual sex, but we can't. I've accepted that this is who I am. I think you need to accept that your love, your body, your friendship and your commitment is a gift. Find a man who values what you want to give him, and you know that he does before it develops beyond friendship. When you enter into a FWB situation, you are fooling yourself into thinking that's all it will mean to you. You won't fool him. He'll either use you and run, or just run. Be true to yourself.
 

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So I’ve done good- haven’t been in contact with teacher guy. He stepped back and I’ve respected it. It usually takes me awhile to understand things and I’m ok now.
We weren’t on the same page, and that’s ok. But it boggles my mind that what we did changed for the worst. Meaning, we don’t talk anymore and I highly doubt we’ll ever be friends again.

I know some may not understand but we had an awesome friendship or so I thought
Sex and going out does change things and sometimes not for the better:

I do miss the laughs and the friendship of talking about education. We both had that understanding of we said something

Just sux. Sometimes I wish we didn’t go there and sometimes I think back of the fun we had for a short while.

I guess it’s not a question but a vent moment
So if I remember correctly, this is the guy who told you he did not want to move into a sexual relationship with you because he did not want to lose your friendship.

Remember this for the future. He did actually want to remain friends and not complicate it with sex, because he knew that would change the dynamic. But you decided that being sexual with him was what you wanted more than his friendship.

When a man is straight up telling you what he would prefer, it’s best to just assume he is being honest and that he is probably right. This guy knew that having a sexual relationship with you would end the friendship you two had and he told you that upfront. Don’t try to change their mind by insisting on sex. Just believe that men know what is best for them and you, and follow their guidance when this type of situation occurs.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
@faithfulwife- he said he valued my friendship too much to mess it up. Maybe it was a line, maybe not. We knew we enjoyed each other’s company and there was a strong attraction as well.
He told me he wasn’t just being my friend to get sex- we been friends throughout the year.

I guess we took a risk and failed.
At one time after he ended it and said the friendship isn’t ruined, but I’m stepping back. That was a month ago. I’ve stayed my distance and maybe within time, we can be friends if not too awkward.

It’s weird though- how come you can be friends after being so intimate and others it’s just doomed?

Like my ex husband- we are better friends than we were partners. I consider him my friend. As we co parent
 

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@faithfulwife- he said he valued my friendship too much to mess it up. Maybe it was a line, maybe not. We knew we enjoyed each other’s company and there was a strong attraction as well.
He told me he wasn’t just being my friend to get sex- we been friends throughout the year.

I guess we took a risk and failed.
At one time after he ended it and said the friendship isn’t ruined, but I’m stepping back. That was a month ago. I’ve stayed my distance and maybe within time, we can be friends if not too awkward.

It’s weird though- how come you can be friends after being so intimate and others it’s just doomed?

Like my ex husband- we are better friends than we were partners. I consider him my friend. As we co parent
Sue, it seems like you put yourself because of your personality to be attached and dependent for some validation. And your gift ( the sex) you give the men in your life, somewhere in your heart creates a genuine attachment but it's only to you.

An simple example say.... A cat you can shelter it feed it and love it and nurture it, but it becomes a and indoor and outdoor cat nothing you do will bring it back once you open the door. It returns when it desires and no sooner. No matter what you may say to it to call it back indoors. It looks at you blankly, and scurries off. Only to come back at a later time so you go to work because you have to, thinking about it all day, hoping it is safe. You return after work, and low and behold their it lies by the door watching you come closer flipping it tail wating for you to open the door. You speak to it telling it your concerns but it's oblivious to him. What the big deal!

Sue, you sound like a loving, caring, sharing woman, and bonding to you is like breathing to others it just comes naturally. So best advice is love and attach but don't use strings in a attempt to control the outcome. It just doesn't work that way for some. And when the cat claws outwordly believe it it doesn't want to be picked up.

Tilted
 

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@faithfulwife- he said he valued my friendship too much to mess it up. Maybe it was a line, maybe not. We knew we enjoyed each other’s company and there was a strong attraction as well.
He told me he wasn’t just being my friend to get sex- we been friends throughout the year.

I guess we took a risk and failed.
At one time after he ended it and said the friendship isn’t ruined, but I’m stepping back. That was a month ago. I’ve stayed my distance and maybe within time, we can be friends if not too awkward.

It’s weird though- how come you can be friends after being so intimate and others it’s just doomed?

Like my ex husband- we are better friends than we were partners. I consider him my friend. As we co parent
He can’t be your friend now because he knows you will always want to be more than friends. He’s being kind to you by stepping out of your life because it would just be stringing you along and he doesn’t want to do that to you.
 

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You're still hanging on, and you're only hurting yourself. Let him go, let the hope for friendship go. Focus on the people in your life who don't want to walk out of it.

People come and go in our lives. Best to appreciate the time you had with them and when they leave, wish them the best and let that time together be a good memory, not a chain around your neck.
 
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