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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband and I have always had issues in our relationship. I know we jumped into everything really fast and he has issues from his past marriage. He has never been there when I needed him, such as when I was pregnant he never went to one ultrasound and had to have my father come with me. Also when I was 6 month pregnant I went to belly dancing and over stretched and tore something and I was non stop puking so I finally had to yell at him to get off his video game, he got mad and I almost had to drive myself and the whole time we were there he said not one word to me. Those are just some of the things I've had to deal with. Well, I have caught him talking to other girls numerous times and have stayed because he said he would change. Well, here we are 5 years later and I finally told him after the 3 past weekends of horrible fighting that I was done with this and I could find someone who loves me for me and treats me with respect.. Well, now he wants to all of a sudden change and do counseling and take meds to help. I asked him why is now any different and he tells me its because he didn't care before and now he sees what I have been telling him is true... I just don't know if I feel the same way anymore and I just feel like I'm fed up and it's too late. I have people telling me to a trial separation might be a good idea and was wondering what your thoughts are on the issue and if you have any advice for this type of situation?
 

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If it was me I would give him one last chance, some people need a kick up the arse before they change and you may have just done that, saying that though my relationship is a proper mess so maybe its best some one else give you advice! :)
 

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MaybeItsMe? is pretty spot on...sometimes a wake-up call really can shake things up and make a change for the better.

Belly dancing at 6 months pregnant sounds very scary to me, but I am old school where any strenuous activity while pregnant was considered risky.

What your marriage really is lacking right now is boundaries....can he honestly say he would say/do all of the things he is doing with other women (talking, etc) if you were sitting right there watching what he is texting/saying? If not, he is crossing a line in your marriage & you need to step up and tell him IT IS NOT OK WITH YOU!!!
 

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Yes, before the second chance is given you should tell him exactly what you're expenting ,otherwise he might do the same thing over and over again. Do counseling, give yourself time to rebuild you feeling. I don't think separation will help.
Best of luck
 

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Some people give the advice of the Trial Seperation, but leave out the fact only 10% of seperations return to a marriage. I would sit down and talk about this and seek counseling first.

He may have no idea your that far gone at this point. Tell him straight out, don't assume he is picking up your signs.
 

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I'd give him a chance - as a guy I know how dumb and unaware we can be sometimes - sounds like it never occurred to him that you would have such a problem with his behaviour to leave him. Now you've told him you've lit a fire under his ass and he wants to fix things - give him a chance and if he's serious he'll change, if not, leave him to his video games...
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
He knows the issues and I have been very vocal on the issues and the talking to girls behind my back. He changes for a little while then hops right back in the same cycle that he was in. Now he is scared because I told him that I just can't take his lies anymore so NOW after everything he said he wants to change. I asked him whats different now than before and all he said was because he didn't care before.
 

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He knows the issues and I have been very vocal on the issues and the talking to girls behind my back. He changes for a little while then hops right back in the same cycle that he was in. Now he is scared because I told him that I just can't take his lies anymore so NOW after everything he said he wants to change. I asked him whats different now than before and all he said was because he didn't care before.
It's really difficult to break patterns of behavior, if you stop actively paying attention it's easy to drift back into old behaviors without realizing it's happening. People do change though, once they learn to recognize the patterns. I was once in a marriage with someone who was very vocal about the issues, I would change for awhile but could never sustain it. The thing is, our marriage could have worked if I knew then what I know now. If I had cared enough to ask for one more chance and she had cared enough to give me one. I have no regrets our marriage ended but it didn't have to.
Since then I've come up with two rules:
1) If someone you ever loved asks for a final shot at forever, give it to them.
2) If you believe you should give up on someone who ever loved you, offer them one last chance to prove themselves.
 

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I agree about a temporary separation. I know your husband has andoned you and has done some bad things. But I'd give him one last chance. Separate from him temporarily, and try counseling. He might change. I'm in my second marriage.

My first marriage failed, due to mental abuse. We ultimately separated and divorced a year and four months later. I don't regret leaving him, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. It saved me and brought me to my current husband.

Ultimately, the decision is up to you. I would give it one last ditch effort to see if he follows through. I hope I've helped. I wish you the best.
 
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