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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, hi... I haven't been as active here in a while and I attribute saving my marriage to Married Man Sex Life, back in April or thereabouts I turned around a marriage that was on the path to divorce, I think at this point the marriage is in decent shape, and most of our issues are a result of difficulties with things external to the family. The sex life is okay, frequency is at twice a week, the bigger concern for me is quality. In general, things are gradually improving....

So anyway, tomorrow and Saturday we have the kids out of the house and one day or the other there will be sex.

Okay one more piece of background. My wife has had anxiety issues possibly stemming from a car accident she had when she was 13 (before we met)... She has been taking efexor, and our MC felt the efexor was part of the problem so she's been tapering off. The dose is so low now she could probably stop any time, but the holiday season is usually a source of family strain and I think she's hanging on to that security blanket of the tiny 1/4 pill of effexor until that passes....

Anyway, the sex is usually her getting oral sex until orgasm then she wants missionary or doggie style. It's nice, but I've come to realize that I feel like the physical feeling of it all no matter what, but feeling an emotional connection seems to come from who is stroking who - I want to feel her stroking me, whether that's from receiving oral, her stroking me or her on top. That's when I feel like she's into it, like she's expressing desire for me.

So my idea is I want to take turns with oral sex. Maybe with a fixed time limit, like 5 minutes per turn or something. And she has to give before she can receive. Maybe even tell her she has to show me how she wants me to give it to her, like fast or slow - or whatever... I'm hoping that it'd also get her mentally anticipating the enjoyment she'll get when it's her turn to receive.

I'd like to also add that if she gets me close I'll tell her and then her turn goes all the way.

I'd like to follow with the same thing on the intercourse, I pick the first position then she picks the next, but I might do all this one step at a time and maybe save that for another time.

I've never really made her wait so I'm thinking I'd like to hear some suggestions about making that particular leap. At this point I tend to handle things by saying how I want to do it, and she either takes it or makes her own suggestion.

Well I'll leave it at that for now and see what you all have to say about it.

I'm
 

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sounds cool...I have sometimes gone down on her...and when I felt she was about to cum i just played with her
upstairs. then go back down....then penetrate...then back down...etc etc...none of that
time she even thought of touching me penis...in the end I ended up giving her amazing
orgasms, at least thats what she said...in return..i get a quick hand/partial blowjob...how nice :)))
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How about some 69 action?
Then you both get some oral loving at the same time & it's flipping hot as hell.
And having her tell you how she wants it is a great idea.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Well, see we used to do that and have found even better positions for her, but back when we did 69 it was a distraction for her and she just wouldn't enjoy receiving as much while giving and/or my receiving would affect the way that I was giving.

Besides, I think in a way I'm hoping to get her into giving the way I'm into giving. It's not that I get anything out of giving, but I feel rewarded by my success at giving. It's never been like that for her giving oral sex.

It kind of has a feel of 'well, this might've worked better if I had thought of this 12 years ago when we were starting to have sex...'
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Just a note to add, it occurred to me this is similar to the method we were given from sex therapy a few years back.
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I think a delayed orgasm sounds awesome and exciting. It sounds like a great tease. Maybe express your idea how you've read about how delaying an orgasm makes the orgasm even more awesome and you'd like to give her a screaming orgasm. So, you'd like to take turns - you bring her to an almost orgasm, then she reciprocates, then you reciprocate, until she's begging you to finish her off. It all sounds great to me!

Maybe I'll suggest that this weekend to my husband! :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Am I the only one whose wife says the WORST thing to do is to stop something that's turning her on?
Well.. you wouldn't be the only one. I think it's the wrong approach.

1) It's giving the wife control of what should be the husband's to lead.

2) I think it also is contrary to the way the body works. It reflects the mind making an assignment of certain conditions needing to be met in order to achieve orgasm.

a) The conditions have nothing to do with how orgasm is actually achieved

b) It places the focus on the orgasm at the expense of enjoying the sensations that one can experience on the way to orgasm, which should themselves be enjoyable regardless of whether an orgasm is achieved or not.


As to updating, things went much better tonight without getting into what I was planning.
 
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