Need some advice

So if your wife is so independent and strong why can't she handle the lack of communication, why does she not have the strength to fight for the marriage?

Or was there some one else and realized the grass wasn't greener on the other side and came back to you?

Even if there was no one else, if it was me I would no way in hell be rewarding my wife for walking out on me. Her consequence for this kind of bull crap would at the very least a good spanking. At most she sleeps on the couch.

But if you want this emotional torture to come back later in the future and infect your marriage again you could be a "nice guy"!!

I'm all for improving communication and going to a pro to help me learn the tools to be a better husabnd, but she walked out and with that kind of behavior comes consequences with the mind set of preventing it from happening again.

Hell the both of you could some counseling!


BTW, cicks dig confident men so start acting like one by letting her know you won't tolorate her walking out everytime it gets tough. Wayward wife use this ecuse all the time to have a fling....just so you know.

I am in a similar boat as far as not seeing any signs until it was too late. My wife also is an outward emotional rock and did not complain or tell me she was unhappy.

Like you I hate the thought of losing her and wish there was a way to save our marriage.

Unfortunately I don't know what that is or how to do it. Mine is at least having a EA with another man and such my marriage may be well past saving.

I don't like all of the posts about giving up hope, but in some cases those marriages were unhappy for a while. Sounds like you were happy in your (like me mine) before this started.

I am trying to move on because there is nothing else that I see I could do that doesn't risk driving her away. Like you a 180 for me might be being more emotionally open, but then we risk being a door mat...

If you find the magic key please post it here.
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Increasing your aloofness by doing a 180 is not likely to win her back if her complaint was you not listening and not paying attention to her. Has either of you suggested marriage counselling? If you believe that she has a point about your flaws, what are you doing to change that?

The 180 is designed to help you get to a place where you can move on. In some situations, it shows the other spouse that you have other options, and what they'll be missing, which makes them second guess giving up on the relationship. But that's not the real purpose of it, and it's a dangerous game to play. Especially if the spouse was already complaining of not being connected. Then you're just throwing gas on a bonfire.

However... That doesn't mean that you need to be a push-over too. Just because its inconvenient for her doesn't mean you have to live together. That's just enabling her to use you. Of course, while you're married, she likely has just as much right to live there as you do. So start taking steps to commit to either work with you to resolve the issues in your marriage, or separate properly. But in the mean time, demonstrate that you are serious about "fixing yourself", but do it for your own sake. If she's the beneficiary of the "You 2.0", that's great. If it's your next relationship that benefits from your improvements, that's fine with you too.

C

So, we had a conversation and since we have been seperated she has realized that she believes we are imcompatible and that she cannot be happy with me, whereas I have discovered I need her and should have/could have been a better husband.

She made it clear she doesn't want to work to better our relationship and she wants a divorce. I was pretty rational about it, because I was already hurt and at bottom, so not far to fall. I was polite and told her I shared some blame, though I was dissappointed and hurt.

This is the most difficult thing I have ever been through in my adult life. I'm at bottom and I'm not suicidal (it helps she hasn't cheated), so I guess I have nowhere to go except up.

At first, I thought my house should be her and the dog's, but actually, she's the one that wants to separate, so I'm thinking about taking my house (solely in my name) and having her find an apartment.

Thoughts?