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Hmmmm... I don't know my friend, I'm not feelin' it
I think you might be making a mountain out of a mole hill. I could be wrong, but I get the feeling you might be jumping the gun a little bit. I'm not sure why your wife is distancing herself from you because you didn't give us that information, but it may be due to the fact that you've brought in some old baggage into a new relationship.

Believe it or not my friend, not all women cheat, the stuff you described sounds pretty harmless to me, the pulling the hair back could have eaisly been a dress code issue. I'm not saying there is nothing going on, but with the little information you provided, I just don't see a smoking gun.

If you're that concerned about it, you might want to do the James Bond thing and put a VAR in her car and a key logger on her computer, but be careful and don't get busted again. Honestly? It seems like you could be making a big deal out of nothing, and it's probably because you've been hurt in the past. The problem is, if you keep crying wolf, without any proof, you could end up chasing a good woman away for good.

There are lots of faithful women in the world my friend, and your wife could very well be one of them. In my opinion you should probably just relax, take a deep breath and don't sweat the small stuff so much.

Good Luck
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
DD,

Thanks, you make a lot of sense.

My problem is that in past relationships I've been the naive, trusting, fool who believes everything my significant other tells me while she was out sleeping around behind my back with god knows how many other men.

It has ruined me. I want to be that guy again because I feel like I am with the one I was meant to be with and someone who deserves unconditional love and trust.

I've been to therapy and counseling and I just can't get over it all. I have came a long way in the last year but I am afraid she is giving up on me might be tempted by someone else.
 

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I always like to give the benefit of the doubt here.

1. You probably are insecure and jealous and need to fix that. Even if EVERYTHING else in your marriage is great, an insecure husband EVENTUALLY causes his wife to stop loving him. CONFIDENCE = SEXY to women. Period. Make your wife flirt with you.

2. Your wife likes male attention to an unhealthy level. She's also insecure. This makes for problems in a marriage. Having an issue with your wife flirting with other guys isn't always the guy being insecure, it could also be an issue with respect. A wife being flirty with a bunch of guys is disrespectful IMHO.

3. Your wife has REALLY bad boundaries, and so do some of the guys she works with. If my wife got a text thanking her for pulling her hair back from a boss.....I'd be concerned first, if it made her uncomfortable (because that's sexual harassment). I'd be PISSED if she welcomed it.

4. Her phone needs to be open and you need to not look so much. If my wife locked her phone TRYING to keep me out....the poop would hit the fan. There are 2 reasons. She doesn't like me being insecure....so lets fix that....or she's hiding something. The fix is NEVER to lock a person out.
 

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DD,

Thanks, you make a lot of sense.

My problem is that in past relationships I've been the naive, trusting, fool who believes everything my significant other tells me while she was out sleeping around behind my back with god knows how many other men.

It has ruined me. I want to be that guy again because I feel like I am with the one I was meant to be with and someone who deserves unconditional love and trust.

I've been to therapy and counseling and I just can't get over it all. I have came a long way in the last year but I am afraid she is giving up on me might be tempted by someone else.
I feel you Anxious, TRUST ME, I DO!!!
I've been played for a fool too and it hurt like hell, because it was in a small town and everybody knew my EX was creeping but me. Here's the deal my friend, this might be a tough pill to swallow, but it's the God's honest truth and it took me years to learn it.... If a woman has made up her mind to cheat, she is going to cheat and there's not much you can do about it. But I've also learned that you can't get into a new relationship worrying about it all the time. Man, that's not good look for your health my friend, thinking about it all the time can drive a man crazy with jealousy, and women have a tendency to run away from the green-eyed monster if he shows up too many times with no proof.

What I would do if I were you, is I would just sit back and play it cool, I would trust but I would verify. Look into the signs of cheating and if something doesn't feel right then do a little investigating, but keep it on the down low. I always give people the benefit of the doubt until they give me a reason not to.

I know it's hard because of your past, but you have to try and find a way not obsess over it my friend, because all that tension is going eat you alive, and might cost you your marriage. You can be that guy again, and it starts by realizing, you have no control over what other people do, but you can control how you respond to what they do.

ME??? I always tell my lady how beautiful and special she is to me everyday, I wine and dine her so much that she doesn't even have time to think about another man. If you think you might be losing her, just go into your mack daddy mode and do something crazy and spontaneous with her, like blindfold her, turn off all the lights and give her a lap dance :)

Remind her why she married you, tell her you love her and surprise her. I found the best way to get over my fear of losing her is to keep the home fire burning and make sure I'm taking care of business on this end.

Good Luck
 

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Your wife is pulling back from you because "jealous & insecure" is NOT attractive.

You are so worried about her cheating that a text from any male infuriates you.

I guess if she wants to make you feel better she can unlock her phone so you can review all her messages but I couldn't live with someone checking up on me all of the time.
 
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