I know this is sporatically composed, mostly speech to text on my phone.
Wife of 8 years 2 kids, 6 and 2, turns into angry beligerant mess, turns out she's cheating hardcore for 3 months and started with emotional affair before that possibly. Wedding ring has come off.
Need to know which order to proceed.
I am thinking :
Legal consult.
Bank acct, PO box.
Expose....or do I?* Undoubtedly that will be low blow, really outrage her as in order of protection, unforgivable in her eyes and make her hate me forever . She has said that she knows that I'm gonna tell everybody she the reason we ended our marriage because of her cheating and not that it's because I was inattentive, took het for granted, put myself first,etc. She spoke all those common sayings and made me feel like dirt before I found out. She had me swearing I would change and put her first, prioritize and apologize repentantly for losing site of my love of my life. She sprung it on me all of a sudden and tried to say it's been this way for the past 3 years and I just never changed even though she tried to tell me too. She cheated while we dated before marriage and now her behavior is identical. Sure enough, overwhelming evidence and hardcore proof it's not just the 1 long distance main guy, but also hooking up local old flames. The main guy is amongst several friends who support her, undoubtedly helped by my wife's blatant lies that I am terrible to her.* They're also stabbing me in the back because they were quote friends with me too. I have hung out with the new main guy in the past when we visited the group of friends.
She has violent anger reactions to anything I do regarding proving to her I know and or telling her family and "turning them against her".
For example, she got a prepaid cell phone so I could not look up the shared account text message logs anymore. She left a brand new Samsung micro USB charger sitting next to her bed so I knew she had it. She said I'm not supposed to know about that and that her aunt suggested she get it because everyone deserves a little privacy. Go ahead call her she said.....so i did when she went out. She came home and caught me on the phone with the aunt and completely blew her top and went to extremes at me. "Your an a-hole, how dare you turn my family against me, ready? I do not love you anymore. I do not want to be married to you anymore. Tell your parents we are over. Get a lawyer"
I have been crushed my heart shattered my soul stolen. The girl I chose to spend the rest of my life with has bailed out on me after 8 yrs of starting a family and a home. Sure money is tight and we have communication issues,....but to me those are par for the course. Good times , bad times, richer or poorer.My primary sadness is that I work so hard to build this family dream . Our kids are product of an agreement for a future that she is now taking away without looking back.
Currently, I am post d day and in limbo....living under the same roof., status quo to all out family and friends, just living under a veil of infidelity. She knows I know. I sleep in the basement. She wants to keep up some small talk about daily activity but I find it hard to, knowing what I know...seeing what I have.
Utimately we will end up .....NOT together. I can't trust her ever again. I forgave her for the dating cheating. Breaking Vows is a deal breaker for me, plus she's the 1 saying she doesn't want to make this work.
I always thought of divorce as out of bounds, not an option, that no matter what I would be willing to live with it to keep the family together and things normal. I'm so confused now I don't even know if I hurt? I feel compelling drive to just keep gathering this evidence to thrown in her face and can't look past it even though I already know. I know on a surface there's no point in pursuing the issue anymore* because I should just move on. But I'm afraid of her a rational repercussion and reactions. My fear is I'm going to lose this battle no matter how right I am because it's a no fault state.
I WILL NOT be kept away from my kids. I did not do this and wont be punished. Bad enough I'd been refused sex starting 3 months ago, but have not pursued since I found out this information (blessing in disguise)
I Have no other care options for 2 kids ages 6 and 2, but she does good job mothering. Holidays are coming up and that's gonna kill me and have turbulence.
I get emotional rushes every commercial I see about heart wrenching things because it makes you realize how short life is and I thought we were going to have eaxhother to have and to hold through all the things life brings....now, looks like that's gone. She says she misses the old us too, but thinks I'll never change back to someone she enjoys being with. Maybe I wouldn't.
Seeking legal consultation first time on Friday. Want to be civil but I tend to be friendly or cold. . She has said we should go to counseling to learn to communicate for bringing up the kids albeit separately. 2 marriage counseling sessions a month ago but never brought up her cheating. It was more about her saying I have OCD and she can't stand me anymore. I don't want to go back because that's for mending and I don't think that's going to happen. I just don't want to expose and have her get all pseudo legal on me trying to kick me out and restraining orders etc... hence my legal consultation to know my rights.
Ultimately, like I've read on here somewhere, I'd love to tell HER to leave, but that's not going to happen. I have to work all the time and she needs to care for those kids. Plus, the house lein is in her name technically with her dad. However, she doesn't work and I am the sole income. I know her intention is to sell the house in 1 year and move away to him WITH THE KIDS. I refuse to let that happen but do not know what to do.
HELP! Questions are welcome. Again, this is all about finding this site 3 days ago, reading a bunch in this forum, feeling comforted that I'm not alone and there's text book identical situations. So I signed up, and I am reaching out. Of course its a lot crammed into a few paragraphs. Just need to hear something personally directed to me, because I have seen the responses to others and feel I am overwhelmed ....armed to the hilt, but don't know which weapon to draw first!?
Thanks in advance, you're all great for contributing to others!
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