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30 Posts
Hi Everyone,
I'm new to the site and am really looking for some advice.
Background: I've been with my wife for 15 years and married for 10. We have to beautiful children that are 8 and 5. I'm 36 and she is 33.
Over the past two weeks it has been exposed that my wife had an affair. She says she has "fallen in love" with this guy. After the affair was exposed, she ended her relationship with him. She is now going through a real grieving process. Her affair started about 4 months ago with Facebook messaging. I accidentally came across one of the threads a few months ago and confronted my wife. She told me it was "nothing" and ended it. I told her to tell the other guy (who is also married, with a child) that I knew. She told me it was over. We moved passed it. Or so I thought.
2 months later I found out that she was having a real affair. She seemed to be getting more distant and one weekend went into what seemed to be total depression. She spent a week in her room crying and writing, not telling me what was going on. She said she needed space. I couldn't handle it, and started pressing for answers. Finally she came out and said. "I'm having and affair and in love with the other guy". I was devastated.
After getting over the initial shock, we started to discuss this. You much know I didn't fly off the handle or get angry or anything. Just hurt. What she began to disclose to me is that she had fallen out of love with me. That we've become two different people and that I work too hard and wasn't paying enough attention to her and the family. This is all true. I admit it. This is all stuff I would love the chance to work on, not just for her, but for myself.
I love her deeply and dearly, and got lost in "living life" and priorities got misaligned. I'd love the chance to really show her with words and actions how much I love her, our family and want this to work. Not in a "band-aid" way, but in a "lets build our dream" kind of way.
The problem is, she said she's been feeling like we've been drifting for a long time, and that she's been "faking" it and building resentment along the way. This is very hard to hear. She wonders if it's too late. She's skeptical if she can get that spark back.
We had our first counselling session this week, and stuff got out in the open. She is going to the next two sessions alone. We are in two different points, I want to work on our marriage now, and she's not sure if she wants to. I guess I have to be patient and see if she can get to that point.
Sorry for the long post, but I need advice. What should I do. Is this repairable. Is it worth trying. I want it more than anything, but I want to be realistic.
This is torture.
Thanks in advance for the advice/support.
I'm new to the site and am really looking for some advice.
Background: I've been with my wife for 15 years and married for 10. We have to beautiful children that are 8 and 5. I'm 36 and she is 33.
Over the past two weeks it has been exposed that my wife had an affair. She says she has "fallen in love" with this guy. After the affair was exposed, she ended her relationship with him. She is now going through a real grieving process. Her affair started about 4 months ago with Facebook messaging. I accidentally came across one of the threads a few months ago and confronted my wife. She told me it was "nothing" and ended it. I told her to tell the other guy (who is also married, with a child) that I knew. She told me it was over. We moved passed it. Or so I thought.
2 months later I found out that she was having a real affair. She seemed to be getting more distant and one weekend went into what seemed to be total depression. She spent a week in her room crying and writing, not telling me what was going on. She said she needed space. I couldn't handle it, and started pressing for answers. Finally she came out and said. "I'm having and affair and in love with the other guy". I was devastated.
After getting over the initial shock, we started to discuss this. You much know I didn't fly off the handle or get angry or anything. Just hurt. What she began to disclose to me is that she had fallen out of love with me. That we've become two different people and that I work too hard and wasn't paying enough attention to her and the family. This is all true. I admit it. This is all stuff I would love the chance to work on, not just for her, but for myself.
I love her deeply and dearly, and got lost in "living life" and priorities got misaligned. I'd love the chance to really show her with words and actions how much I love her, our family and want this to work. Not in a "band-aid" way, but in a "lets build our dream" kind of way.
The problem is, she said she's been feeling like we've been drifting for a long time, and that she's been "faking" it and building resentment along the way. This is very hard to hear. She wonders if it's too late. She's skeptical if she can get that spark back.
We had our first counselling session this week, and stuff got out in the open. She is going to the next two sessions alone. We are in two different points, I want to work on our marriage now, and she's not sure if she wants to. I guess I have to be patient and see if she can get to that point.
Sorry for the long post, but I need advice. What should I do. Is this repairable. Is it worth trying. I want it more than anything, but I want to be realistic.
This is torture.
Thanks in advance for the advice/support.