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Need to learn positive & effective communication with my husband over children etc...

What I need to do, is to learn how to communicate positively and effectively with my husband on the few areas of our marriage that we need help.
I'm not about divorce, I feel that every marriage has its ups and downs and i know I'm loved and I know I love, our problem is that my husband is a 'good ol' boy' and he is very opinionated and stubborn when it comes to our children and what he feels I should and shouldn't do with them and our grandchildren however he has never truly raised a child; has pretty much always been on the road.
My husband and I have been together now 10 years, married 8 years we met on AOL (ha ha) I have never been happier in my life than with him, we had our problems of course but most we have been able to work out (ie: he was honest with me about his prior sex life), he's pretty blunt about things some things I have had to learn to deal with (not a good term) I have married a 'ladies man' ha ha, he has his lady friends and has continued to pick up new ones along the way (it was very hard to get used to (I'm not talking sexually here just so you know) but he LOVES to talk and he loves attention which in itself is good and bad, I'm afraid I spoiled him but I felt I was doing what was best for him and myself. He loves women period! Do I agree with this, of course not BUT I also know he is doing nothing wrong as I know them too (now). It took some getting used to and if I had never known what he did in his last marriage I would never have had doubts about him, he is very attentive to me. As the years have gone by I have convinced him he needs to tell me things, he is still learning that if he hides these relationships (innocent as they are) from me, it makes him look guilty. Ok well this is really not why I'm writing, I am not blinded by this man, he has his faults but some things you can learn to accept because you know where they come from and I know him very well.
My issues right now are children and grand children related, he has 2 sons from previous marriages, I have 2 children also from a previous marriage. My husband has been a trucker on the road most of his life, he saw his 2nd son sporadically through his life until this son came to live with him at 15 years old after finding his mother dead!!! He has severe problems from this but is in the Army out of state and remarried now. My husband will not talk to him because of what he has said and done to us, mainly to me. My husband needs to know that he needs to keep a relationship with his son no matter what ... the eldest son is in prison but hopefully due to get out soon.. we didn't know until a few years ago that he was really his son, relationship wise is strained but ok and I feel there is hope there.
My daughter is bipolar (severe) and has tried over and over and over again to fix herself (bad choice of words) but I'm still her mom and yes I have given in in the past, she has 3 children and I'm currently closest to my granddaughter a 4 year old. Her husband of over 10 years is still with her but they are a very disfunctional couple and not at all self supporting although they do get aid. My daughter was recently hospitalized twice now, one for her bipolar (which I felt she was FINALLY doing it) and the 2nd time for a surgery. My husband gave his permission for her to move in with us AGAIN, I wanted to help her (the mom in me) but I told her he would have to make the decision.
I am pretty low key, soft spoken and openminded, he isn't! I do not like to fight but she and I collash now and then but things are easier, I make her do things around the house care for her daughter (her 2 boys are fine but living with an aunt right now while she is recovering mentally ) she wants to eventually leave her husband, I see that as positive but my husband doesn't see anything positive, if she isn't out working she is no good, her bipolar is an excuse, she is a bad mom, she is this and that and lazy.. siggggggggggggggggggh. Yes she is lazy so I make her work but I don't let him see me doing it (he is gone through the week) I don't feel I need to make a deal over things, he does.. he doesn't see she does housework, I do! Geeze he doesn't pay attention when I do. ha ha
Last weekend twice in two days I felt he attacked me over her, to the point that she moved back with her husband, to me that was a step back and of course she tries to make me feel bad subconciously (I can deal with that, I've been learning) but having the 2 of them coming at me is wearing me down. He is a complainer, I had to tell him to QUIT or leave.. complaining is one thing but not stopping and being ugly about it all the time is another. I'm plain tired of it all, but I adore my pain in the butt husband and I love my children and grandchildren.. I dont' want them living here, I love having my house to myself but.................... I've been her mom 27 years, she was diagnosed at 14 years old, I've been through alot with her and I've come to understand alot as well as not understand also.. my husband has absolutely no clue how to be nice to our grandchildren, only ugly and he ignores them unless they do something wrong (in his eyes, in mine they are children) so I don't feel he needs to scold unless he can be positive about it also.

HELP.. there is alot more but I have to go to work. Thank you:confused:
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