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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is my first post. My wife and I have been having some problems since January. We have been married for over 19 years.

This started when she made some reservations for a ski trip. At first I didn't mind too much but I don't ski, done it once and didn't like it. The last minute I changed my mind. She got all upset and said "I hate my life!" We went on the trip anyway and kids had a great time. Since that fateful weekend she has been distant. She has also made comments that I don't want to take her anywhere because I'm ashamed of her. :scratchhead: I don't know where she ever got this from. She says I don't take her to formal events from work. First I've never attended any formal events I would rather not socialize with people I work with after work.

Next she got all upset when someone gave her a 1 night stay at a motel about 1 mile from our house. I told her I wasn’t interested in that. Maybe it’s just me but it seems silly to pack a bag just to go up the road to unpack and sleep.

After we get off work, we don't say much. This morning I suggested that we seek counseling she said "what for, so they can tell me I'm crazy?" She said she would like to get an apartment. I don't know what else to do. She doesn't want to work anything out. My daughter even mentioned that my wife has been acting different since the ski trip. Any suggestions?

Thanks
 

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I believe you may be missing some of your wife’s emotional needs. It sounds as if she is looking for time to socialize, get out and do something different. You appear to be more happy in the house with a regular routine. I don’t think the hotel stay was about unpacking and sleeping. But about getting out of the routine…dinner, movie and maybe some romance in a different environment. I think you missed the target on this one big time. I would suggest you spend time with her. Take her out and have time together. The change of attitude could be any number of things but the reluctance to go on the trip may have triggered her to disconnect somehow. Giving up on you doing the things she wants to do or that are important to her. My suggestion is to get some quality time together quickly and get to know each other again. If you don’t talk much in the evenings this also shows a lack of communication. My best advice is to get to know your wife again and better understand her needs. Also let her know what your reeds are. Do it soon, before things get worse.
 

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She says I don't take her to formal events from work. First I've never attended any formal events I would rather not socialize with people I work with after work.
Maybe she does want to get to see the people you either do or don't talk about. Maybe she feels you are hiding something or you hide her from them.

Next she got all upset when someone gave her a 1 night stay at a motel about 1 mile from our house. I told her I wasn’t interested in that. Maybe it’s just me but it seems silly to pack a bag just to go up the road to unpack and sleep.
Are you crazy get away and have a date with the wife. My wife and I go out for a date atleast once a week.

After we get off work, we don't say much. This morning I suggested that we seek counseling she said "what for, so they can tell me I'm crazy?" She said she would like to get an apartment. I don't know what else to do. She doesn't want to work anything out. My daughter even mentioned that my wife has been acting different since the ski trip. Any suggestions?
She is emotionally drained and I don't blame her. Help around the house, talk about everything, give her hugs and kisses everytime you meet or leave each other. I just hope it isn't to little to late.

draconis
 

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Pick up and read the book "the five love languages"... it's a short book, but it really says a lot as far as understanding what she needs. Sounds to me like she just wants your attention ... sounds to me like it doesn't matter to you either way... would it be so difficult to indulge her??
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Yesterday we had a quick lunch; I had a physical therapy appointment from my recent shoulder surgery. We talked and what I thought was a nice time. When she got home we were watching that new lie detector program "moment of truth". Well then it all started, have you ever done this, done that, etc. I told her "NO"!
Then this morning it started as soon as I iced my shoulder.



As for being in the house. I love the outdoors, hunting, fishing, camping, hiking, and running. I also enjoy football, boxing, MMA, and reading; she doesn't like any of them. We have a pit-bull that needs a lot of excise I always ask her, lets take Xena for a walk, "No I don't feel like it".

If she doesn't get what she wants he gets pissed. As a kid she always got what she wanted. I can't afford everything she wants. She wants to go on a cruise, I told her I get sea sick, she got mad, and said I was ashamed of her. She enjoys formal parties, I don't.

And for helping around the house, I do the laundry, dust, vacuum, and maintain both vehicles. I'm still in the military and with everything I do at work I never complain about helping around the house. I always figure its part of being married. My folks especially my Mom says I do more than my father to help out. :rofl: The old man just looks at her.

Before all this, I always told her how great she looks and that I love her. I even told her that I get the same feeling I did when I first met her. Everything was going good until the ski trip from hell.
 

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I would suggest taking her out for a nice dinner and put your arm around her, give her a kiss...show her you are proud and happy to have her under your arm...don't tell her what you are doing or why, just do it and see how she responds afterward.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
First thanks to everyone for their advice. I went out and picked up the book by Gary Chapman.
I'll try posting in a few days.
 

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I enjoyed that one myself...test at the end is interesting for both of you to take to see what makes the other feel loved.
 
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